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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friday drinks ?

152 replies

imgettingtoooldforthis · 17/01/2018 22:51

I work in the city, husband does not. On a Friday my team gets to leave early to go to the pub - bit of team bonding, boss will
shout us drinks. No more than 2/3 rounds max. We have SS eow, DH plays sport on a Friday night. DH has asked for me not to go to the pub and to take advantage of getting to leave work early. However the reason I get to leave early is to socialise (some people drink others don't so it's not forced) DH doesn't want me coming home tipsy (2 glasses of wine or beer) and then looking after SS (who is old enough to look after himself ) while he goes to play sport. (Btw he has 2 beers after with the boys) I'm never home late which would make him late or arrive home intoxicated. I like going, it's a nice way to end the week. Is he being unreasonable or should I put my family first ?

OP posts:
speakout · 18/01/2018 12:02

OP don't allow yourself to be treated like this, and please don't have kids with this controller.

Things will get much worse.

I was lucky that I had no kids with my controlling ex.

Looking back I am aghast that I allowed him to treat me the way he did. And he was not abusive, he could be loving, charming, affectionate.
But everything was on his terms.

I have learned.

ErnestTheBavarian · 18/01/2018 12:59

I would be so pissed off to get in at 8, and dinner not even started. No way. The person who gets in first should cook. Did you say something?

You need to have a big talk. Who generally does the cooking? Who likes to cook? Do you mind eating late? Was it "your fault" this 1 missing ingredient made the food bland?

Trinity66 · 18/01/2018 14:00

*cantucciniamaretto
He wants you to come home early and not have a drink, so you can look after his kid while he plays sport and then goes for a drink?

Tell him that's hilarious. As if!*

read this post back a few times and show it to your DH, cheeky fucker

Trinity66 · 18/01/2018 14:11

Oh wow just read your other posts, my dad was like that as well towards my mom, would sit watching sport all day long at the weekend, hungry, waiting for my mom to come home (after she'd been out with us kids all day long) to cook him something. I literally remember him cooking for us once ever when my mom was in hospital. As I got older it pissed me off no end how sexist and disrespectful it was, they're divorced now (good for her) Don't put up with that shit from any man, marriage/partnership is supposed to be team work, however gets home first gets the food on etc his leisure activities don't trump yours ever but especially when it's his child that needs looking after

Trinity66 · 18/01/2018 14:11

whoever*

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 18/01/2018 21:48

Looks like I'm in the bad books ....

OP posts:
speakout · 18/01/2018 21:50

What has happened OP?

blackteasplease · 18/01/2018 21:52

There are no bad books to be in! You are an adult and an equal!

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 18/01/2018 21:56

Can he honestly not see what is wrong with the friday night situation?

LondonLassInTheCountry · 18/01/2018 22:04

You say husband?

Has he not shown any signs of control before this?
How long you been together?

GColdtimer · 18/01/2018 22:07

What a knob end. Seriously this guy expects you to come home Early and look after his son so he can play football and drink with his mates?

Then he sits waiting for you to come home with supplies so you can cook for him. Like some lord of the bloody manor. My DH is a crap cook and I do most of the cooking (cos I'm quite good and happy to do it) but he would never do that

Why don't you tell him to fuck off OP. Seriously.

ugghhreally · 18/01/2018 22:14

He sounds ridiculous. I also work in the city and know what it is like drinks wise with colleagues and clients. My husband has never in the 11 years we've been together batted an eyelid at me being late, let alone harassed me to get home. Your husband does sound controlling. You shouldn't feel like you have to rush back. You're an adult and an equal in your marriage and should be treated as such.

speakout · 18/01/2018 22:14

OP are you OK?

Lemontart25 · 18/01/2018 22:18

I would come back at 1am pissed as anything! Cheeky sod. I hope you are ok OP

Trashboat · 18/01/2018 22:46

Let's hope this is your lightbulb moment OP

pinkbraces · 18/01/2018 22:51

Serious question, why do you allow him to treat you this way?

Pardalis · 18/01/2018 22:55

Your DH obviously doesn't realise the value that socialising in the city after work brings. As bizarre as it may sound for those that don't do this, whilst it may sound like a fun time it's actually important and an integral part of career growth.

I also believe it's part of the glass ceiling problem for women. Even though it shouldn't be.

You need to tell him that it's essential for your career. Ignore the eye rolling. Stay out later. And unless his sports night on a Friday will benefit you financially, he should change his sports night so you can stay out longer.

And if you want another post work city drink, pm me Grin

speakout · 18/01/2018 22:58

The OP doesn't have to justify to her OH why she won't be there to look after his son while he has decided to go to the pub on one of the very few evenings he has him to stay.
The Op's reason does not have to be " important", she doesn't even need one.

It's his son.

Pardalis · 18/01/2018 23:06

I don't think the 'it's his son' argument is a valid one. If you are in a relationship with someone who has a child from another relationship and you are now part of this child's life, you have an obligation to nurture that child and make sure they have the most secure life ever growing up in a blended family.

This could be the same debate about a child from the current relationship and still be relevant.

Sadly, if the mum was the non city worker and had a local sports thing then..... etc etc etc

Mumto2two · 18/01/2018 23:11

The poor boy, all this talk of HIS son, not your son etc. My eldest daughter from first marriage, has always very much been OUR child, and DH has always shared things in that regard. So I don't think that's the right mentality to encourage. I can understand maybe alternating with each other, every other week, or whatever suits. But it doesn't sound like your OH is very compromising. Definitely verging on being a jerk!
And I totally get the Friday drinks thing, it was a big part of my working culture, and quite important to feel part of the team.

Balonza · 18/01/2018 23:14

Maybe you are "in the bad books" so that you will be manipulated into doing his bidding tomorrow night to make up for your "misdemeanours" ( going out and not getting adequate supplies). I think you are right he is behaving in a controlling manner. You are worth more than this and if what I've read on thread after thread on here is true, it doesn't seem to get better. In fact it appears to get worse over time and especially at times when the controlling partner is under stress themselves. I wish you luck. Look after yourself xxx

cherryontopp · 18/01/2018 23:25

How long have you been together?

I would start to re think about this relationship. As others have said, he's showing he's not a good partner or husband.

Has his child for 4 nights a month, pisses off to play sports and expects you not go to pub to look after DSS.
Even if your DSS was your own child, this is still being selfish.

Utter piss taking bastard.

MsPavlichenko · 18/01/2018 23:34

Controlling behaviour is abusive. Not only the telling you what to do, when to come back etc but the sulking etc. It often starts/ramps up with pregnancy or birth, but in this case he is able to use his DS .

He wont change, and I expect his XP/W would have a similar story to tell. Think carefully about the life you want. And don't let him use his DS to manipulate you. His DD's attitude towards you/your relationship is already a poor example for him.

StickThatInYourPipe · 18/01/2018 23:40

Sorry op but I think I would be ubering right out of this relationship!

Original poster
imgettingtoooldforthis · 18/01/2018 23:55

We've been together nearly 10 years. Married 3. DH is guilty of being emotionally unavailable, doesn't tell me he loves me often. But always tells SS, his focus will be 100% on him when we are all together. Which is fine, but sometimes I feel a little like the 3rd wheel. I am happy for him to play footie, it's important for fitness and that SS sees that an active lifestyle is important I just get pissed off feeling guilty about being out or rushing home like a maniac! I had to talk to him about something this morning (invoice needed paying) he was snappy, abrupt and then hung up on me. Being honest I think it all stems from the fact we've not had sex all week and that makes him a total nightmare. (I haven't wanted too as been feeling sub par) His way of showing love is physical touch, but sometimes I would just like to be told that I'm loved. Not just you look hot, I can't wait to shag you. Deep down he just doesn't like me going out, I work in a male dominated industry and he works often from home (or overseas) - think he gets jealous he's stuck at home ..... and I'm out with the boys !

OP posts:
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