If you have worked all day, and looked after kids, and have glandular fever, and cooked dinner... your DH should choose to help you rather than go out for a fucking run?!

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I’m so bloody exhausted. But I’m in a new role that’s my dream job so I can’t have loads of time off sick. So I’m working... and then looking after kids (4 SN and 7)... then I cooked dinner. Just pasta. But still... I’m dead on my feet. House is a mess, I can’t swallow. Kids are still up.

DH decides to go out for a long run and have a long bath.

Disclaimer, he is training for the marathon. But seriously. I need to lay down. I feel like I’m dying. It’s 9.30 and I still haven’t managed to get the 4yo to sleep and he’s laying in the bath with his eyes closed.

Plus. My mum is coming tomorrow. I cannot have her see my house like this.

I just needed to vent. I’m fucked off.

I genuinely think men are bloody blind to things.

I think many men choose to be blind to things, usually because they know they can get away with it.

He's a selfish dick.
Give him hell!

GreenFingers OP is being a martyr. Yes dh is being a shithead but OP is enabling him to be a shithead. If dm comes today and does the chores, she also is enabling dh to be a shithead. OP needs to give him a list (if he's incapable of seeing what needs doing), cancel dm, go to bed with earphones playing nice music and close the door. It's surprising what can get done when you take yourself out of the equation.

*Falmer8, you've obviously never had glandular fever.

I can't believe a poor dog hasn't been walked in a week :(

That is cruel.

Give your husband a daily list of jobs that he has to fit around his training.
I run marathons but I still walk my dog and tidy my house and looked after the kids when they were young.

I genuinely think men are bloody blind to things.

WHY do women continue to enable this bullshit?

Men are no less capable than we are. If a man can hold down a job and have the discipline and organisational skills to train for a marathon (so planning meals, calorie intake, training and rest days) then that same man is perfectly capable of realising that his wife is ill, and that he needs to step the fuck up at home.

Everyone knows dogs need walking at LEAST once a day. They know that Christmas decorations need to be put away in the usual place and that toys need tidying up. He should also bloody realise that his wife is unwell and as a result he needs to do MORE, not bugger off and leave her struggling to the extent that HER mum has to come and help out because he's too pig-headed to do it himself.

It really frustrates me to read threads like this, where incapable, lazy, childish men are constantly enabled by those around them. Why should they change when people continue to allow them to do fuck all? They've managed to find someone to marry with them and have their kids, after all, so why would they change now?

Some people here really don't properly understand fatigue do they? I've had ME for 11 years, triggered by a serious virus. I am perfectly capable of sitting with my laptop and doing some work but can barely walk to the bathroom some days, let alone take a dog for a walk, even for 20 minutes. Viral and post viral fatigue are not the same as tiredness, some people are completely ignorant of this sort of condition.

OP, I recently had a big chat with my DH about his ability to feign incompetence over basic household tasks, while he's able to do a very complex job. He's really stepped up since which is making a massive difference to me. Stop allowing everything to be your responsibility by default. You need to divide up tasks for everyday situations, and explain that when one of you is sick the other needs to pick up the slack because it's not all your job FFS.

A few months ago my DS badly scratched my cornea - had to go to hospital and the treatment and injury made me feel so ill, I couldn't move. Got back and DH left me with twins so he could go back to work (he works from home) - for the few hours he was gone the boys thankfully played in the playpen while I lay on the sofa feeling utterly shocking. Luckily he came back down and saw what a state I was in and took the rest of the day and the following day off.

If training for a marathon is so inflexible then clearly he's not at the right time in his life to do it if he can't handle his other responsibilities at the same time.

I really feel for you OP. Your DH is a dick.

I feel for you. I m married to a marathon runner. It s really not very compatible with family life with small children. I say this as my dh ran a marathon when ds1 was 3 months old. His next marathon was a year later, 3 months before dd was due, his most recent one was 2.5 years ago before dd2 was born. Yes that pattern reflects his growing responsibilities and my shrinking tolerance for self absorbed hobbying....

YANBU he could have run early in the morning or after the DCs were in bed.

I’ve been fairly useless with hyperemesis and DP has been doing 99% of the household jobs and still manages to cycle 300km per week (on the turbo) so it’s definitely possible to do both but you have to organise your time well!

He should take a couple of days off from training so that he can help you over the worst, and then see how you feel.
Personally, I think the kids, at least the 7 year old should be responsible for tidying the toys away. They could also pitch in and do some minor chores. Otherwise they are just going to end up like your partner, sitting back watching you do everything.

GreenFingers I don't get you? I'm saying op should go to bed and stay there?

It is a bit rough that your dog hasn't been walked for a week! He should at least do that!

Cut him some slack, woman! He's saving the world running a marathon! If he doesn't train every night he may not beat his personal best. And where would you be then?

Sorry, I'm just trying to make light of the fact that your DH is being such an asshat.

Good point Chocolate! He could at least take the dog on his runs?

I get where people are coming from with the 'give him a list of jobs' posts, but this is someone who has not bothered to walk his dog for a week, and no dog owner needs that to be put on a fucking list. His sense of entitlement is the problem here. He doesn't think he ought to have to do anything, it's not that he's a clueless soul who just doesn't know where to start. This will require OP going nuclear to fix it.

I'd suddenly remember I've entered the coffee and cake marathon and fuck off out 'training' for this every night. See what cuntychops makes of that. (I left my marriage of 10 years after my husband proved to be a complete waste of body parts when and after I became life changingly ill so am extra pissed off on your behalf OP).

Hope you are feeling better OP and your mum has had strong words with your H.

Yes I agree with end.
If you have Glandular Fever and I was your Mum, I would be absolutely fine with mess and undone washing up etc. I'd do it all happily and then roast your DH's butt for him.
Work should also be fine with you being off sick - especially a Hospital.

When my DD had glandular fever she only moved between her bed and the sofa (and the bathroom) for about a month. Going to the Doctors would result in her sleeping for the rest of the day. She had to drop down a year in college but fortunately didn't have that serious after effects - my niece suffered hearing loss!

Yes you are right. Your fucking husband should not be going out for a fucking run.

StickyToffee, great post. It’s as if men are a separate species incapable of doing regular stuff that, you know, human beings do. Honestly I can’t understand why so many women accept this as the status quo, is it a communication problem?

No user, it's a patriarchy problem...

@barefoofdoctor hope you are getting more support and having lots of sleep!!!

Mine fucks off to his garage to do weights when dinner needs to be cleared away, DD needs bathing and put to bed etc he fucks off out in his sports car his pointless hobbies come first over childrearing or housework. Then he says I nag him :0

lilly0
I could not stay married to a man like that.

MaryPoppins just wondering if you're OK? Glandular fever put me in bed for a month. I think people who haven't had it don't realise how debilitating it is. Let us know.