If you have worked all day, and looked after kids, and have glandular fever, and cooked dinner... your DH should choose to help you rather than go out for a fucking run?!

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I’m so bloody exhausted. But I’m in a new role that’s my dream job so I can’t have loads of time off sick. So I’m working... and then looking after kids (4 SN and 7)... then I cooked dinner. Just pasta. But still... I’m dead on my feet. House is a mess, I can’t swallow. Kids are still up.

DH decides to go out for a long run and have a long bath.

Disclaimer, he is training for the marathon. But seriously. I need to lay down. I feel like I’m dying. It’s 9.30 and I still haven’t managed to get the 4yo to sleep and he’s laying in the bath with his eyes closed.

Plus. My mum is coming tomorrow. I cannot have her see my house like this.

I just needed to vent. I’m fucked off.

He could take the un exercised dog with him! The dog's exercise comes before his own, it's more important. I wouldn't have cooked his dinner either if he is the selfish type. I'd have bloody hit the roof.

If I were your Mum - I wouldn’t care what state the house was in when I arrived, I’d care what state you were in.

You would be sent to lie on the sofa and give me a list of things to do - the washing up, kids toys etc wouldn’t be an issue, they’d be dealt with along with everything else.

And when your “D”H arrived home from work I would have a little chat with him about his priorities and his selfishness. He wouldn’t be behaving like this again any time soon.

On the other hand, if I were your mother in law - I’d be beyond embarrassed at the selfish child I had raised and would be giving him both barrels. And suggesting you and the kids come and stay with me until you’re better, leaving him to his running (and his cooking, his cleaning, his laundry...) I’d expect him to be crawling back with flowers.

YANBU, it never ceases to amaze me how selfish some people seem to be.

It’s 10:30. He can get out of the bath NOW and do the dishes and toys, while you have a bath. Or just kill him. There is no way on this earth my husband would get away with that.

Is he out the bloody bath yet?
I’m a pretty serious runner and the dogs come with me if they haven’t had a walk. a little inconvenient but it’s better than the poor things not being walked for a week, or worse making my poorly DH do it. He sounds like a selfish arse.

Fuck that! I would have locked him out while he was out running, selfish prat. It wouldn't have made a difference as he wasn't any use in the house anyway.

You must feel like death op, it's lovely your mum is coming to help but that's what your dh is for.
Get him told to clean up and walk your poor dog. I hope you start to feel better soon

Oh my god
Your husband is lying in the bath while your dog hasn’t been walked for a week??? Your mum is coming to tidy up from Christmas while your fit and healthy husband spends his evenings lying in the bath???
What planet is he on

I really think it's mean not to take the dog out for a while.

Two words.

Justifiable Homicide

only slightly light-hearted

I'd have went ballistic. Is he out of the bath yet? When he gets out tell him to settle the kids and you put yourself in bed. Your mum will be happy to help you when you're sick.

Why are you working whilst suffering with Glandular fever / Surely you just need to take it easy for a few weeks until the worst has passed. I had it years ago and it completely wiped me out. Hope you feel better soon and YANBU !

Sorry just saw you are new in your role but you still need time off !

Your husband sounds appalling.

You have glandular fever, and he thinks training for a marathon is more important than looking after his children, walking the FAMILY dog and tidying up the toys that have been sat around since Christmas?

What a wanker. LTB.

Have you asked him to help out and told him you're struggling cos you're sick?

I genuinely think men are bloody blind to things. The only way DP thinks to do something is if I clearly ask which is a complete ball ache but I try to do it now as to be fair he does generally immediately do it. (and it saves me fuming silently that he isn't doing something that's obvious to me then exploding about it a day later)

I feel so sad at this, OP. How could anyone treat their wife like that? How could anyone treat their dog like that even?!

MyBrilliantDisguise

Will you be my mum

I mean this very nicely and gently, but where are you when he is doing all this ‘deciding’? When he announces that he’s going to take a bath, do you say to him ‘no you’re not, I am very sick and you need to look after our children’? Not that I think he should even have to be told! Just curious as to how he could possibly justify these actions, to you or to himself.

What a dick! Sorry you are unwell, glandular fever is horrid xx

Dude, he’s horrible.

Yeah. I don't really think people training for marathons and triathlons with babies are that cool tbh, though I know it's blasphemy against the God of Me-Time! and Taking Care of You! to say so. Whatever, right now it is pretty unfair that he is requiring you to summon up the energy to tell him that your life is utterly fucked and can he get his priorities in order. Why on earth does he need you to add that job to your bulging to do list?

Just tell him straight. It's been an impossible day and he has made it harder and you don't want any more days like this. Then go to bed. And FGS let your mum take care of you until your dh steps up because you are genuinely at risk of collapse.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!!! What A selfish twat!!

Even Jack Daniels says that you can move runs on your training programme (and if your DH doesn't know who that is, perhaps he needs to read up a bit more about successful running training plans).

He could either amend the run to makt it shorter and harder (and then shower rather than bathe afterwards) or swop today's long run with a different day, or get up at 4am tomorrow and do it then.

I get that the marathon is important. I don't agree with rigid training plans. And I think it's monumentally selfish of him to fail to see that your need for him to pitch in with his fair share (and more, as you are ill) is plenty good enough reason to amend training.

Fuck no. Let your "D"H know you're off to bed for some much needed rest and he can sort the dishes/kids stuff.

I love to run, I love a post run bath. Never would I think that takes priority over a sick partner

He hasn't walked the dog! He's a dick.

there are a few things here, he does need to do more but you also need to prioritise yourself if you want others to. Work never thanks a martyr, take some time - min half a day and just go to bed. at 4 and 7 kids can come out for a walk with dog at night give them torches they will love it. it only needs to be 20mins. Dogs need walking every day no excuses. The only time there is good reason not to is if you are snowed in or the dog is ill. DH can do another 20 mins in the am or something.

running is a bloody hobby and laying in the bath is bloody lazy when your wife is ill.
Mine would have been doing all he could to make my life easier under these circumstances, forgone his hobby and completely taken over sending me to bed/lie down.
I'm not married to a wanker though.