If you have worked all day, and looked after kids, and have glandular fever, and cooked dinner... your DH should choose to help you rather than go out for a fucking run?!

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I’m so bloody exhausted. But I’m in a new role that’s my dream job so I can’t have loads of time off sick. So I’m working... and then looking after kids (4 SN and 7)... then I cooked dinner. Just pasta. But still... I’m dead on my feet. House is a mess, I can’t swallow. Kids are still up.

DH decides to go out for a long run and have a long bath.

Disclaimer, he is training for the marathon. But seriously. I need to lay down. I feel like I’m dying. It’s 9.30 and I still haven’t managed to get the 4yo to sleep and he’s laying in the bath with his eyes closed.

Plus. My mum is coming tomorrow. I cannot have her see my house like this.

I just needed to vent. I’m fucked off.

@RB68 great advice for a single parent. OP does not need to leave her sickbed to walk the dog as that is her partner's responsibility.
OP, perhaps remind him that, as a single parent, he would have sole responsibility for the kids and dog as you convalesce from your post viral fatigue syndrome, and therefore be unable to run at all.

When I had glandular fever I couldn't walk to the toilet by myself - a 20 minute dog walk would have finished me. Your DH is a thoughtless cumweasel, if you had the energy I'd hope you make that abundantly clear to him.

This is what being a bloody martyr does to some people around you, they become lazy selfish fucker’s. Now that you know you’ve got one of these you should proceed accordingly. There’s no point bemoaning that you have one, just make it abundantly clear that it isn’t your job to do everything, which means you shouldn’t attempt to, even when you’re not ill.

Prioritising a run over walking a dog that hasn’t been walked all week is inexcusable. I certainly would not support my partner in prioritising an activity above his responsibilities to his family, Stop picking up his slack and I’m afraid your mother’s visit where she will be doing stuff an able bodied man can do is, picking up his slack.

A change in attitude needs to happen from both of you, don’t afford him the opportunity to be a selfish arse because now you know, he will run with it if you do.

Why on earth are you letting him do this? Stop enabling him.

Tell him it's not on and remind him the dog, DC and house are 50% his responsibility.

You take priority right now as you're ill so he needs to take over for a while.

Sorry OP but I agree with the last few posters- WTF? Stop being a martyr. Go to bed and rest.

Marathon training IS hard and there is nothing worse than people saying you can just miss this run you can just do xyz (And no you can’t take the dog ) because where does that end? I have someone saying that to me at least once a week- how would I get the training in? It is what it is.

That said- no reason at all for the situation you’ve found yourself in because your H can be flexible. He could’ve run after everyone was in bed. Potentially Could’ve swapped sessions and done a shorter one.

But why would he when you’ll just soldier on keeping everything going?

Hope you feel better soon

What a shit husband he is though

He is a selfish and unkind person.

I wouldn't dream of behaving as he has done.

Not walking the dog in a week is really cruel too.

You DH is a selfish shit

You are recovering from serious illness, working in a new job
He prioritises his hobby over his responsibilities to his sick wife, his small children, his dog, his house

Don't clear/clean - no worry if the house is a tip when your mum comes
it just shows him up for a selfish arse, not you

Save all the energy you can by STOPPING anything you do for him
e.g. if you do any of his washing, ironing, meals
and I hope your mum won't wait on him either - she should be helping 100% you, not him

Cancel your mum. Tell dh to phone your work for a day off due to illness, phone his own work for day off, list of things that need doing and you go to bed, door closed!

Hope you feel better soon

He's being a dick. Tell him.

As a bare minimum he should have walked the dog, it's not fair that the dog gets neglected. As for your mum coming, she's coming to help, so let her. I hope you feel better soon op, and when you do, please tell your dh what a selfish, inconsiderate fuckwit of a man he is. If he can train for a marathon he can surely walk a dog and do some washing up?! That shouldn't be too physically taxing for a man about to run 20+ miles.

I'm lost for words!!

Where to begin

Sexism (the women are expected to pick up all the slack), shirking responsibility and cruelty to animals.

What a catch he is!
Why do you put up with this?????????

if she is not able to manage 20 minutes outside with dog then why is she working and decision making, conference calling etc. My whole point is she needs to reprioritise and if she needs to be in bed then so be it - maybe he thinks she is OK because she is just carrying on. Frankly as ill as that if my choice was housework or dog walking I would pick the latter far less effort. And if they really are unable to go outside for 20 min for the dog then they should pay someone. If she is too ill she needs to say so and put in place actions to resolve the situation not moan about it. Illness does not absolve you of responsibility even if you have a partner. Yes he has been selfish and he needs to get out of the bath and do some stuff and get up 20 mins earlier and take the dog out in the am.

Perhaps you should find a dog walker. Unless you dog is really old or ill it needs a walk.

Sorry the PP already suggested a dog walker

I know its a new job... but really pushing on thru glandular fever is likely to fuck you up longer term. Call in sick. Get to bed. get yourself well.

DH can walk the dog before work surely? Or is the dog 'yours' and he hates it or something?

He’s a massively selfish prick.

There’s no way I’d let my Mum come and do stuff he’s perfectly able to do. No way.

Training for a Marathon...it’s a hobby, it comes AFTER your responsibilities. IF you can fit training in AFTER your responsibilities, fine, if not then you don’t have the time to be training for a marathon. It’s really very simple. Yes, you have to train seriously if you’re going to run a marathon and you can’t miss too many sessions etc, but what selfish gits seem to forget is that training for a marathon is a CHOICE.

Same goes for you when you’re well though. IF you are prioritising training over walking your dog & sorting out your house then I think it’s shitty of you to allow your Mum to come and do it all for you.

I have life long problems after having GF, underestimate it at your own peril. Trust me, you do NOT want to end up like me.

OP I hope you are feeling better this morning.

@RB68 the nature of glandular fever means the OP could very well be based at home either on her sofa or bed writing emails and making decisions but the effort of physically and being up and walking the dog is another story. At best it's exhausting, at worst can knock you out for weeks and have a long term effect on your health. Being ill doesn't absolve you of all responsibility, but this isn't the OPs sole responsibility - it's shared with her DH so reprioritizing and paying dog walkers shouldn't be necessary.

OP, it sounds like you are at the tail end of this. Don't stress about the state of your house - it reflects on your DH not you. If you can, please do take today/tomorrow off and spend a few days in bed. The risk of this lingering as long term fatigue is very real. Hope you feel better soon

You've got to take time off. It's glandular fever, not a sniffle. Any NHS organisation will understand you can't work through that, even if they'd like you to be working.

Your husband has a shitty attitude. Tell him this is the end of any support he will ever get from you if he doesn't step up, deal with the house and kids and walk the dog (neglectful not to). And point out that if you end up in hospital he won't be able to do the marathon at all. If you don't get a good response to that, I'd be pouring bleach over his running shoes.

Exactly Annie, that's why I suggested cancel dm otherwise she'll do all the chores which dh should be doing. He needs to take one day from work or find a way round it and get sorted, not leave it to dm.

YANBU OP! How on earth can he justify going for a run and then have the gall to lie down in a bath???!?!

He needs to step up and take over all the household tasks until you're better. He's running you into the ground.

I run long distancd and have an ultra marathon planned for June but if my DH or Kids needs me they come first. This isnt rocket science and you need to stop being a matyr.

Its not your responsibility to delegate tasks when your ill but you should inform your NDH that you need to rest and he needs to take over.

My mum is lovely, but there’s no way I can let her arrive to a sink full of washing up and kids toys everywhere. It’s like I’m expecting her to do it, and she’s doing enough already. I feel really guilty

Chill. She's your Mum and she is coming to help you. You have glandular fever and I know how much that can knock you out. I very much doubt she is expecting to arrive at a perfectly clean house. let her help you and don't be so hard on yourself.

But your DH on the other hand... he is a selfish twat and you need to call him on it. As said above by other runners, there are aways of switching long/short runs around - especially if your OH is ill and needs your help.

And LouHotel, This isnt rocket science and you need to stop being a matyr well, that's a helpful comment. She isn't being a martyr, her Dh is being a shithead. Give her a break.