SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

[bummypicklemummy]

Bottom feeding cunts.

[bummypicklemummy]

They didn't report for days until the thread went south. Awful pieces of shit they are.

[PasstheStarmix]

Wouldn’t even call it a newspaper really; should rename it junkmail

[Lizzie48]

I don't have a paid job, but I do work for a Christian charity 2 or 3 days a week, only during term time, though. Other than that, I like reading, watching daytime TV and mumsnetting. I do jobs around the house as well, though.

I'm actually not well, though, I'm on Sertraline and I suffer from PTSD, and I have very little energy.

I also have 2 adopted DDs, 8 and 5, and DD1 has been giving us a lot of problems with her violent meltdowns recently, and goes to sleep very late.

[Roseandmabelshouse]

I run my child back and forth to nursery and toddler groups. In my free time I do what I want. I sometimes do a bit of work (on a zero hours contract). But I have another creative hobby which I do and enjoy child free.

On non-nursery days we meet friends and go to the museum/park/walk/farms etc. Often afternoons are 'slow' afternoons while my toddlers play and watch tv while I have a cup of tea in peace.

I do minimal cleaning - we have a cleaner. I do try to make all meals from scratch and suitable for toddlers so that their food is prepared the following day. We do have to go out shopping etc. But most of all we just have a lovely time together and with friends with as little rushing about as possible.

I appreciate financially we are well off and while I do work as I mentioned, it's not crutial to cover our expenses.

I have massive respect for working mothers. I did the same things when I worked, it was just very stressful and my time was very rushed. I now have some genuine 'me time' which makes me a much better mother.

[PinkPomeranian]

The Kardashians don't watch themselves, you know.

Well, they probably do but you know what I mean.

[YoloSwaggins]

For those of you with kids at school and cleaners/dogwalkers, that spend their time chilling or doing hobbies - do you not feel guilty that your partner is working FT while you're living a relatively easy life?

[PaddingtonBearHardStare]

Slow news day in Hull today

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids/what-you-day-huge-backlash-1104423

F off with your lazy journalism Hull Daily Mail

[Fruem]

Fuck you Daily Mail, Fuck you!


Mumsnetters - I hadn’t come back because in all honestly, I forgot to check! I didn’t get any emails to say I’d had any replies. I only saw this when I scanned the Dailyfail and saw my username come up.

I’m a full time stay at home mum myself! I didn’t write it to provoke you all. I asked because once the housework is done, the kids are happy and playing together I’m bored as fluff. I was interested in what others did to fill them time.


Interesting reading though, thank you

[JoandMax]

Yolo - no I don’t feel guilty. We reached the decision that me being home works best for us all for a variety of reasons. If that changed then we’d rethink how we manage things

[moochypooch]

Dh did suggest we got a cleaner but as much as I dislike cleaning, I disliked having a cleaner more - I asked her to leave and was really happy to see her go.

[1ndig0]

Yolo - I think that question was probably answered 30 pages ago!

But no is the answer because, in those kind of cases, the extra income earned if the wife went to work would be negligible so it's not worth it - eg. would you bother doing a 40 hour week and not be there when the kids get home for say, £40k, if your DH earned ten times that?

One parent being at home makes life a lot easier for a whole host of reasons so, in those kind of financial circumstances, it is simply common sense.

[NataliaOsipova]

As I said upthread, those kind of goady questions are enraging- don't you feel guilty about....? I could ask a WOHM if she feels guilty that she doesn't pick her kids up from school or that they have to go into clubs or childcare in the holidays. But I wouldn't do that because it'd be crass.

[TheHolidayArmadillo]

Yolo - I don't feel guilty because it means that at the weekends we don't have to spend the time playing catch up on chores and running around trying to fit in activities for the kids that we wouldn't be able to do in the week if we both worked. I also don't feel guilty because I know that unless I'm majorly ill, he won't have to take time off work to cover the childcare. His holidays are genuinely time off too, which they wouldn't be if we had to find 13-14 weeks of school holiday cover.

So all things considered, I don't feel guilty. It works pretty well for both of us.

[Tullula]

My husband seems to fit in plenty of recreation time for himself. Plays sport one lunchtime at work, and one evening, sometimes cycles at the weekend, often goes to the gym before work.
He prefers that I’m at home with the kids. Reckons they’d spend their time on electronics if I wasn’t there. He likes seeing pictures of us on days out when they’re on school holiday - beach days/ forest walks.

I’m with the poster above - I could make plenty comments to one particular working mum I know who sends her kids to childcare even on family holidays.

I think we’ve lost sight of what’s important in life.

[ChocolateWombat]

I don't think anyone needs to feel guilty - just fortunate perhaps.

If people can afford for one partner (or even both) not to work, then that's their good fortune. If a couple have decide one will be at home whilst the other is in paid work and it's a choice which works for the whole family, then it's a family decision and no guilt is needed at all.

Lots of working partners would prefer not to be at home and are happy to do the paid work and to financially support their partner and family. There are benefits for the whole family of someone not working - the house might be under control more, the children might be better fed or have he benefits of more access to a parent, possibly to more activities, and the whole family may find time at home calmer and happier than with 2 people working. These benefits are delivered to all the family because one person is at home and not out working. The person who is at home is playing a vital role in the family - it is just different to paid work. No guilt required.

Feeling fortunate - yes! It is fortunate to be able to afford to have one adult not in paid work and that the other can earn enough to support the whole family. Many don't have that option and need to work either part time or full time and then do much of what the SAHMs do as well, in terms of house stuff, childcare etc - it has to be squeezed into a tighter time frame and so there will be less 'me' time, probably for both workers.

Those who work and would prefer not to - I think it's fine to feel a bit envious of those who have options we don't - but that doesn't mean hose who do have more choices should feel guilty or be made to feel guilty,

Isn't it just a fact that some people have more than others in all kinds of ways. Some have bad health whilst others have good health - there is no need for those in good health to feel guilty, just fortunate again. Some have happy relationships and some have miserable ones. Again, no need to feel guilty about happiness - just fortunate.

[moochypooch]

He likes seeing pictures of us on days out when they’re on school holiday - beach days/ forest walks Dh like me to send him pics of this too - it makes him smile!

And I refrain from asking working mums any of the difficult questions about their choices, it's rude and I don't see it as my business....guilt is not an emotion exclusive to SAHMs.

[Roseandmabelshouse]

Yolo - not at all. We have always hadn't cleaner.

I've given up an amazing career to enable my husband to peruse his. We have incompatible careers with children to now care for.

I have already acknowledged that we are ina good financial situation so very lucky. My husband is really happy for me to take 'time out' for me in order to maintain a bit of my identity. Looking after children all day with no personal space is relentless and draining. My husband knows it's important for my well being. He is happy that I can do the majority of raising our children instead of putting our children in childcare full time. That's really important to us and we are very fortunate it's an option.

No guilt. Just happy to contribute in different ways. It's a team effort.

[monopoly5]

Myself & my friends all work 2 or 3 days a week. We don’t all need too but we do it out of choice. Working is not always about the financial incentive.

I will be going back after Feb half term 2 days a week. After 14 months mat leave I cannot wait.

Myself and my friends don’t have any guilt & I would hate to feel judged by SAHMs. In the same breadth I wouldn’t think SAHMs are lazy & I agree that 3.30 comes around super fast.

[ChocolateWombat]

I Agree that women need to accept e choices that each other make and try to avoid asking questions or making comments about each other's choices or what people are doing, when actually they have no choice.

Some people have made a choice and we spassume it is the right one for their family. If they have genuine choice about if to work or not, then they have had the luxury of choice and chosen according to theirs and their family's values and priorities about work, money, personal fulfilment, health, children etc. Although those are their choices and are right for them, it is crass and quite naieve to assume that their choice is objectively the right and only choice and therefore best and that others who have a choice and choose something else are wrong, or worse still, that those who don't have a choice, but are doing something else to the thing they have chosen, are wrong.

So these comments about 'I don't know how they cope' or 'it's about knowing what's important' or 'it's about putting the children first' are totally unhelpful and unempathetic. They assume that their choice is objectively the right one and other people who live different lives are to be pititied or have got it wrong.

Both SAHM and working mums feel judged and criticised by the other. SAHM mums feel criticised for not developing a career and financial independence or for having more time to choose what to do with, and working mums feel judged and criticised because the children get less time with them.

In the end, the family with the financial means to give genuine choice about if to work or not are very fortunate, regardless of which of these options they choose. Those who have that choice should recognise how fortunate they are and recognise that others in the same position just make different choices, but also remember that many end up staying at home or going to work because of financial pressures - that they don't have the luxury of choice. Empathetic people recognise this and then don't make too many comments about their own situation or that of others. Particularly,mimplying that those with no choice (maybe not working because childcare costs make it impossible, or working because a high mortgage makes it necessary) have somehow got it wrong, or got their priorities wrong, is just so unhelpful. Many people don't have many choices, but do the best with what they face. Emphasising the choices or luxuries we have is essentially bragging.

And those who lack choice and who find themselves having to do something they wish they didn't have to, either staying at home or working, just need to accept it and not be caught up in over powering envy of others. Most people have limited or no choices and have happy and fulfilled lives. The grass is t always greener and we all need to enjoy what we've got and not spend our lives comparing, but it's true, that comparison is the thief of joy.

[betgilroy]

I'd love to be a stay at home mum.
I could easily fill my time and wouldn't miss work one bit

[ChocolateWombat]

Another thing people say which isn't helpful is 'I do t have to work, but I do' because it makes those with no choice feel a bit second class. It is a bit of boasting about having choices - making sure that people know you could stay at home if you chose, but you just don't choose to.
Fortunate you if you have the choice. No need to remind others you have a choice that they don't have.

We wouldn't say those who are sick 'I'm really well' or 'I was sick but I'm now all better' or 'Unlike you, I could afford to buy a house, but I just choose to rent' would we - but some of these comments emphasising the choices we have are basically bragging about wealth.

[Pennysher]

I spend all of my free time learning new skills that I do not have. How other people spend their free time is none of my business.

[monopoly5]

ChocolateWombat

Oops hoping I didn’t sound braggy. I wanted to say that people don’t always work because of money & I don’t like the narrative that if you work & you use childcare it’s bad. I agree with lots of your points & choice is indeed privilege. I feel sorry for the mums who wish they could be at home & the mums who wish they could work. We are all just trying to make our own way.

[Tullula]

I agree too. And it’s only because in the years since I’ve given up my career that I’m regularly asked when I’m going back. Which leaves me feeling that the choice we’ve made together for our family isn’t worthwhile.
Most of my friends that are working mums would rather not be working, and most work really hard to fit their career round their children.