SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

Also, OP, there must be lots of SAHMs who cannot afford the lifestyle described by some here. I was one! We certainly had to cut our cloth- no yoga or personal trainers but plenty of spending time with friends, particularly when we all had pre-schoolers. Ours was a real sisterhood that has continued. It has also meant that when there's an emergency (illness, family problem) or Inset day, there is a ready and willing network of families to help.

We may have been close to the bone financially but were, and continue to be, enriched by our friends.

Hell hath no fury like a WOHM. As she rushes to condemn every woman who has decided to live her life a little differently.

I like my life. If you don’t like yours, change it. X

I’m not sure who I should be responding to here, but the point I was trying to make, is that work satisfaction is not reserved for people doing jobs that could be objectively described as exciting, socially conscious, glamorous, etc. I think often SAHMs explain their choices (if they feel the need to) by saying “Well if I had a “big” career then I’d have continued to work, but I just had a “job” so it wasn’t worth it. My job is routine in many ways, but I still get lots of satisfaction from it. You don’t need to be saving the world to be doing something worthwhile.

I’m also a big believer in the notion that “if you want to have something done, give it to a busy woman to do it.” I’m a terrific “multitasker” and despite having a FT job and three kids, I still manage to get dinner on the table and have children dressed in clean clothes. The idea of SAHM in order that everyone is fed is just a bit beyond me. Organize and delegate - you can do both!

But I suppose I think of the terrific “facilitated men” thread of a few weeks ago, and know that I need to do more than simply facilitate people.

Our family courts value the contribution of SAH parents and parents who work outside the home EQUALLY. I have to wonder why the OP is so old-fashioned.

Stealth, you said a few times that my husband must be bored at work.

I’d said a few times that I’m divorced. When I was a SAHM my then husband was bored, but he’d have been a shite stay at home parent as he can’t cook (now lives on eating out and tinned soup), and could ignore the dc for England.

I have mostly worked since the divorce with gaps between contracts. I’m now on a gap - and thank goodness as my ds (who lives w me full time) is struggling w a mood disorder and if I wasn’t here it would be very difficult for him. I’m going to have to go back to work in a few months and I’m quite worried about him.

Apologies I missed that.

Apart from trying to keep house clean and tidy there is the laundry,cooking,shopping,garden,outside of property to maintain,organising "stuff" for after school activities, maintaining accounts, decorating,seeing to elderly relatives,volunteer with under 5s organisation, babysit for mums now and again,, collect kids from school as well as for some mums when too busy, ill or have another child ill. Organise weekends, holidays. Exhausted now.

www.facebook.com/dailymirror/posts/10156375635254162

Not sure if the link above has been shared already...

MiaowTheCat

100% Agree.

Pitting women against women.

Misogynist.

I’m a SAHM due to childcare it’s not cost effective. I miss working, interacting with other adults and getting out the house. I have an 21 month old cook and clean but it doesn’t take the full day even with the school run. At times I can be bored senseless. Previously I have returned to work following maternity leave but my df has terminal cancer so therefore when I once had parents to help they are no longer able to. Once DS gets 30 hours it will be so much easier.

I couldn't give a shiney shit what other women do, nor how many hours somebody works for an employer, or if they don't.
Why do so many others care? It's a bit weird really, and you don't see men bothered about things like this, they probably don't have the time nor the inclination.

I agree gillybeanz. I’m happy, my dh is happy, our kids are as happy as teenagers are.

Why do some working mums care so much? Continual anger isn’t a sign that their life is content, and it’s certainly not an incentive to go back to work.

I agree gillybeanz and Tullula I don't get the anger either. In my experience most of us have challenges or stress from lots of angles. A little more support is called for.

I see friends juggling their work with childcare for all sorts of reasons, because they have to, or want to.
They aren't lesser people because they choose/have no choice over their circumstances, and it's different to my belief or how we manage our family.
I don't think I've ever heard anyone say we're doing xy or z because it doesn't suit our family and is completely wrong for us.

"Hell hath no fury like a WOHM. As she rushes to condemn every woman who has decided to live her life a little differently."

Nice lumping together of all WOHMs there.

However I think the key is DECIDED.

I bet there are millions of women both SAHM and WOHM who would prefer to work, say, very part time, or school hours only, or from home in the career of their choice, but have had to go into SAHM or WOHM full time / year round because the opportunity simply wasn't there for them to do what they wanted for one reason or another.

There's probably a lot of compromise involved for many if not most.

Yes I think it's usually about compromise and the opportunity cost of staying at home versus working.

Some women literally can't afford to work because the nursery care is more than they earn.

Some women are married to very high earners and they know that any money they make, even if it's a fairly good salary, will be largely invisible in terms of the family finances. So they feel that they can contribute more to the family by being at home.

Some women are SAHM because of cultural expectations.

Some families have DC with complex needs, lots of children or are carers to elderly relatives etc. The loss of salary does impact the family but they decide on their priorities and "cut their cloth" accordingly.

There are SAHMs who feel like they can barely cope day to day. Maybe they have depression. There are SAHMs who largely "swan about", just as there are WOHMs who are stressed, bored, depressed, resentful, as opposed to those with easy jobs or who use work to "escape" being at home. There are all types in all roles.

It's true that some women have the privilege of choice to be at home if this is what they actually want, but equally it's true that some women have better job prospects, better marriages and so on.

There are SAHMs who largely "swan about", just as there are WOHMs who are stressed, bored, depressed, resentful, as opposed to those with easy jobs or who use work to "escape" being at home. There are all types in all roles.

Very true but there are also women in jobs not classed as ‘easy’ and those that also enjoy these e.g lawyers, solicitors

I didn't work after dc because I couldn't imagine not being a sahm, my dh agreed with me.
I had a good career/business but I didn't want to continue, so we cut our cloth accordingly.
We made a lot of sacrifices and money was very tight for many years, but it's what we both wanted.
I swanned around managing the home and family for 25 years and have no regrets at all, no way would I have enjoyed working, even when they were at school.
I work pt now and enjoy it at this stage in my life. I'll probably stop again when dd is independant. Now I'm saving

I don’t think anyone is objecting to someone living their life in a different way.
But some people are attacking others for their perception of their life. Ie some working mums seem to be attacking SAHM mums for their life.
Just leave it alone. Be glad we’re not after your job: if we don’t want paid employment for whatever reason that’s our business.

Tullula

I've not rtft but have seen enough on here to know it happens.
I just wanted to admit to being a happy swanner.
To also say what suits your family at one stage may well change over their childhood/ your life.

Not sure what Swanner is?

But yes, I never envisaged being a SAHM. I was a professional, but then we decided better for the kids for me to be at home because we had no family nearby. Then the kids developed chronic illness and it’s just easier if I’m there for them.

When I resigned I got grief from other staff - also professionals - why was I giving up my career. But it wasn’t just about me...

Maybe I’ll go back, maybe I won’t. Just now it works.

Very good point. Life sometimes is unpredictable, and we’re all just doing our best.

I have ambitions to Swan around. I'm about as graceful as a semi lame duck though.

I had about a year once, no work and no DC at home as at school. It was depressing tbh, none stop housework. Home by 9, coffee and breakfast. By the time I'd done grocery shop, financial stuff, cleaning it was 2pm. If I ever went out for the day straight from school run then 3pm I was home with DC and greeted by breakfast dishes, unmade beds, untidy chatoic bathroom, post to open, children needing snacks, homework etc etc all ontop of the DC bickering and demanding my attention.

Working 9-5 is a break compared to been a SAHM in my opinion.

Personally I have chemotherapy & all the associated regular appointments which I've had to have over the last four years.