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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP hit me with a slipper!

144 replies

SlipperShock · 16/01/2018 19:20

I've NC for this.

My fiance and I were messing about, 'play fighting' and we were pushing about etc. He stuck his arse out as if he were to fart so I took my slipper off and chased after him. I threw my slippers towards him but missed deliberately. He then threw them back. (All childish I know). Anyway he called it quits. I went to shake his hand, a way we call it quits.

He then smacks my bare arm, full force with the slipper. It really bloody hurt, made me cry and my arm went bright red. He's hit me so hard that he's left the slippers tread imprinted on my arm Angry

He's apologised and I know he's sorry but I'm bloody angry. First of all he called it quits but then to hit me with such force?

I know this is all very childish. But we do play fight often. I'm completely shocked at what he's done.

OP posts:
SomewhereInbetween1 · 16/01/2018 19:47

Is this serious?! #FirstWorldProblems

ReanimatedSGB · 16/01/2018 19:47

OK, some people really can't get their heads round the idea of play fighting, but some people enjoy it without problems (same goes for BDSM). But it's also true that some people (nearly always men) are very keen on play fighting as an excuse to hurt or punish their partner with no consequences.

In your case: have a think about the rest of the relationship. Who usually gets to 'win' when you disagree? Do you give in to your DP a lot because, no big deal, because he's inclined to sulk if he doesn't get his own way, because you love each other etc... Prior to this particuar play fight, had he been cross about anything? Had you 'got the better of him' in something?

Trashboat · 16/01/2018 19:47

If it's not for you that's fine but no need to make such sweeping generalisations about others on the basis of something harmless

The OP is about being hurt so much she cried. Someone else said it always ends in tears. Is it harmless?
I'm truly not uptight at all, but I do think 'play fighting' is a bit pathetic and used when there is no replacement by the way of sense of humour, or the nouse of thinking of something more interesting to do.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 19:47

Sounds like play fighting gone a bit too far. Tell him you don't like it. Dh sometimes gets a bit carried away, I have to tell him to pack it in.

wrenika · 16/01/2018 19:48

So play fighting ended in 'tears'...isn't that what we remind kids...

Namechange16 · 16/01/2018 19:48

You both sound ridiculous. It's not abuse,just a game gone awry.

HighwayDragon1 · 16/01/2018 19:48

I accidentally slapped dh on the belly so hard it left a giant hand print Blush we were messing about, it was an accident,shit happens.

ProperLavs · 16/01/2018 19:49

so, what do you want OP?

stickytoffeevodka · 16/01/2018 19:49

Well, have you asked him why he carried on this time?

etap · 16/01/2018 19:49

LTB

RadioGaGoo · 16/01/2018 19:49

Don't worry Trashboat. Your fail didn't look that idiotic.

JeReviens · 16/01/2018 19:51

Have you logged it with 101 yet?

Inertia · 16/01/2018 19:51

It's only playing if both of you trust one another within the parameters you both understand. Clearly you can't trust him to stick within those boundaries anymore - playfighting shouldn't descend into painful violence, and if is losing control then at the very least you need to pack in the playfights, and perhaps take a look at how the wider relationship works in terms of power/control.

sadie9 · 16/01/2018 19:51

He gave you a slap. And very hard.
Sounds like he gets aggressive when he's play fighting and somewhere in his unconscious he felt you needed to get a slap. He couldn't control that urge. So maybe play fighting isn't for him.

Trashboat · 16/01/2018 19:52

Are you flirting with me Radio?

I might have to come and have a play fight with you 😂

PsychoPumpkin · 16/01/2018 19:53

My husband and I play fight every now and again, but quits means quits. If either of you can’t stop when quits are called, it’s probabky best you don’t play fight again.

throwcushions · 16/01/2018 19:53

"I'm truly not uptight at all, but I do think 'play fighting' is a bit pathetic and used when there is no replacement by the way of sense of humour, or the nouse of thinking of something more interesting to do."

Perhaps in your case. We have plenty to do and talk about. We watch classic films, go walking, discuss politics, discuss the novels we are reading, cook nice meals. And sometimes, we play fight. I don't see anything pathetic about that so no need to judge something simply because you do not understand it.

OP, if something doesn't sit right with you about this then stop the play fighting and see what happens.

UpABitLate · 16/01/2018 19:53

I've never done play fighting with any of my boyfriends. Am I missing something?

Mind you I'm quite small so I'd probably get injured extremely quickly.

Me and my brother used to fight, no playing about it! So I know what that's like.

He hit you as hard as he could I'd be utterly fucking livid.

OliviaMansfield · 16/01/2018 19:53

Are you the same person who posted a few weeks ago about their dp hurting them whilst playfighting?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/01/2018 19:54

My DP and I ‘play fight’. He is extremely ticklish and I’m not. He pins me down and blows raspberries on me. I has never ended in tears. Neither side of what we do hurts the other one though. Maybe that’s the difference.

Having fun in a relationship is not a bad thing as long as both are happy with what’s happening.

octonaught · 16/01/2018 19:54

What adults do "playfighting"? Hmm
I thought it stopped about aged 8.
You both sound really immature

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/01/2018 19:56

*It has

Alienspaceship · 16/01/2018 19:56

Grow up. Things like that always happen when children play fight - and it seems to adults to.

LineysRuff · 16/01/2018 19:57

Well everyone's different.

The OP's unhappy and hurt, and she feels her DP broke his word.

HermioneAndMsJones · 16/01/2018 19:58

Op time to sit down with him and let him know that play fighting is fun but only if you both adhere to some rules.
One of them is that you call it quit, that’s it. It is REALLY the end of it.

If there are too many instances where you end up hurt, then I would suggest to stop altogether.
I would make that clear to him too.

As I say to my own dcs, play fighting is only play when both people are enjoying it.