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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paid off mortgage

332 replies

iwant2know · 16/01/2018 13:39

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:

g1itterati · 16/01/2018 17:15

I have no idea why this would be an issue. What would be the point of telling anyone about your mortgage? Why would they be interested? Just take no notice of the loons.

franktheskank · 16/01/2018 17:41

No ones business but yours

RoseWhiteTips · 16/01/2018 17:43

iwant2know

@Battleax I'm sorry I should have said my dss's. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

Offend?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/01/2018 17:46

I've had flowers from the bank before. Years ago now - my ex and I went in to arrange accounts because we were divorcing. By the time we got home a few hours later a bouquet had arrived.

FlaviaAlbia · 16/01/2018 17:51

The cheek of her opening your card and then having the gall to be upset over what she read

PillowCate · 16/01/2018 18:03

I've never heard of anyone 'announcing' it & have no idea among my friends which ones are still paying mortgages & which ones aren't.
it could be a new thing like gender sex reveal parties. Mortgage reveal party.

Christmascardqueen · 16/01/2018 18:08

For the health of the family I don’t think financial matters should be private. Sharing this info with a sister or brother should be normal conversation. Maybe your bank has better mortgages maybe you had a really easy trick that saved you money in the long run.
Even just offering them hope that it comes up eventually.

ButIamrightright · 16/01/2018 18:13

YANBU.

We won’t be mortgage free for a long time however I wouldn’t necessarily feel the need to keep it a secret if we were. I don’t understand why it would make someone jealous or expect more of you though. Surely it’s all relative? Person A might have paid off their 300k mortgage but Person B might have a small mortgage on a 1.2m house.

PumpkinPie2016 · 16/01/2018 18:15

Ours is paid off as we did a lot of saving and paid it. Wouldn't dream of going about telling people though!

Your sister should not have opened the card!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 16/01/2018 18:19

Your sister may possibly have learned a lesson today, as her snooping (not your financial situation) has made her feel like shit.

Maybe she’ll keep her nose where it belongs in future.

mimibunz · 16/01/2018 18:24

Does your sister usually have trouble knowing where you end and she begins? Sounds like she has dotted line boundaries and some competition issues.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/01/2018 18:57

For the health of the family I don’t think financial matters should be private. Sharing this info with a sister or brother should be normal conversation.

Well, this would very much depend on the family, wouldn't it? If your siblings know you've now got up to £1,000 per month spare, then some might think they have an entitlement to some of that. The OP's sister clearly can't work out what's hers and what's the OP's.

Christmascardqueen · 16/01/2018 19:47

MyBrilliant, then you discuss “snowballing” and paying off other debts or pension savings.

ForalltheSaints · 16/01/2018 19:53

I find the bank's sending a card and flowers strange and not really appropriate. Opening a card without asking likewise.

Who you choose to tell about your financial matters is your own business, apart from perhaps the taxman. I don't blame anyone keeping it a secret if they want to.

LakieLady · 16/01/2018 20:01

We're paying ours off next month.

It's with Virgin Money, so I'm expecting nothing less than a week on Branson's private island.

Your DSis is BVU, OP.

Ilikesweetpeas · 16/01/2018 20:07

Your sister shouldn't have opened the card! We hope you have our mortgage paid off by 2019 and have already had the conversation that this is personal, we won’t be sharing this news with family

Want2bSupermum · 16/01/2018 20:13

I think your sister is jealous. DH and I are very high income and have purchased a home for his parents and paid off his sisters mortgage. My MiL was upset because their home had a mortgage on it while my SIL didn't have a loan against it.

My SIL is really sick and it doesn't look like she will live longer than 10 years. We paid off her mortgage to help her with her anxiety. It was one less thing to worry about. We also pay all her utilities and maintenance costs. She needs to focus on her health. My MiL continues to baffle me because you would think she would want the same for her DD. Money can make some people go funny, especially when it isn't them who have earned it. In RL we never let people know about our finances.

Congratulations on paying off your home!

HildaZelda · 16/01/2018 20:21

I don't know ANYONE who's announced that they've paid their mortgage off. Honestly, not one person. We've got about 5 years left on ours. Obviously will be delighted when it's paid off, but DEFINITELY won't be announcing it to anyone.

Christmascardqueen · 16/01/2018 22:17

all my colleagues at work and friends via sports mentioned it on one way or another. "we're getting a new car this month as we've just paid off our mortgage a short while ago" or "we're taking a vacation of a lifetime because the mortgage is paid off." or how come no one told us that the final mortgage payment includes xyz additional fees.

PiffleandWiffle · 16/01/2018 22:24

Exactly, it does come up in conversation with friends & colleagues.

One of my colleagues has just got a mortgage & I was taking the piss, saying that she'd still have 22 years to go when mine was done....

Most Jocular!!

StillSeekingResponsibleAdult · 16/01/2018 22:24

We didn't really tell anyone during the brief, glorious moment we were paid off, we have one again now in order to upgrade. Never got any flowers, but we were with Northern Rock, so they probably couldn't afford it!

puglife15 · 16/01/2018 22:32

Weird reaction but I can understand your sister being upset. I imagine you've been compared a lot of your life and it will be her feelings about her own situation coming out. Try to be gentle on her.

Saz1995 · 16/01/2018 22:36

Congratulations!!

planetclom · 16/01/2018 22:37

Forget the mortgage and who the Fuck opens cards on flowers for other people? RUDE! For that alone I would say your sister was unreasonable and your friend is barking it up to you if you want to tell everyone or not
and as someone who is late 40's and just started my mortgage, well done and enjoy, I hope to be in the same position for retirement. Better late than never.

MagicWillHappen · 16/01/2018 22:52

Making an effort of announcing it would just be weird IMO.

I wouldn't try to hide it if it came up in conversation though.

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