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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paid off mortgage

332 replies

iwant2know · 16/01/2018 13:39

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:

StormTreader · 16/01/2018 14:19

How utterly bizarre!
I can kind of see opening the card as a "oh, I didnt know they had some nice event happen, is it a new job or something, ill see what the card says!" but having to announce youve paid off the mortgage? Hahaha nope!

I wonder if the real reason for this is "if youd told me youd paid off the mortgage, I'd know to ask for more expensive presents or loans because I know you now have that money "spare" "

ArcheryAnnie · 16/01/2018 14:21

Why would you tell anyone? I don't throw a party for when my overdraft dips below a certain point, or when I've managed to pay my service charge on time.

People are weird. Your sister is weird. (And your sister shouldn't open envelopes that are not addressed to her.)

ratspeaker · 16/01/2018 14:22

We didn't " announce" paying off our mortgage
Neither have I ever announced paying off a car loan, catalogue company, credit card, paying my council tax, utility bills...

PinkHeart5914 · 16/01/2018 14:22

She opended the card for your flowers- Rude! They weren’t her flowers so why did she think that was ok.

Of course you don’t have to announce you’ve paid the mortgage off, like why would you?

diddl · 16/01/2018 14:22

Can you imagine if you'd told her-should would have thought that you were boasting/rubbing it in, wouldn't she?

But not telling is hiding stuff-which is actually none of her business (imo) .

Anyway, what use is the info to her-other than just knowing stuff about you for the sake of it?

Lindy2 · 16/01/2018 14:24

It's no one's business but yours. I'm amazed your sister andd friend think they should be told. They really shouldn't.
Your sister is jealous and I'm afraid she will probably now refer to you being so much better off than her on a very regular basis.

diddl · 16/01/2018 14:24

Might there be a market for mortgage paid off announcement showers?

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/01/2018 14:26

Well my plan when we pay off our mortgage in about 10 years time is to drop one day a week at work because our monthly mortgage payment is around 20% of my monthly salary so we'll be in a similar position regarding disposable income.

We currently have enough money spare so I would get more excited about extra free time instead of extra free money.

Oblomov18 · 16/01/2018 14:28

Never heard of them sending flowers. She shouldn't have opened the card. Mind you, it wasn't an official letter, only a small card with the flowers, right? So not as bad.

grasspigeons · 16/01/2018 14:30

bonkers

the only world this makes even the slightest sense is if you've had conversations about how hard it is paying the mortgage and putting yourself in the same boat, when you obviously aren't. things like her saying she'll never retire because of the mortgage and you saying 'no me neither'

Peanutbuttercheese · 16/01/2018 14:32

The real issue is that a person opened a card addressed to you, that's just rude.

I didn't announce our mortgage pay off, we were only in our thirties and over paid it without penalty. Main reason for me was I expected DH shit with money sister to come asking for a loan. Plus it does seem quite bragging. His sister is not poor by any stretch she just spends everything.

ratspeaker · 16/01/2018 14:32

Btw we never got anything from our mortgage provider when we paid it off, just a letter came nfirming they no longer had an interest in the property and advising us to get a solicitor to notify land registry etc

OP your sister was way out of order opening the card

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 16/01/2018 14:32

I would question the motives of anyone who is upset you didn't announce you now have more disposable income. Prepare for her to turn into a CF where money is concerned.

nobutreally · 16/01/2018 14:33

Agree with everyone else: I would have thought that the socially acceptable/'correct' thing to do is Never Mention It (cf anything to do with your personal financial situation). We paid ours off and hardly told anyone because:
a) each of us has at least one family member who would use it as proof that we are rolling in it/should morally be spending more money on them rather than ourselves...
b) we knew we were going to buy a larger house and just get another mortgage in a few year time.
c) It's no-one else's business!

In fact, I remember starting a thread on here, as it felt like a huge big deal but I couldn't really tell anyone, so it gave me a space to hop about joyously for a bit....

nobutreally · 16/01/2018 14:33

PS I also didn't get any flowers from the bank. Bastards.

GeekyWombat · 16/01/2018 14:33

At the point she opened your card she’s well and truly wrong and can’t be complaining about YOU not complying with social niceties.

What is WRONG with people?

Soixique · 16/01/2018 14:34

I would be mad at her for opening your mail - that's invading your privacy, even if it was junk mail!

She's plainly jealous if she can't be happy for you.

DH is really proud of us being in a position to effectively pay offset our entire mortgage (via overpayment, saving, relative frugality and having a modest mortgage in the first place). I've told my parents because I trust them not to tell all & sundry. We deliberately haven't told his family because it would cause envy plus the fact that we would be expected to pick up the tab ALL the time which would cause us resentment.

justforthisthread101 · 16/01/2018 14:34

We paid off our mortgage last year and I didn't tell anyone! DH told DSIS over the summer, kind of by accident, and she held her face during the conversation but did screech at me in a "WTAF how did you manage THAT!" manner later . It was done with love though.

A couple of my friends know as there was a conversation about interest rates recently and people were swapping stories. I was uncharacteristically quiet which lead one of them to ask me straight out - they were pleased for us I think.

We didn't get flowers (Barclays) but did get a very nice feeling when the title deed came back.

It wouldn't be everyone's dream home, but it is mine. I love it.

Your sister and your friend are weird.

Lymmmummy · 16/01/2018 14:35

Agree but off for her to open the nite with the flowers given it wasn’t addressed to her

Most people do not tell others even close family when they pay off a mortgage as it’s no ones business

whiskyowl · 16/01/2018 14:35

I think you're doing the right and sensitive thing in not mentioning it. It was unfortunate your sister was there, but you were trying to do the right thing.

I am really surprised mortgage lenders send out a bunch of flowers!!

PiffleandWiffle · 16/01/2018 14:36

I know someone who held a party to celebrate paying their off! I've also heard people at work telling people they've done it.

I'd be going apeshit at anyone that opened my mail though!!

Toast3 · 16/01/2018 14:37

We paid off ours last week. We haven’t told anybody.

Honeycombcrunch · 16/01/2018 14:37

Your sister was rude for opening your card.

Announcing your mortgage is paid off sounds very weird unless you are the type of person who tells everyone everything (no filter!).

None of my family or friends know that not only is our mortgage paid off but we also bought another property outright with our savings. People always assume that we are poor because we don't go abroad and wear scruffy clothes!

midsomermurderess · 16/01/2018 14:38

Well done, it is an amazing feeling, such a sense of freedom, when you pay of your mortgage. Look, you have no control over how other people behave!

suchatiredbunny · 16/01/2018 14:38

Congratulations OP I'm really looking forward to the day ours is gone, but it's a long way off!

She was wrong to open the card. It's your business, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to!

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