Paid off mortgage

[iwant2know]

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

Why would anyone care whether someone else has paid off their mortgage or not?

I've never had a mortgage and have no idea whether any of my friends have one or not. It simply isn't a topic of conversation in our social circle. How bizarre.

Firstly "she opened your card" - not on!
Secondly - which bank sends you flowers, what's the back story there?

If you announced it to everyone you could be accused of being smug or a show off. You cannot win when it comes to jealousy.

My friends have told me when they have paid off their mortgage but not in a boasting way. I probably will do the same

The last time we rearranged our mortgage 'fix', the lenders sent us a box of gifts. It was some nice coffee, some chocolate, a candle and a couple of other things I forget.

Best of all, they sent a sheet of stickers so that DS could turn the cardboard box into a castle.

I was like wtf! Why are the bank sending us goodies? But they did, I remember it very well. Three or so years ago.

Banks/lenders don't send flowers at the end of a mortgage term, just more offers for other products they have you may be interested in.

Where's OP?!

My mortgage has been paid down to a few thousand. I have told very few people. As I was only able to do so as a result of a sudden bereavement, it wouldn’t seem very appropriate to spunk the “news”
all over FB complete with fat cigar and champagne flute emojis anyway.

Your sister is a loon with no boundaries. I’d be meeting her in a coffee shop for the foreseeable.

Your sister was spectacularly rude for opening your card on the flowers. It could have said anything - just as well you and your husband aren't in the habit of sending each other cheeky messages on flowers!

It's no-one's business if you've paid off the mortgage or not. A few people know we don't have a mortgage, all of the family know because of circumstances (DH's first wife died very young and insurance paid off the mortgage), but it's not something that comes up in general chit-chat.

Stealth boast?
Well done op, you sis was well out of order opening your correspondence and demanding details.

How weird. I didn’t tell anyone when I paid my car loan off early, why on earth would you tell someone about something similar (albeit much larger!)?! How very strange! I’d bet you anything that had you told her you’d have been accused of “stealth boasting” or probably just outright boasting.

That’ll teach her for opening someone else’s card!!

Unless you owe your sister copious amounts of money, its a very odd reaction. I would consider it a bit smug and crass if people were 'announcing' their mortgage free status. Good for you. Not everything needs to be in the public domain.

And she was bang out or order opening the card in your flowers too.

It's good to know that I haven't committed a social faux pas .

Both Dsis and my DB have form for snooping, they both used to do it when someone was out of the room. I thought she had grown out of it.

I partly didn't tell her as I didn't want to rub it in her face as she has struggled to get her mortgage and has at least 20/30 years to pay off.

We banked with HBOS. I was very surprised about getting flowers from them. I thought they were from DH.

Sorry I was picking dss up from school. There's an Amber weather warning and the school shut early.

We have a mortgage with them and got a ‘congratulations on your new home’ gift pack when we moved in of hooks to hang things on the wall, teabags for our first in home cuppa, chocolate and a few other bits. It was actually a lovely little surprise. Got a couple of decades before I’m due any flowers though barring a lottery win.

Of course the fact they send these fripperies means we’ve probably all been paying over the odds all this time! ;)

No you don't need to tell people about your financial situation. Unless you are really tight and they think you have no money lol. Or they could just be jealous...

Couldn't get past the fact that your sister opened a card which came with flowers addressed to YOU!!!

But congratulations to your and your DH! You have every right to be proud of doing this and absolutely no reason to tell anyone else unless you want to.

I think the modern etiquette is to announce you are now better off by a fair whack each month to everyone so they can start bludging money off you and bitterly muttering every time you go on holiday. When you are in the pub you are now expected to stand them a few more rounds and no one need feel bad as you have all that extra cash floating about. In fact you owe it to them to make it fair. It's the least you can do. At christmas they will expect better presents and bitch about you being stingy with each other when you nip to the loo. There will be eye rolls and side glances and after a few too many proseccos some slight digs about being rich and lucky will be fired your way, which you cannot challenge as 'what do you expect, you have no mortgage'. Someone may cry it's not fair.

Sister is a nosey CF.

no-one else's business but yours. She only says you should tell people so everyone knows you will have a wad of cash going spare now every month that she can cadge off you.

Well done BTW.

She opened your card?! How rude!

Congrats!

YABVVVVU. Obvs you should have held an obligatory mortgage-paid-off party, paid for a front page news report with all major papers, announced it on Facebook and contacted ITV for a full 30 minute slot to be shown on the 6:30 news AND the 10 o clock news. God OP, could you be any more selfish and inconsiderate?!

I don’t think I know anyone sufficiently full of themselves as to think anyone would be interested in such an announcement... If anyone announced it to me I would say “er...ok” and then back away slowly!

DH and I didn't tell anyone when we paid ours off. It's really private, and not something I'd share tbh.

Not a thing to get upset about if you hear someone else has done it. Sorry for her if she is struggling but that is. different thing. Perfectly reasonable to keep it private.