Table Manners

[ciele]

AIBU to think such things are important?
I was brought up to consider such stuff as no elbows on the table, not eating with your mouth open, putting knife and fork together when you have finished as non negotiable.
My OH thinks these things are just the way my family was (read that as you will but I take it to mean shallow and overly concerned with the niceties).

I like nice table manners and don't think they are victorIan or outdated. The only one I don't mind is elbows on the table.
We all wash our hands before eating anyway - I think it's gross not too especially as I often put food on the table to help yourself.
DCs don't ask to leave the table but we generally all stay and chat until we have finished - one of the few times we all sit together.

We're quite strict about manners generally including table manners.

Why wouldn't you be? It costs nowt and it's part of being considerate to rest of the world.

If you really, truly stuck to arbitrary table manners rules, though, dinner would be a dry affair. And you'd be able to hear eating noises and polite tapping of cutlery

What do you all reckon to this...apparently I go ‘umm’ when something tastes delicious. My mother finds this annoying:)
I think I may have over stated OH talking with mouth full. It’s not exactly farm yard but occasional.
Reproducing was many moons ago and DCs both are graduates with good jobs so thankfully not genetic!

I have actually dumped people in the past for having horrible table manners. Not the sole reason but deffo a deciding factor.

To me elbows on the table while everyone is trying to eat, serve, pass things round etc is like men who sprawl out their legs into their neighbours' sitting space.

No, I do not agree about elbows on the table being bad. Everyone does it now it is a natural thing..It is/was a Victorian dictat.

It is not gender specific now either, and is also is quite normal and comfortable.

I try and encourage good table manners. I think it's important in helping then to be confident and able to conduct themselves appropriately in situations. My 15yr old wouldn't be uncomfortable in any restaurant and could be taken anywhere. I couldn't say the same for my niece who eats with her fingers whenever she can get away with it, and cannot hold a knife properly or cut up her food at 13. Xmas dinner across the table from her was not pleasant. Ds aged 5 is a work in progress. Its mainly the confidence thing for me though.

That's horrendous, MrsK, he has an equal responsibility to parent his children and look after them at mealtimes. My dad was like him, used to take food off our plates if we turned our heads or weren't looking. It's just selfish, greedy behaviour. It's not a 'pathological fear of being hungry' because he HAS food, he just isn't a good enough parent to ensure that his children are eating too.

To be honest, I have to remind my husband to eat with his mouth closed sometimes but if he behaved like yours does with our children, he wouldn't be eating with us because it's dreadful for your children to witness that. I feel really sorry for you because I remember your thread about your husband taking your food.

I'd let him make his own meals and eat them somewhere else at a separate time.

I'm with your mum on that, ciele, sorry. :)

I'm glad you so neatly side-stepped the obnoxious poster who commented on breeding. Vile. They probably pat themselves on the back regularly for their 'excellent manners' though.

Ughh the napkin dumped on the plate afterwards is gross.

When I worked waitress, I hated people who did this. (Luckily very few did) when you take the plates away you end up with soggy/dirty/food stuck on cloth to have to pick off the plate, meaning my hands got covered in gravy/sause/half eaten food.

Having the cutlery at 6 o'clock does mean with a glance, I could clear your table.

If there was a shared food in the middle that people were still snacking on you need the cutlery indicator to say everyone has finished even the shared bowl of chips left over in the middle.

We were not allowed to clear a table until everyone had finished.

It’s very sad when the children bring someone home who can’t even use a knife and fork properly. It’s cringeworthy when you’re at supper and someone doesn’t know the basic etiquette of table manners. It’s unpleasant sitting to eat with someone who has poor table habits. I think parents have a responsibility for ensuring children grow up knowing how to behave at both formal and informal meals.

Well I suppose there's elbows on the table were the elbows are out to the side. Forearms parallel to the table edge. This would take up space and be intruding.

Though there's also elbows being rested on the table with the forearms either not on the table or in front (90° (ish) to the table edge).

Table manners are as important as please and thank you when offered or asked something as far as I'm concerned. We were taught by my dad how to behave at the table at home or eating out. Both were the same, respect for the person that cooked the meal, served the meal and others eating around you. Our DC always ask to leave the table and thank us for their diner, "thank you for our lovely meal, please may we leave the table" often said so fast you can't make it out as they are getting off their seats but they know what to say. Take their plates and put them in the dish washer. They ate 6 and 3. They can never learn too early!

Basic manners are important. Even if you don't always stick to them at home when you're scoffing food on the sofa, you need to know them for when you find yourself in polite company or in public. Manners are about having respect for others. People DO judge and if a date or an employer thinks you lack decent manners there can be negative consequences.

My parents drilled me in table manners when I was three. I actually remember it. I’ve never been sorry they did, either. I can eat anywhere and with anyone without feeling nervous (although like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman I would have difficulty with snails!).

Table manners show consideration for others. I don't mean where to put the knives and forks, "napkin", not "serviette", which wine glass for which wine and not to drink out of the finger bowl , and not holding your knife like a pen, though I have taught my kids these things by example. I mean the not talking with the mouth full, the not starting till everyone has been served, the not picking the biggest steak or eating way more than your share of any dish. My mother's generation were taught never to ask for something, but to ask the person nearest whether they would like the butter, salt etc. Children never left the table without asking, and until everyone had finished. They were expected to treat the meal as the social occasion it is, and show respect to the person who prepared it. There is no harm in teaching children what has always been "acceptable" in terms of social etiquette.

Re elbows- my dad used to say "all joints on the table will be carved"

It has taken me years to drum table manners into DH. His family eat like pigs, digging into food before everyone has been served, chowing with open mouths, knife licking. Mine were Victorian about manners.

I do judge...

ciele about your unconscious habit of saying ‘mmmmmm’ after a mouthful of yummy food...I certainly wouldn’t mind at my table (in fact I’d see it as a lovely compliment) however...

My very proper granny (grew up in a household that gave international consulate dinners) HATES this sort of thing. She also hates anyone saying ‘bon apetite’ before tucking in for the same reason. She maintains that it is ‘common’ to make comment on the food because it suggests that good meals are rare or it is a surprise that it tastes good. She says only poor people make a fuss about food, it speaks of not having enough of it or often having very bland or even yukky food.

Of course she’d never comment at the table to anyone who broke this ‘rule’ (good manners, dontcha know), but her expression is priceless!

This thread is making me rage now. All I can picture is silent dinner tables with people chastising each other about pointless rules and making lemon faces. It's actually incredibly rude to be so hung up on manners that the food ceases to be important. I don't want to eat with people who think that a friend or family member tucking into their food straight away is a diplomatic incident this is why we never visit MIL

YANBU re basic table manners. People eating with open mouths is truly disgusting. As for proper table manners: People eating incorrectly is a bit distracting and is an issue if you have business lunches or state dinners or when on a date etc. But if you aren't expecting your children to have proper careers/to only eat with a certain class of people then I suppose that the more complex etiquette really doesn't matter.

Table manners are hugely important IMO. It is absolutely disgusting to sit at a table with someone who doesn't have any. Sometimes, I find seeing people eat with their mouths open so revolting that I lose my appetite entirely. My brother eats like a pig (which I blame on being sent to boarding school at a young age) and I avoid sitting near him or even looking at him whilst eating. If I was on a date with a guy who had bad table manners there probably wouldn't be a second date.

You will never be judged poorly for having good table manners.

DD has a couple of friends whose table manners are shocking. Neither can use a knife and fork properly, both will spear a piece of food and then chew it off the fork and both chew with their mouths open.

If they have food here I have to leave the room. It makes me feel ill to see them. DD is starting to feel the same and now positions herself at the table so she is not directly opposite either.

In the summer we had a BBQ and invited their parents (who are our friends) - first time we'd been around them for a meal. Bloody hell, it was obvious where the kids get it. Never again.

Of course it's important to have socially acceptable table manners. I would absolutely judge an adult who was spitting food out at me whilst talking or chewing loudly with his/her mouth wide open 😩