... to fucking explode at partner and daughter on their mobile phones ..

[Fontella]

ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Went out to the local pub this evening the three of us - rare in itself - and they are texting and looking - all the fucking time while we are sat in the pub.

Came back home and I'm cooking supper and preparing everything and the two of them are sat at the table completely engrossed in their phones while I run around like a blue arsed fly laying the table, trying to chat, preparing salad, pouring drinks for everyone, lighting candles, putting on the music - I might as well be a waitress.

I just flipped out - not sure where that came from - and they both looked at me like I was a mad woman and so I came upstairs and the two of them are sat down there eating the food I fucking cooked!

I don't want to share a room with people whose whole focus is a little battery operated handset. I want to talk, laugh, engage, have conversation, interact, enjoy the food, listen to the music .. but I might as well have been nobody tonight because that is how they both treated me.

• Have people missed that the DD is 22 and the DH is 60? These are adults. "Phones away, please." 

If my DH spoke to me like that I would laugh at him.*

Would you expect a lovely home-cooked meal to just appear anyway, with no effort or input from you, after you had just laughed? OP is being encouraged to find a fairer way, not to impose her or the other adult's way

It’s never a good idea to bottle things up OP. It sounds like you let too much go and resentment simmers without them even realising.
You need to speak up much earlier and also as you are three adults it should be “what are WE going to make for dinner?” And shall I chop and you fry? Not them being waited on.
Do you share food prep with your dh when your dd isn’t home? It sounds like he just expects good to magically appear.
If things are normally one way you can’t hust expect them to know you want things to change - speak up.

It's not just about the food prep, though, is it? It started when the two of them ignored op when they were in the pub. That's beyond rude. And two adults shouldn't need to be told that it's rude.

OP, find a battlefield trip or study holiday related to your interests and book yourself on it, and leave them to it.

OP you like cooking and you like a nice environment. Perfectly understandable. Also cooking is not always a joint effort. I hate people " helping" when you have to keep instructing them. Sometimes you just want the kitchen area to yourself.
However, ignoring, minimising effort and rudely scrolling are unacceptable.
I think it's fine and normal to have manners/rules for adults and children alike: like phones down, shoes off, no smoking etc
Totally with you OP; ( but you were mean to Lucy!)

But...

If you want to cook in peace then do it! Don’t expect others to give you their undivided attention whilst you’re concentrating on cooking and “creating an ambience”!

And yes, you were rude to Lucy.

Funny isn't it? The OP is all up on manners when it's her family being rude, but isn't so forthcoming with an apology when she's the one being rude...

We get that you are annoyed with how rude the OP was 2Birds.

It is definitely "phones away" here too. Anyone who doesn't like that doesn't have to either live with me or visit for meals.

At the heart of this while scenario is a sadness at not feeling connection with the people you love most and who should love most. And that is sad and painful and needs addressing at a broad level and thoughts put to how you can improve and deepen the connection. And you need reassuring that being connected with each other is something that you all agree has value and is important in your family.

I think too many families are living like this and feeling grief at the lack of meaningful connections. It's so sad.

OP - they're not going to delete this thread. If MN deleted every thread that posters regret putting up, they'd never do anything else. Threads only get deleted if they breech guidelines or really, really upset people. This is neither, sorry, so you'll just have to NC if you're fearful of being outed.

But, I'm with you. My DH is constantly glued to his phone. I've lost count of the number of times I've wanted to snatch it out of his hand, hurl it across the room and scream, 'LOOK AFTER YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN, FFS!' when DS1 has asked him the same question four times, but he's been too engrossed in Twitter to listen or respond. It's so rude and such a terrible example to set to small children. He also treats me like I'm BU when I suggest phone restrictions, such as at the table. It's baffling.

OP here endeth the lesson, if you want a thread to disappear, you post it in 30 days only.

Yea it’s addictive. I’ve taken Facebook and other social media off my phones so I can no longer just click and look. That’s made a bit of a difference

Totally sympathise with OP, l lost my shit on Christmas day when everyone was on their phones amd totally ignoring my 73 year old mum who hasn't got a smart phone while l was in the kitchen prelaring lunch. Told them if they didn't want to interact with everyone else to bugger off and look at their phones at home but it's not happening under my watch!

Rude, Rude, Rude. I would be telling them they obviously find their phones much more interesting than speaking/conversing with you or even helping out. Would definitely sit there doing something else, take up knitting even! When there is a comment like "are we having something to eat" just tell them you are too involved in what you are doing to bother and you thought they weren't bothered either. with that stuff. Keep a stash of snacks somewhere to feed yourself with. Hopefully will only take a couple of days for them to get the message.

We always have music, often have candles, never have phones at the table. 3DSs aged 14, 10 and 6.

Candles and music doesn't make a meal formal, just lovely and cosy.

Are you sure it’s just football forums he is looking at? Just putting it out there 🤔

Did you drive to the pub, OP?

I sympathise with you! Seems like everyone is glued to their phones, every available chance they get! Wondering what would happen if anything remotely resembling real life, or social interaction rudely interrupted this increasingly prevalent custom m. Bah!

Hahaha, my partner is same and he is 43 ! I work weekends, come home tired with a bag of groceries and he doesn't even get up from the sofa to sort out groceries, once I left the bag there for a whole hour and he told me that I didn't told him to help! The bag was in the middle of the living room. Now I get home, leave the bag in , take a shower, sort the kids out and start dinner, if he is not aware that I need help, he is not aware that dinner is ready , so I feed the kids, tied up and sort the groceries, send the Kids to shower and bed, then he has to get up and go get a kebab at shops because he is hungry. I stop feed him when he can't be bother to pay attention around that I need help.

ginger1976 Bloody good for you!

Fucking hell. Reminds me never to post in AIBU!

What on earth has her driving to the pub got to do with anything?

People do love to derail threads and seize on the little things. Are you going to twist it that she's an alcoholic driver now?

I'd be pissed off too OP. But I would now be very tired of running around after two adults - they both need to get off their arses and help you.

Re the phones - agree next time they compromise and leave them at home?

I truly hate mobiles - my DH is permanently glued to his - at home, when we are out, on holiday, etc., etc. Just wait until one day the whole thing will come crashing down and break - no mobiles, no Internet! Bliss!

For Christ's sake what is WRONG with people? Take their phones off them and keep them until they learn some manners. They will hit the roof, and you will need a lot more guts than you have displayed so far in order to weather this. But the bottom line is that you have volunteered for your family's appalling manners and have only yourself to thank.