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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say Nursery is beneficial before 3

167 replies

Shouldnotwouldnot · 12/01/2018 22:30

I know there are loads who argue that Nursery for those under 3 is negative and it’s always better to be with parents. However, anecdotally from friends I’ve noticed that children that have been to Nursery from a young age seem much more confident and, often easy-going than those who’ve been at home all the time. SAHM mums seem to say how hard their children find being away from them and socialising with other children whilst those who’ve been attending Nursery seem to throw themselves into these things far more easily.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Bodicea · 13/01/2018 16:43

I think it’s definately been beneficial for my two who have both been going three days a week from 9 months. They get loads of social interaction with their peers, a good hot meal every lunch and do loads of stuff I know I would never do with them - sand and water play, crafts, a preschool teacher doing Mark making and all that other buzzword type stuff. My 4 year old sang a solo in their Christmas show and he was so proud of himself. If he had been at home all the time he would never have had experiences like that.
If you are a very proactive Sahp then I suppose they could get a lot of similar stuff out of toddler groups etc. But they always know you are there with them so I don’t know if it’s quite the same. And I would never do as many crafts etc as they do at nursery.
Having said that I also think they need down time. I always notice on a Friday when I am off they seem to be tired and happy to doss around the house. So probably part time is the best balance for most kids.

mikado1 · 13/01/2018 17:07

What is Mark making?

How fantastic your 4yo could sing a solo- no wonder he was proud :)

I wouldn't give much priority to identical preprepared crafts tho-often seen on nursery walls-can't see any benefit there. Glueing pics of choice in order layout of choice, yes.

Absofrigginlootly · 13/01/2018 17:26

Mark making is basically drawing/colouring/painting ie making marks on paper.

I agree with you re: crafts.

Adult led crafts are of minimal benefit to children. Far more be official to give them an array of materials and allow them to spontaneously create whatever they want to

Evelynismyformerspyname · 13/01/2018 17:27

"mark making" just means making marks - usually scribbing (drawing) or painting.

Evelynismyformerspyname · 13/01/2018 17:30

"mark making" just means making marks - usually scribbing (drawing) or painting.

mikado1 · 13/01/2018 17:39

Ok. Totally agree re spontanaeity and choice. By sounds of it many nurseries must make parents feel th eye not measuring up because of all they're doing but I think it's important to acknowledge a 'good enough mother' (or father) is good enough and that many I these activities are not necessary or beneficial and the busyness can be negative. It's a pity to hear parebts say 'I couldn't do what nursery does' because what the parent does/is is so much more imo. A sms pot if paint/glue, a broadsheet newspaper and a brush is perfectly easy to manage and lots of fun for a toddler.

PenelopeStoppit · 13/01/2018 17:40

Article from last year which contains comments from both sides: goo.gl/mchANJ

mikado1 · 13/01/2018 17:41

Should add, I'm sure lots of the activities are great fun too, don't mean to be negative, hust saying we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if we're not making our own play dough etc! Love and warmth is essential, after that everything's an extra, imo.

Absofrigginlootly · 13/01/2018 17:43

penelope that's the article I linked to above to be "pro" nursery... I think it's interesting the research discussed does not mention emotional development outcomes

waterfall0119 · 13/01/2018 17:47

Definitely depends on the child - mine would hate nursery because he is still very clingy to me and doesn’t like to be left with anyone without me being in the same room.
DS is extremely sociable and intelligent though and we go to a different toddler group every weekday morning, he knows I’m there so will happily go off and play. so I’m not worried that me staying at home has affected him developmentally.

hazeyjane · 13/01/2018 17:47

Depends on the child
Depends on the setting
Depends on the family
Depends on.....lots of stuff really!

PenelopeStoppit · 13/01/2018 18:01

Sorry abso- I only scanned the thread. Difficulty with studies like this is they also can't look at long term outcomes as there are too many variables as people mature, so whilst children at nursery may initially gain skills faster than those who are not what is the long term impact on both sets like? It seems impossible to measure.

Absofrigginlootly · 13/01/2018 18:26

No problem Smile

Yes it also depends what set of "skills" one is discussing.

There is mounting evidence that pushing early literacy and numeracy skills (for example) into preschool settings is actually detrimental to both long term academic and emotional wellbeing outcomes. However, this is the direction the UK government is taking early years settings Sad

www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/letters/10302844/The-Government-should-stop-intervening-in-early-education.html

www.google.com/amp/s/www.newscientist.com/article/mg22029435-000-too-much-too-young-should-schooling-start-at-age-7/amp/

mikado1 · 13/01/2018 18:48

Exactly to both of above,,those skills are being taught early but a child at home will likely acquire them anyway if later and meanwhile will get other benefits - in my view, for u/3s, more important ones. For others these skills are very important. Certainly my 2.5yo language skills haven't suffered from being stuck home with me.

Absofrigginlootly · 13/01/2018 19:31

Yes my 3 year old DD talks constantly and has done since she was about 20 months (before that she used baby signing)

my poor head Confused Grin

Evelynismyformerspyname · 13/01/2018 20:24

Language skills are usually better in children cared for 1:1 by an adult who talks to them and engages with them. Thats why first horns usually talk earlier, all things being equal.

Going to nursery doesn't lead to better language skills, some people just insist on believing that the normal, typical, ordinary, average language explosion which naturally happens roughly between 24 and 36 months (give or take - sometimes starting closer to 18 months especially in girls) in typically developing children is "proof" that nursery is beneficial. It's like nursery claiming credit for the age a child walks at. Unless you keep the child strapped down they will walk at the same time whatever you do (unless they have non typical development and need physio or aids or medical intervention).

My dc1 was talking in sentences in two languages by age 2 and she didn't go to any child care. I was a childminder though and had deliberately built up a support network of friends through antenatal classes and baby groups because we had no family support. She was incredibly sociable as a baby and toddler.

Her brothers talked a little later, but still at typical, average ages because of being boys and because they got less 1:1, with chatty DD doing so much of the talking.

So many people give nursery credit for absolutely typical development which happens whether they are with a parent or at nursery, as long as they are talked to and given chances to socialise and play and go out and about and aren't actually neglected.

The only evidence of nurseries benefitting under 3s are in cases where the child is from a very deprived background, where being properly fed, kept clean, warm and dry, and talked to aren't happening due to parents lack of resources (whether financial, educational, time, health or whatever).

Evelynismyformerspyname · 13/01/2018 20:25

*first borns!

Good nursery care does no harm to under 3s imo, but it's only beneficial where the child comes from a background of severe deprivation.

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