To say Nursery is beneficial before 3

[Shouldnotwouldnot]

I know there are loads who argue that Nursery for those under 3 is negative and it’s always better to be with parents. However, anecdotally from friends I’ve noticed that children that have been to Nursery from a young age seem much more confident and, often easy-going than those who’ve been at home all the time. SAHM mums seem to say how hard their children find being away from them and socialising with other children whilst those who’ve been attending Nursery seem to throw themselves into these things far more easily.

Thoughts?

Kids are individual little people. What benefits one, will not necessarily benefit another.

So YABU to make such a sweeping statement.

Also some kids with older siblings and larger extended families, socialise all the time from a very early age.

A early nursery user here ds was 2.5 (would have been better to have stayed at CM until 3 in retrospect) dd was 5mo (absolutely loved it from day 1, very sociable child). So on the massive sam

Sorry massive sample of 2 I would say it works better for sociable outgoing dcs.

I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference to the child. Some parents are happier working, some are happy being home with their children and some have no choice in the matter. By the time the children reach the second or third year of school you won't be able to tell them apart.
As women we just need to accept we are raising our children in the way that works best for our family and what anyone else does shouldn't matter in the slightest.

I don't think it matters. My siblings and I all started nursery at similar ages, very very young, we were all different growing up with some of us being more confident and outgoing and some of us being quieter and preferring own company.

It really depends on the child. For one, starting early might be great for them, for others, not so much.

I found it beneficial for both my ds's.

Ds1 attended private nursery, was reading before starting reception, finished the reading scheme at 6, and finished the whole Harry Potter series by 7. He was not as 'out doorsey' as ds2.

Ds 2 attendee state nursery, and was not as forward academically. But loved being outside, So more practical than academic. He still has friends now who he plays football with from then.

However nursery isn't about that. It's about learning through play, building confidence and social interaction. Both boys attended a school not related to their nurseries, so started school not knowing anyone. However they were both confident children and made friends straight away. I say this is largely to do with attending nursery before hand.

IMO nursery is very beneficial, if a friend decided not to send their dc, as much I respected their decision I would also lay out the pros to it.

But each to their own.

I have three children and I also work in a nursery. I think it completely depends on the child, my eldest DS now 8 attended from age 3, he is really well rounded socially, confident and has a big group of friends/one of the popular kids.

My middle son however started at age 2, he is very emotionally and socially immature and still doesn't get social cues/ struggled with groups (He is now 6)

Both boys loved nursery, were always happy to go in etc.

My 3rd child DD now 3 started nursery age 2 and just didn't settle, she would cry all the time. I took her out and then sent her back once she turned 3. Although she was still upset at times she quickly got over it this time round and is now really happy there. She has a good group of friends however with strangers is not outgoing and is very quiet/ won't speak. With her friends at school she is one of the 'leaders' of the group and is quite outspoken! Quite funny to watch (I also work there)

@Shouldnotwouldnot

Anything could happen to them, it might be unlikely but it is very much possible. Since we have the means to do so, me and my DP have kept them with us under 3 to protect them.

I don't think it was beneficial for my son. It was ok for him but I don't think he gained anything from it that he wouldn't have got with me.

Well, I went back to work 2 days when dd1 was 6 m.o. (that's all the mat leave we got then). As a vet, being used to the idea that puppies MUST be socialised between certain ages, I thought nursery might be a good thing (and a necessary thing for me!)

Dd1 is and has always been very independent and confident. That may be the way she would always have been. Really don't know! Dd2 went to nursery at 9 months (better maternity leave!) As did ds. I like to think it was beneficial for them. But then I would, wouldn't I?!

Mine were/are now as grown ups confident and sociable and have been from very young.
It has nothing to do with nursery or not, it's how they are socialised, the opportunities given to experience and learn essential skills.
It matters not one jot where they learn these.
Nurseries like school are the default for most parents, but others manage fine without a nursery or schools.
If kids are in the right environment, supported and loved , they will thrive.

I do agree that in some cases it doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

For the very confident child who is happy to speak to everyone

For the child happy to leave his known carers (mum, dad, grandparents, whoever he's used to) for a period of time

For a child who doesn't need additional help with speech, or personal, social, emotional development, or socialisation, or physical development in areas where they don't have places to run around and play regularly.

It's not for everyone, and that's fine. The children I've worked with - all have massively benefited. But it's the parents' decision. If they feel their child is fine, that's great - many children don't go to nursery and are fine. For a great deal of children, though, it can do excellent things. Even if your child is social, happy, active, friendly, able to play with others, able to separate from the main carers - nursery can still provide valuable experience that will benefit them forever.

If you feel your child is too young, then don't send them. No one can or will judge. If you want to send them - I have seen 2-year-olds flourish at nursery. Develop their personality, their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy. And it helps with separation anxiety later in life. :)

duckdarlington each to their own, feels a bit of an odd approach/ belief to me!

Yabvu and talking utter tripe.

And it helps with separation anxiety later in life

From someone who suffers with separation anxiety, I really could have benefited from a nursery. I was well socialised and lots of children to play with, they just didn't exist, just school at 5.

So I can totally see this as a non nursery user myself.

My DC have never had problems separating from me yet have never been to nursery. On the other hand, the majority of clingy kids I know went to nursery full time so it doesn't ring true for me.

There is a long article about this called The Great Nursery Debate in the Guardian Family 2010 by Amelia Gentlemen, which gives all the varying evidence.
I think you can socialise children without nursery, but obviously it takes effort of some sort, toddler groups, other mums/dads with small children, siblings. Being at home with mum/dad all day and no interaction with anyone or anything outside is not going to be preferable to nursery, but there is no reason why you cannot have the structured play, and the stimulation of a nursery setting at home if you choose to do interesting activities with your small child, and meet other people doing interesting activities: I am talking ducks, parks, playgrounds, friends, shopping, craft, singing, dancing, books, cooking, housework. All can be very interesting for small child and you don't need to do it in a nursery!

I have often thought of all the things my ds would get to do in a nursery rathe than hanging around me while I run errands, Hoover etc (as well as doing things with him!) but that early attachment up to age 3, the reason for the 'no nursery u Der 3 is best' idea, is not about producing the most sociable, confident preschooler, but is a blueprint of relationships for life, it's not about what you or others observe at the time. And in fact some psychologists point out, see Dr Deborah McNamara on fb, that shyness for example, is a very worthy and undervalued, often maligned trait, which is simply a child waiting until they are comfortable before commiting to talking to /hugging etc a person they don't know or trust yet- a really interesting way to look at it. My first went to childcare my second won't go until 3, and due to circumstance, has never been left in anyone's care other than mine or my husband's and yet a month ago when I had a migraine he happily ran into a known neighbour's hoise for a few hours and was none to happy at collection time.

So early dependency is v normal, obviously people have to/want to work and good quality childcare I great, but there's a reason behind the u/3 view and it's deeper than you've alluded to.

Hope that makes some sense, head fried!

I don't think it helped him in terms of being socialised. He struggled with being around the other children and with the sensory aspects of it. I wouldn't have sent him for more than a couple of sessions a week.

As other have said - people are usually just trying to reassure themselves that they did the right thing, no matter whether their choices were choices or necessity.

I've got aquaintances who try to give nursery credit for things which happen as part of normal, typical child development, like the normal language explosion or move from parallel to cooperative play... aquaintances who claim all the ordinary things which happen to every typically developing child are down to nursery. Also people whose 5/6/7 year olds are I'll frequently who still claim that nursery gave them a robust immune system.

In fact a good nursery has the same outcomes for under 3s as primary care givers who don't use child care. Last time I looked extended family childcare had the worst outcomes.

Meh, I'm happy with my choices.

But I don't think being happy to go off with strangers is necessarily a good thing. My best mate's little boy was in nursery from a couple of months old. He was perfectly happy to let people he hadn't met before take him off and play with him, take him to the loo etc.

I think that for kids to display a certain amount of reticence about strangers is a far more natural and healthy thing. It's like nursery can make some kids almost detached in their behaviour towards others.

ODFOD

Exactly tinklylittlelaugh

Nope, all kids are different

DC1 went to nursery but not before 3 - turned out pretty quiet
DC2 went to nursery before 1 - turned out pretty quiet
DC3 didn't go to nursery at all - turned out super sociable (way more than either DH or I!)

My daughter started nursery at 8 months as i went back to college and developed leaps and bounds faster whilst there!