To say Nursery is beneficial before 3

[Shouldnotwouldnot]

I know there are loads who argue that Nursery for those under 3 is negative and it’s always better to be with parents. However, anecdotally from friends I’ve noticed that children that have been to Nursery from a young age seem much more confident and, often easy-going than those who’ve been at home all the time. SAHM mums seem to say how hard their children find being away from them and socialising with other children whilst those who’ve been attending Nursery seem to throw themselves into these things far more easily.

Thoughts?

I think as long as the child isn't kept indoors, with just mum or dad all day, every day I honestly think it makes no difference! Out of my friendship group there is no noticeable difference between the child that goes to Nursery 5 days a week and the child who doesn't go at all. As pp have said, I think every child is different.

Absofrigginlootly your assertions are not really correct.

But multiple attachments are not the basis for a secure attachments style. It just isn't.

The most important part of attachment theory is that the child must form a bond with AT LEAST one primary caregiver. This can by Dyadic or multiple. However, either way, even if a child is in Nursery the mother or father is almost always the primary caregiver. I’m not suggesting shipping children off to Nursery at a few weeks old, in the U.K. it’s much more usual for this to be at around a year old.

I don’t really understand your other point. You’ve said I said something and quoted it but in the quote I don’t say it!

Both mine were in full time nursery from 11 months when I went back to work after mat leave both times. And they stayed at same nursery until school. Both loved it, had strong relationships with the staff and made lots of friends. They are now 14 and 11 and both happy and doing well at school. I have a very close relationship with both as well. I went back to work full time initially but switched to part time school hours only when DS1 started school (much easier to do when already in a job!) and have only just gone back full time in sept last year when DS2 started high school. It worked for us but I am sure it depends on you, your children, type of childcare available, financial considerations etc. I think in some ways it’s easier to do full time nursery from a young age as they don’t know any different. No right or wrong

I don't want to start getting super pedantic about what exactly he said she said as these threads always go on MN.. it's tedious.

But since you've asked directly... you said

Children that go to Nursery wouldn’t (usually) be happy to just be chucked into a room of strangers and get on with it. And no-one is suggesting they should as your post suggests.

And then

whilst those who’ve been attending Nursery seem to throw themselves into these things far more easily.

So you ate saying that in your opinion children who attend nursery are more comfortable in the company of other people (strangers at first) and more sociable/outgoing than children who stay at home.

That is the whole point of your thread is it not???

Re: attachment theory, it's not my assertion, it's what the research suggests.

OF COURSE most children who attend nursery have secure attachements to their parents - I'm not saying they don't. The two are not mutually exclusive. But that's the whole point. There are so many variables you can't just say that nursery before 3 is benificial as is the whole point of your thread.

For DC with loving involved engaged parents who are placed in a quality hildcare setting with a key worker (for the gold to attach to), child led unstructured free play and lots of outdoor access the potential negative effects will likely be minimal.

For children from disadvantaged backgrounds with chaotic, abusive, home lives where they have been unable to form a secure attachement then good quality childcare can be benificial.

That does not mean that it is benifical above being in a loving, responsive home environment full time, as is the assertion in your OP.

Please read the links I posted above - the leading researchers in this field explain it better than I can

Excuse typos, hopefully you get the gist

In most nurseries though the care isn't as responsive as it is with 1-1 care purely due to ratios. If one baby is distressed and another is having a nappy change then the other children's needs have to wait. That isn't ideal for attatchment. A young child doesn't know there's a valid reason why it's carer isn't responding to them quickly - just that they're not. Most nurseries provide care that is good enough but to say it is beneficial for children under 3 isn't accurate.
Of course there are some children who genuinely are better off in nurseries if their home life is unstable for whatever reason.

Another voice saying it depends on the child. If you have a child who thrives on social interaction and gets bored easily then the stimulation of nursery will be beneficial.

It's got positives and negatives just the same as keeping dc at home does.

I'm an early years professional and a parent so I can see it from both sides.

I choose to send my dc to a childminder rather than a nursery as babies but they both went to nursery at around 2 and benefited massively.

absofrigginlootly I was trying to be polite because you seem to have the facts wrong about attachment theory and the research doesn’t support what you’re saying and never has. I don’t need to refresh via your links as I have a degree in a field which covered this off quite extensively!

With regards to the strangers comments I think we’re discussing at cross purposes. The room full of strangers comment was in response to a post where someone said Nursery was dangerous because it encourages children to go to the toilet with any old stranger. It doesn’t.

absofrigginlootely your link to ‘research’ showing nurseries damage attachement is from a page on the university of Notre Dame website. I’ve never heard of this establishment so googled it and it’s....

“The University of Notre Dame is a private research university inspired by its Catholic character to be a powerful force for good in the world”

Hardly going to be an objective viewpoint and certainly not an expert piece of analysis. Plus anything that extensively quotes from a book called ‘motherhood denied’ can pretty much do one.

I also have a degree and a master in psychology. I also have a postgraduate degree in nursing and used to work in HV where I regularly saw children with attachment disorders.

I understand the theory just fine thanks.

The whole point of your OP was that children who attend nursery are more outgoing and sociable than DC who stay at home. That nursery before 3 is benificial.

The research suggests it's not that simple and may actually be detrimental before 3. Although the strength of that effect varies depending on many different circumstances.

You posed a question. I disagree with it

i never said the third link was the defining expert opinion - I used it as an example of how you can research to support whatever viewpoint you have

*find research

The second link is not a link to attachment theory. It is a guardian article summarizing the research on the effects of nursery on hold development.

YY Evelyn 're unstructured, uninterrupted, child-led play. So so beneficial.

*child not hold

Ffs stupid phone

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

This is the link i said would be worth a read. It highlights the current research and the complex nature of the debate well

I think a bond with parent is the most important thing under the age of 3. Nursery attendance should be seen as a bonus. So many parents laugh at me for allowing my child to paint or use playdough or get muddy and they truthfully say to me ‘that’s what nursery is for’. Sahp who stay at home or wander around supermarkets with their children instead of doing activities is not better than nursery. Playing with twigs leaves and bark in a builders tray is second to exploring woodland BUT better than spending toddlerhood in the shopping mall.

Agree completely martellandginger, assuming they are also getting warm, responsive care in nursery.

Did anyone see/read Room? She provided wonderfully for her child, despite circumstances!

Going round the supermarket is a hugely educational thing for a preschooler Martell! So much to talk about - different kinds of food, meal plans, healthy eating, prices, labels...

Re the OP I think a lot of people see their 2 yr old develop massively and attribute it to nursery - where in reality they'd still develop massively without as long as parent got out and about and interacted with them. And out and about real life not just out and about approved children's educational activities.

One of mine was at nursery from before 2 and didn't honestly benefit. Was not sociable or confident. Was really at the playing alongside stage until well into Reception. Other one due to logistics wasn't at preschool till 3+ but would have loved it sooner as she was genuinely sociable and playing with not alongside at 2.

My son loves going to the "Big green shop" (ASDA)! He'd probably prefer to go there than pre-school if I asked him

I've had two not start nursery till the term after turning 3. One is very shy , the other very outgoing, both boys.
So I don't think it's necessarily got a lot to do with it. Although I think a good nursery can be brilliant for a child.

I think martell means spending all day I the mall while mum shops for clothes say, often strap into a buggy, rather than helping in the super market!

Should you misinterpreted my post. I wasn't saying that the nursery staff would be strangers to a child. I was specifically thinking about my friend's son. We met for lunch in a cafe when our kids were about 2.5/3 and she asked me if I would take her little one to the loo while I took mine.(I hadn't seen her boy since he was a baby, he had no idea who I was).

I was very much struck by how he he toddled off with me, a complete stranger, without a murmur, let me wipe his bottom etc and was quite passive and detatched while I did all this. I don't think any of my kids would have been comfortable in that situation.

Depends on family situation, mother and most importantly the temperament of the child.
Loads of research out there and most of it conflicting.
The research can be summarised as - You do what is best for your child and you and if you select childcare, make sure it is high quality (low ratios and low turnover of staff, experienced staff who care!)