to ask MN if we should have a 3rd dc?!!.............................................can we have an honest conversation about moving from 2 dc to 3?

[mammyoftwo]

They say you know when you're ready. They say you know when the time is right. They say your body will tell me. BUT I don't know if I/we're ready. I/we don't know if the time is right. The only thing my body is telling me is TICK TOCK!!!!

So here's the deal......
Dh and I have 2 dc (two year age gap) of the same sex and gender. That is not in any way an "issue" or consideration; if we did have a third dc it would be to have another dc, rather than have a child of the opposite sex.

Originally when we got together, we always dreamed/planned of 3-4 children, leaning towards 4. However, owing to medical issues (I'll not bore you with the details, as it's a done deal and won't change) if we decide to "go again" we really only can have one more pregnancy and child (assuming it's not twins).

I've always been adamant I wanted a "bigger" (subjective, I know) family. However, it's only recently I've begun to waver. Suddenly two feels "easier" or more manageable. Looking to the future, it would mean

• not changing cars
• not moving house (if we had a third, two children would have to share a room, or we'd need to move for them to have a room each. There is a "play room", but I'd be reluctant to give this up to a bedroom, as it would leave us no social spaces outside of the living room and the kitchen).
• holidays would be easier to book (e.g. smaller, cheaper apartment/room etc)
• so many packages, tickets for things are for a "family of four"
• my sanity. I feel like I've barely scraped through 2017 intact (dc are 3 and 1, and VERY ACTIVE!!!!!)

Owing to my age, if we were to try for another child, it really need to start now. I don't have time to mess about, as I would be a "geriatric mother". I feel under pressure to decide, don't want to rush it, but don't feel I've time to wait any longer.

So my questions to you, the MN collective are:

1. What do I do???? Head (stick at two) or heart (go for a third)
2. Are my reasons for possibly sticking at two logical/materialistic/realistic/not important??? What would you base the decision on?
3. What have your experiences of moving from two to three been? Do you regret it? Was it harder/easier than you expected? What were the practical implications?

Hoping for some pearls of wisdom! Thanks in advance MN :)

I have two. A friend of mine has two of a similar age....and a third child who's a couple of years younger. Her older two can only do a fraction of the things my children are able to do, simply because of the logistical challenge of having three. The things the oldest wants to do may be just about feasible for a sibling two or three years younger.....but not for one five or six years younger. So the logistics of childcare and pleasing everyone means that the oldest one just doesn't get to do it and they all have to do something together. It's pretty tough on the first child, I think, as the locus of the family swings away from them.

I have 3 very close in age. I personally find it hard. I had twins so it wasn't a choice. I love them very much but life is a challenge. Juggling play dates, after school activities, homework and individual time with them. Cost is also an issue with activities and holidays. But they get on well even though they bicker constantly and seeing them play together outside in the summer is truly magical. But would I voluntarily go from 2 to 3 ? Honestly. No I wouldn't.

Thank you for the fullness of your posts and honesty ladies, it is helping me consider the bigger picture.

I had 2 same sex (boys) we decided to go for a third- boy as well! The difference is quite a bit as my other 2 are at school. Found it v hard to bf and fi school run on the lack of sleep and not interrupt baby feeding. But honestly it's the best thing we did- we might even go for number 4!!

As 1 of 3 we always happily did the same activities e.g swimming, gymnastics & dance lessons. Perhaps it helped we were all the same sex & we were very friendly with other children on our street so one would play with one neighbour, etc. so my mum did not have any issues with play date. Tbh most of my friends had 3 or 4 siblings anyway.

I would have loved a third, My biological clock will be ticking soon, I was really depressed and stressed out when DC2 was born and felt I missed out on the baby months.

But I've made peace with my decision not to. At times I'm stretched sharing attention with the two, We can't afford 3DC, Biggest reason DC2 off to school soon, My desire to be have some me again is deeper. [Grin]