Better looking children are easier to forgive/care for etc

[SandyBabyToes]

More of a "Is she being unreasonable" than an unreasonable one.

A close friend of mine insists a child that isn't particularly nice is easier to look after if they have a saving grace of being good looking. If a child of equal naughtiness isn't good looking, she insists it's harder to look after them in terms of if being emotionally draining to a point of no return.

Of course, she says, if a somewhat ugly child is a little darling then that's fine and they're lovely in their own sort of way, their behaviour even makes you believe somewhat that they have their own unique look.

She has been a Nanny in her time but is also a mother and said she felt the same way about her 3 children. She admits they aren't as equally as beautiful as the other but prefers to concentrate on their good parts and says her "least pleasing to the eye" DS has the most academic potential but also observed that teachers seem to like her other sons more.

I have to admit that I do understand where she's coming from. I have a 12 year age gap between me and my sisters. Both were equally as naughty and badly behaved but I preferred to look after one over the other because one was very pretty and I found it easier to forgive her (no harsh judgment please, I was only 15 at the time)

Can't comment as an adult because my own DC is stunning and of course I'm completely biased

What do you think?

Disclaimer: DFriend is very unusual in a sense that she doesn't hold fire when she thinks something and knows it won't cause offence to you personally.

I have to agree with op my dd is very pretty she’s blonde hair, blue eyes and gorgeous smile. If I put a picture up of her on fb she gets lots of likes where as if I put a picture of DS1 up who’s older and wears glasses people don’t tend to like or comment. The same with strangers who will speak to DD but ignore DS1. DS2 has red hair so I suppose that’s more subjective however I find people comment on what lovely gorgeous hair and blue eyes he has rather than negative although one child was negative about his hair colour maybe he’s colour of his hair is quite striking. I suppose it’s natural to judge on appearance because it’s the first thing we see when we look at someone.

Lorelai

Your post, if not in some way ironic, is really sad.

I was terribly bullied as a teenager, took until my mid 20’s to realise I am not a physically ugly person. The bullying was never about me being ugly, it was about me being much, much more clever, sharper witted than my peers, but ugly is an easy taunt and one that will never fail to miss its mark. The really sad thing is that the bullying damaged my personality, I am guarded to a fault. I was always a happy, open child though naturally inclined towards being serious. The bullying robbed me of my happiness and any real ability to see myself objectively.

It’s why I delight so much in my daughters seemingly natural sunny nature, of course I think she is cute but it’s her personality, I love the innocent happiness and hope that is never taken away from her.

I’ve noticed with people who were never bullied, they have a confidence that you just cannot fake.

But I don’t resent the people who bullied me. They at the time, were just children, just as I was. I assume that they are different very people now, nearing 30, than they were at 15.

Very interesting post as I have Boy/Girl twins who are both really good looking like myself, not boasting as have other issues to deal with😒.
They were both favourites at the private nursery they attended as toddlers but when they started school it was less of an issue as favoured children were those that attended school nursery and were blonde blue eyed whereas my two beautiful but Afro carribean which is less desirable as they get older🤷🏾‍♀️

It's true, even to the extent that if a child has gone missing, if they're more attractive the media will report on it more.

mirime that really brings it home. Your survival can quite literally depend on how good-looking you are.
Shouldn’t be the case, but...

Considering they've done studies that indicated babies prefer to look at more attractive people, kinda makes one think we're all predisposed to that preference from the start. So I can see how your friend came to her conclusion.

I can really only draw from my experience of having a very pretty cat for 13 years who could be incredibly poorly behaved at times, that I found that true with her. My family and I use to joke that were she not so pretty she would have been given away long ago.

I believe that it's true, although my DS is only 5mo I'm constantly being stopped and told how gorgeous he is, I'm black and my DP is mixed so our son is 3/4 black 1/4 white but has inherited his dads fair complexion so people instantly think he's mixed race, he's definitely stereotypically attractive. I don't want him to grow up to rely on his looks however but I do think more attractive people have an easier time though life my DP is a good example of this in practice as he's mixed race, fair, curly brown hair and blue eyes I find his rarer attractive features means he's always getting a easier time of things compared to other people (including myself).

I also think parents are dazzled by their own off spring as demonstrated on this thread . Remember an actress now in her 60s relating how she was terrified when a young mum in case someone stole her baby as he was so much lovelier than any other baby. She recently found a photo and realised how ordinary looking he was!

I'm a little concerned by the posts in this thread to be honest...

I've worked with under-5s for 10 years now and I honestly can say I have never treated a child different due to their appearance. I may have thought of them as being unattractive, I won't deny that, but they are children! They have the same needs. Whatever they look like, whatever their race, whatever their religion - I treat them exactly the same.

But Kerala, the dazzling effect just goes to show that parents have to be deluded to a certain extent so that they prioritise their kids above all others. You have to believe your kids are the best looking ones out there or you might just leave them out for the wolverines and nick your neighbour’s kids!

As in, this shows just how much looks do matter.

Justine

Absolutely new!

It's very sweet. Hence the phase "a face only a mother could love"

Power of beauty so strong. The mother of a girl in dds class posted her dds pics on fb cannot help thinking aww what a lovely girl despite knowing she has been quite sneery to my own dd because this girl is so so pretty.

See, Kerala, I wouldn’t think that. I’d just think about the shitty things that girl had done.
I wonder if people who have gone through life with - ahem - interesting looks see the person behind the face more, because they wished others would.

Maybe but it's easy to say you would see past it but it's instinctive- not many are immune to the extraordinarily beautiful. This girl and an old friends son are in a different league to any other child I know.

Hmmm, I'm on the fence about this one. My DS (8) is a proper little heartbreaker - dark hair, big brown eyes, classic good looks. He is quite quiet and introspective. One day he'll be described as brooding, I'm sure.

DD (6) isn't quite in the same league (not least because she has knocked out two teeth, chipped a third and lost a few others). But she is CUTE. Button nose, tumbling blonde curls and blue eyes. She is also incredibly confident and talkative.

Out in public, people go nuts over DD. People always chat to her, she gets given free cookies in Pret, teachers favour her, all the school mums rave about her.

I've racked my brains as to why she gets so much more attention. Is it because she's a girl? Is it her sheer force of personality? Is it the blonde/blue-eyed thing?

My also blonde, blue-eyed nephew also got fussed over, and my MIL used to rhapsodise about DH's blonde, blue-eyed cousin (now bald and 6ft), so maybe there is something in that.

Yes to blonde hair blue eyed thing, especially with older generations. My grandmother is unashamedly biased to Arian features; which is ridiculous considering she is a small dark Celt.
This has been a really interesting thread where people have consciously discussed their primal reaction to beauty but have inadvertently also demonstrated another biological impulse to find their own offspring spectacular. Is anyone else dying to see a picture to validate the descriptions of beautiful kids?Not judging at all because I know I am guilty of it too.

One of my work colleagues is absolutelyb stunning, tall blonde beautiful face incredible figure, she has been working here for four years and already had two promotions, I’m sure people have been responding positively to her all her life and at 25 she has more poise and confidence than I have in my late 50s!

I think it's true to an extent - we are programmed to be attracted to empathise with certain features. Im using dogs as an example here, through evolution and historic domestication their looks have changed in order for us to find them more desirable and make us want to take care of them, like floppy ears and big eyes.

My dc isn't an easy child, she doesn't fit within the school education system and stubborn as a mule in some ways. She is an adorable outcast, she isn't badly behaved but also doesn't conform ever but somehow almost everyone gives her the time of day and are good to her but she doesn't make solid friendships/groups so she drifts around in the playground etc, She does also have a great personality so I'd like to think it's not all down to her conventional looks.