Better looking children are easier to forgive/care for etc

[SandyBabyToes]

More of a "Is she being unreasonable" than an unreasonable one.

A close friend of mine insists a child that isn't particularly nice is easier to look after if they have a saving grace of being good looking. If a child of equal naughtiness isn't good looking, she insists it's harder to look after them in terms of if being emotionally draining to a point of no return.

Of course, she says, if a somewhat ugly child is a little darling then that's fine and they're lovely in their own sort of way, their behaviour even makes you believe somewhat that they have their own unique look.

She has been a Nanny in her time but is also a mother and said she felt the same way about her 3 children. She admits they aren't as equally as beautiful as the other but prefers to concentrate on their good parts and says her "least pleasing to the eye" DS has the most academic potential but also observed that teachers seem to like her other sons more.

I have to admit that I do understand where she's coming from. I have a 12 year age gap between me and my sisters. Both were equally as naughty and badly behaved but I preferred to look after one over the other because one was very pretty and I found it easier to forgive her (no harsh judgment please, I was only 15 at the time)

Can't comment as an adult because my own DC is stunning and of course I'm completely biased

What do you think?

Disclaimer: DFriend is very unusual in a sense that she doesn't hold fire when she thinks something and knows it won't cause offence to you personally.

EyesWideShut less so with children than with adults I think. We seem more hard-wired with what we find attractive in children.

I think the point made upthread about being a less attractive child having a correlative relationship with behaviour is a good one too. Kids are remarkably perceptive, I'm sure they can pick up on inequalities very young and start resenting them.

(Can I just say how nice it is to have a MN thread on a potentially-touchy subject actually generating interesting insight, rather being immediately bogged under by the " what an UNFORGIVABLE thing to say, you should be HANGED, YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" brigade...)

Agree with your last paragraph QuimReaper, though there has been one post like this a few minutes ago :S but I'm hoping to learn when they feel that way as I can't see why anyone would find this thread problematic considering the sensitive way it's being discussed.

It's well documented that attractive people get more lenient court sentences etc...

I'm an ugly fucker, and I can report that it's a millstone around my neck :D

Remember reading about a study done - even babies and very young children gravitate towards even featured conventionally attractive people instinctively.

Hate to say it but op friend has a point. As adults with the care of dc we need to be aware of this and not do it.

DS1 is a beautiful child, always has been. His younger brother is less conventionally so. Of the two though, I find DS2 much easier to look after, because he has a much easier going, more charming personality. DS1 is to use MN terminology, a goady fucker who will do anything to get a rise out of others. It doesn't mean I love one or the other more, but I definitely don't find the more good looking one more easy to forgive just because he gives me his naughty grin that says 'got you....again...'

Lemon yes, I started typing my second post right after posting my first, so I missed Battle Cunt's contribution. Ironic

There's always one who is morally above scientifically observed phenomena though, I can live with that. It's when there's an army of them that it gets boring.

It's true for sure.

My 14 year old son is an utter pain. He is very handsome, he is charming and he has great social skills. I think people are a lot less harder on him when he's being an utter pain because of his looks and charm. It doesn't work on me, but it seems to for many people unfortunately.

He's young, so it all could change. Good looks alone can make a difference in how you are treated, but if you have the good looks, charm and an outgoing personality you will probably go pretty far based on that alone, sadly.

I remember a previous thread about overweight children too, a poster mentioning that she'd noticed when she'd taken her two daughters to the dentist that the hygienist (or whatever) was much snappier with her heavier daughter. A similar phenomenon I guess. Kids will instinctively notice a thing like that from a very young age.

DS1 is to use MN terminology, a goady fucker

That made me laugh because you just described my son perfectly.

Yet, he gets away with it with so many people.

Like I said, it doesn't work with me but I can guarantee that if my other sons did the stuff he did they would not get away with it so easily.

Definitely true.

The "inverted smile" thing is really interesting. You get more hits on an Image Search - here's one I found.

It always amazes me how incredibly important teeth are to looks.

Oh, that image doesn't have the caption:

"Case report showing the esthetic impact of changes in vertical positioning of incisors at smiling: A) initial smile showing inverted smile arc; B) illustration showing final incisors positioning; C) alignment and leveling outcomes with changes in bonding protocol following lower lip contour; and D) final result."

Basically turning the arc of the teeth from a rainbow shape to a... well, smile shape

Yet, he gets away with it with so many people

Indeed. Drives me up the wall that people who don't deal with it on a daily basis are won over by his beautiful smile, so he never learns to moderate his joking around. If he doesn't learn soon, once he reaches the pub/beer stage, he runs the risk of having his good looks ruined by winding up the wrong person!

I think there is a little bit of truth in that. I think some children are also very good at playing on their looks.

A couple of examples spring to mind. I remember a child in one of my girl's years. She was very small, fair curly haired, blue eyed and sounded small and innocent. However there were a couple of times where I had contact with her and she was actually quite rude and domineering, but because of how she looked and sounded it was never pulled up on in a way that other children were pulled up (both by children and adults) with much lesser offenses. There was a definite attitude of "if she is rude, well, she's just to young and innocent to understand that it's rude"-even when she was one of the oldest.

Another pair I dealt with in the past were great friends. On the surface they both seemed equally nice girls. One was definitely prettier than the other as a surface look, again fair hair, blue eyes, and very good at wheedling her own way. As I dealt with them more I found that she was very good at using the charm on people that mattered, and could be very manipulative and quite nasty at times.
The other thing I found was she found it very difficult if her friend got attention or in any way considered better.

I think though you do sometimes get people that take against children for the same reason, too charming and use it!-although I think they then get more sympathy from others.

I can see where you're coming from. Sadly, it reinforces bad behaviour from the beautiful doesn't it? They always get away with it.
I've read that ugly (obviously this is highly objective) people are more likely to be found guilty by a jury than the good looking. Totally unfair.

A good example of inverted smiles are ricky gervais and victoria beckham. Both quite good looking until they grin and then look disingenuous and sinister.

*disclaimer. My own teeth are shit but for different reasons

DD2 has nearly driven me insane, teases her sisters, doesn't listen, everything a battle, usual fun and games.
But is very pretty and dainty, and has perfected the puss in boots style look with massive eyes looking upwards when told off, it's very hard to carry on when you're faced with something so cute.
I can see that happening on a wider scale, within schools and peer groups.

I was all ready to protest at such a thought, then I thought about it, and actually it's true, isn't it?

I've heard people say "how could you be cross at that face" when a cute looking child has been naughty.

A relative's DD is a bit of a nightmare. She's been spoiled and is not a pleasant child, to be frank. But goodness does she look angelic. Curly golden hair, big eyes. Like something from an old soap advertisement. Her looks are praised almost to the point of worship, and the terrible behaviour is never mentioned. You see it in schools as well.

Definitely true! Unfortunately.

I'm pregnant and I secretly hope my baby is really cute because I know it will make the trials and horrors of parenthood easier to bear. But I know it won't be because neither me nor DH are lookers, now or when we were babies.

My mum always says how bloated and fat I was when I was born, my sister was regular size, I've wondered if this is why sis is mums favourite. This seems unfair - I take responsibility for my weight now but not sure how I could have lost weight still inside the womb!

I think this is true in most if not all areas of life. Good looks will give you an easier time.

Btw, I find it funny when people say things like "thankfully my good looking DC grew up to be a nice adult". forgetting that the whole point is that good looking people are forgiven more easily so would be judged as a nice person more readily than average looking people..

As a previous poster said I have also noticed an obvious preference and affiliation for pupils who are of the same class, ethnicity and background as the teacher. I would even go as far as to suggest teachers prefer children that look more like them. A purely anecdotal observation of course, but I sometimes wonder if this helps middle class, white girls become the most successful group academically. Again another depressing observation.

My little boy is a lively one, very hyper and prone to meltdowns. He also looks like a cherub. Naturally I am biased but everyone says he's a beautiful child, everywhere he goes, and he's always laughing. He gets away with a lot because of his looks. The nursery and teachers absolutely love him. Though he is diagnosed with ASD and I think they are understanding because of that as well.

Piewraith don't lose hope! Genes are very contrary things.The plainest of couples can produce the most glorious looking offspring and likewise the offspring of a supermodel couple may turn out to look like a potato with limbs.

victoire woah, you are bang on! Just googled them both smiling and they do look sort of sharky! No wonder VB sticks to the cat's bum face

(I'm not serious - the pout may be more technically "attractive" but a proper smile will always be more ingratiating in real life)

(That's what I tell myself at least, since I can't seem to break the habit of doing a big cheesy grin in photos, which makes me look like a squinty-eyed buck-toothed quadra-chinned chipmunk )