Better looking children are easier to forgive/care for etc

[SandyBabyToes]

More of a "Is she being unreasonable" than an unreasonable one.

A close friend of mine insists a child that isn't particularly nice is easier to look after if they have a saving grace of being good looking. If a child of equal naughtiness isn't good looking, she insists it's harder to look after them in terms of if being emotionally draining to a point of no return.

Of course, she says, if a somewhat ugly child is a little darling then that's fine and they're lovely in their own sort of way, their behaviour even makes you believe somewhat that they have their own unique look.

She has been a Nanny in her time but is also a mother and said she felt the same way about her 3 children. She admits they aren't as equally as beautiful as the other but prefers to concentrate on their good parts and says her "least pleasing to the eye" DS has the most academic potential but also observed that teachers seem to like her other sons more.

I have to admit that I do understand where she's coming from. I have a 12 year age gap between me and my sisters. Both were equally as naughty and badly behaved but I preferred to look after one over the other because one was very pretty and I found it easier to forgive her (no harsh judgment please, I was only 15 at the time)

Can't comment as an adult because my own DC is stunning and of course I'm completely biased

What do you think?

Disclaimer: DFriend is very unusual in a sense that she doesn't hold fire when she thinks something and knows it won't cause offence to you personally.

This is definitely true. I would also add that if a child isn’t cute, if he or she is from the same background as the teacher / nanny then they would receive an overall better experience than someone who isn’t. This is probably whybblack kids do so much better in schools with black teachers.

I was going to say you're talking bollocks until I remembered my nan who took my cousins to Bulgaria when they were little.

The middle child L, had ADHD and was very hyper at times.

One memorable moment in a restaurant when she had a full on tantrum because she wasn't getting her own way...yet the waiters, other staff AND members of the public were all trying to help cheer her up because she was blonde haired and blue eyed and looked absoutely adoreable.

"Oh come now gorgeous girl. Dry those pretty blue eyes? Do you want this cocktail umbrella?"

Everything they could....

I used to say this about my DS1 He was a really difficult colicky baby, wouldn't sleep, cried all night, wouldn't have any rubber in his mouth so no bottles or dummies at all, but he had the most eye-catching big eyes you could imagine and really long eyelashes. People would stare at them. He still has enormous eyes! It was just about the only thing that would make me feel better that he was so beautiful!

It is like that at school as well. Growing up I noticed that all the better looking kids tended to be in the 'in crowd' that everyone else wanted to be part of. I also noticed the teachers (especially the younger ones) favoured these kids - it was especially noticeable when I was studying for my A Levels. It was almost like the younger teachers were part of 'the gang'.

I also think an engaging character can have the same ability to charm and help them through life, I don't think it is looks alone.

Children that are funny and engaging find life easier for sure.

Pebbles "Sadly I think it's true. A friend of mine who is a dentist has also said something along the same lines. Some people have 'inverted smiles' where their teeth make them look permanently grumpy/ unhappy and there was some research which showed that in photos, people perceived them to be less reliable, a less popular co-worker, less trustworthy etc."

Couldn't find much when I googled inverted smile. But is it similar to the smiles some people have where even though they're doing a full smile it almost looks like they're gritting their teeth? So even though it's genuine it comes across like they're forcing a smile out but are really annoyed. It reminds me of this emoji 😬 If it comes out right on here. Like you can see teeth but it seems more annoyed and like 'baring your teeth' animals do then a proper smile.

If it helps though many of the unconventional looking girls have gone on to be absolutely stunning as adults. I've recently got in touch with a few classmates who I remember being quite funny looking as kids and now they're all fabulous bone structure and beautiful glowing skin. Lucky devils 😜

My dd has always looked angelic, and because of this people have always warmed to her, praised her and generally have been very kind. I found it very hard to discipline her because of it. It hasn't done her any harm and she has grown up to be a very loving girl (I was worried she would turn into the princess from hell) but she seems to have used the kindness shown to her as an example for her own behaviour.

Aren't good looks VERY subjective though? I always seem to have the opposite opinion to others regarding whether someone is good looking.

It shouldn't be true, but it is.

BTW I was an utter ugly duckling and my db was the goddess of beauty and all things wonderful. He was idolised everywhere we went for looking like the milky bar kid. I would encourage all adults to notice the shy and plain ones and not necessarily pander to the beautiful ones all the time. Every child deserves to feel special.

My first reaction was "god she's shallow" but then I thought about it a bit harder and yes, she has a point.

Cute/good-looking kids get away with so much more naughty behaviour, because some people "can't believe they'd be so naughty, look at them, they're so angelic looking", or they won't punish them as much because of the cuteness.

It's wrong, oh so very wrong, but it does seem to happen :(

Lemonshark.... Isnt thta slightly along the lines of Resting Bitchy Face ? I've had a lifetime of people telling me to 'smile' as I look grumpy and not much better when I do smile

Eyesshut What an individual person finds most attractive differs yeah. But on the whole there are certain characteristics that are almost universally appealing as a signifier of good genes/health. For example facial symmetry, a certain ratio distance between eyes, width of mouth, certain body shapes that denote fertility or strength. So it's a much wider issue then just what one individual prefers.

Yeah kinda Oldrave, though RBF is more when you look glum with your normal resting face. I'm talking more about a specific type of smile I've seen on some people, very few to be fair. Where a genuine wide smile doesn't look like a smile at all it just looks like someone gritting their teeth forcefully.

Hmm. I'm not sure really, I think I agree with the post upthread about being "charming". I think it depends on the level of naughtiness too - when I was a child my mum's friend used to come on holiday with us with her son who was about my age. He was angelic looking, an absolutely stunning child, but he was a precious, spoilt little horror - unrelentingly whiney, sulky, would throw the most INCREDIBLE tantrums to get his way, etc. All the grownups have now admitted that they found him, ahem, "wearing" I think if he'd just been cheeky or a bit wild or occasionally stroppy he might have got more of a pass than me an uglier kid, but at that level of behaviour his looks couldn't save him.

(I should add that of course it wasn't his fault. His mother is one of the loveliest, warmest people I've ever met, but she was an older single mother and he was an only child, and the absolute apple of her eye, so she was inclined to baby him enormously and he was a bit of a Little Lord Fauntleroy. Grown out of it now, I am assured.)

Good fucking gods.

This thread is horrible.

Its true, sadly. My DS1 has always been such hard work. He has his sweet moments. But mostly he's just got a, erm, tricky personality. He's such a handsome boy though. I think he's going to get through life based on his pretty face. DS2 is all about the personality. I think he's gorgeous but I can see he's not conventionally good looking. He is a force of nature though and that's whats going to carry him through.

Us humans are a shallow lot. There’s lots of evidence to support the idea that we respond more favourably to good looking people, kids and adults.

I'm sure that is why parents get subconsciously caught up in dressing and grooming their children so nicely, it is because it matters what your child looks like/smells like. Even cats wash their kittens. It is not just for our benefit, but for the outside world. I think it is quite a big parenting shift when you stop worrying about how your child "looks" and presents themselves, (and just love them however they look) it is quite a big moral leap. We all want our children to appear at their best, just as some posters said above, it is a sort of genetic display, like birds having nice plumage being healthy and strong.

I'm noticing a lot with my teenagers how critical I am of their appearance, despite everyone telling me how thoroughly beautiful they are . I want them to look their absolute best. Is it some wired response in parenting, to protect them, to help them survive?

BattleCuntGalactica Why do you think it's horrible? It's discussing a real phenomena. It's not a bitchfest or being nasty as far as I can see. It's a real thing that has been/is researched by others. Personally I feel the best way to counteract this sort of thing is to be aware of it. If you're aware of it you may notice your own behaviour and correct it.

Nettleskeins I wonder if that's behind some of the typical reactions teenagers get to tattoos, piercings, crazy hair dye, from their more conservative (little c) parents.

Do you remember the Tale of Tom Kitten? Mrs Tabitha Twitchet dressing her kittens and all their buttons falling off?

This topic is fascinating, I've never given it any thought before (when applied to children anyway). I definitely think it's true what others have said about "smiley" children misbehaving and being seen as cheeky and mischievous but still cute. If a more serious or sullen child exhibits the same behaviour it is often viewed differently.