Disabled pregnant friend, AIBU?

[FacebookStoleMyLife]

Please help! My friend has just discovered she is pregnant. She has a learning disability serious enough that she needs a carer. She is kind and sweet and a joy to be around but she isn't able to cope on her own (she needs help with anything financial, buying food etc). She can't cope with any loud noises, she has to leave the room. She struggles as well with any problems, she will get upset and repeat herself, asking the same question over and over until someone helps her. However she is so excited at the thought of being a mum.

Her partner has no disability but is convinced she'll learn how to look after the baby and he can carry on with his life and work as normal. I want to shake him.

I am terrified that she has no idea of what being a parent really means and nor does her partner. So, am I being unreasonable to be really scared for her and the baby, and honestly think this is a bad idea? Anyone been in a similar situation? What help will they get in terms of care? Will her partner be expected to stay home to care for the baby? Will they be given childcare to cover the hours her partner is at work (this is what they think will happen).
Thank you all in advance.

They take the welfare of the patient into account for any treatment though. So if they felt someone with LDs was going to be prescribed Clomid and felt that any ultimate pregnancy would damage their welfare, that might trigger similar concerns.

Guidelines might have been different long ago zzz. In my experience they are as hands off as possible as they don't want to be policing who is suitable to be parents and only really intervene in cases with grave concerns.

requiring public funds be spent to enable you to parent doesn't seem to offend people if it is IVF or similar

You would be amazed. Have a look at the threads on here. Loads of people are passionately against IVF being publicly funded. It's one of the reasons it's usually the first thing to be cut, because so few people oppose it.

I am sure you are right Eltons. I am probably just being oversensitive because I am pregnant and have some physical disabilities. I am hoping I won't need too much help except if having a flare up and I am thinking about what to put in place which we will pay for ourselves. I just empathise with those who could not self fund any help and may need to give up their hopes of parenthood. To be fair I have no experience of any situation like that of the OP's friend. I am a bit scared though.

FacebookStoleMyLife so you only wanted "nice" replies.
a lot of the people who posted the ones you may call nasty probably know a lot about lds or parent with a disability themselves. a lot of them have been upset by this thread.

Exactly Samcro, there's an underlying theme on this thread that if a parent requires support to live their lives they shouldn't be a parent. Where does it stop? Should children who need support not get an education? Should adults who need adjustments in the workplace not get them?

A decent society should support disabled and disadvantaged people to be able to do all the things the non-disabled can do, being a parent is one of those things.

Sorry but your latest post is really shocking. You've reported them to social services, not because you think they won't cope, you admit you think they'll cope fine. You've reported them because, despite them being happy and excited about being parents, you don't agree that it will make them happy. Jesus that's interference of a toxic-MIL-thread level.

Glad to hear that your friend is getting support and the picture is more rosy than some of us thought.

@MimpiDreams 👏

No Mimpi, she spoke to social services to make sure they were getting the right support.

And, FFS, they may very well have known anyway. And why not? If the OP has concerns she is right to report for the sake of the child. This is another human life, not a guinea pig.

Would social services really tell someone they are going to visit the person they are calling about? That's outrageous!

I would like to think ss would not give out any information
And i very much doubt they would. I would i imagine they would just thank the caller and then do whatever.
Imagine if ss gave out info about people to random callers, they would get flamed

I thought it was weird, op must be mistaken I'm sure :)

Children's social care?
So there is a pre-birth CIN or CP plan in place and they told you that?

The only reason C&F would get involved if there were child protection concerns. They have to be quite significant to do this during pregnancy.
That isn't really good news at all.

I am also horrified that the adult team said it was nothing to do with them.
You friend isn't just a vessel waiting to produce a child in need of protection. She is a woman with health and social needs of her own.

What with them disclosing very sensitive information to a random on the phone I would be seriously considering an official complaint on behalf of your friend.

When I talk to SS I have to be with the person being discussed or get written, verifiable consent from them which I then email over.

Me too mrsd, the idea that ss would discuss someone with a random is veryodd.
Over the years i have had a lot of contact with ss, both adults and childrens and they will never discuss another person with me, quite rightly.

astrid yes, horror! People with LDs can be good parents and always have.
Surely you, someone with superior intellect (though still not clever enough to not use crappy terminology) understand that LDs doesn't mean 'stupid' or 'incapable' and that people with LDs may struggle with some aspects of life but not all.
Not to mention that there are many degrees of LD.

So guess what? People with LDs can have consensual sex and even enjoy it.

I'm not sure how being nasty to the OP is a constructive response from people getting their feelings hurt by the thread.

She was worried and wanted advice, maybe a bit more education on people with LD's would have been better than petty digs.

It's nice to see though based on the OP's last response that the people who tried to advise her rather than berate her gave her the help she was looking for to try and support her friend better.

education really this is the OPs friend
why would she need to be educated. she is close to the person.

'People getting their feelings hurt'

Really? And you were concerned about people being petty?

Perfect place to post this, I think.
Feelings hurt. FFS.
Nothing like being labelled an inadequate parent by clueless pricks with no idea to 'hurt the feelings', yeah?

BishopBrennansArse so with you.
its "sad" that after all these years and the this is my child campaign
we still still have to educate people like the op

Particularly as the OP has admitted there's no worries about ability to cope. It's all about happiness. Which is entirely subjective and as the OP has demonstrated significant prejudice and an astonishing lack of knowledge about how social services operate shows she has fuck all clue about said fictitious friend and how she feels anyway.

As if social services have time for investigating coping families because they're not as happy as someone who hasn't walked in their shoes think they should be.

My eyes couldn't roll any more
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

same old same old
OP mentions LDS and guess what

we really need a like post

we