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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance - AIBU to have everything crossed for a windfall?

195 replies

UnravelMyMind · 10/01/2018 13:02

I have a namechanged for this because it may get very identifying...

Early last year my parental grandmother died. She left a small amount of money to me, and the rest of her estate to her two sons, one of whom is my dad . My dad hurriedly left the country 12 years ago to escape from HMRC so his share of the money was to be kept by his brother, who was going to send him an allowance every year.

In October my dad died of cancer, very suddenly. Neither me or his brother had had a lot to do with him for the previous 10 years, very long story but basically he's a compulsive liar) although we did go out and see him in the country he was living a few weeks before he died.

His brother has now sold his mothers house and so has doubled the amount of money he was due to inherit because he will no longer have to share it with his brother.

I do not feel comfortable asking his brother about this, hence I am driving myself mad thinking about it and hoping that it will occur to him to share some with myself as it's money he would not have had if it was not for the death of my father / his brother. Not all of it, it's an extra £150,000, but at least something...? £30k for example ?

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 10/01/2018 15:34

OP

Would you feel more comfortable talking to your uncle about something specific e.g. reimbursing you expenses for the trip when your dad was in hospital, a house improvement or similar?

budgiegirl · 10/01/2018 15:41

Wow just wow ! She is entitled to it more than her uncle is!

Legally, she isn’t. As an adopted child, the OPs claim to her bio dads estate is severed upon adoption. Unless she is specifically named in his will (which is not the case here)

YearOfYouRemember · 10/01/2018 15:52

Since you were adopted I don't have thought there is no chance you are entitled to the money as you are no longer his child. Unless adoption is legal then what's the point of adoption. Sounds like you're relying on the good will of your uncle.

alotalotalot · 10/01/2018 15:54

What were the terms of the trust?
Could you start up a conversation without actually asking outright sort of thing?
Or just have a conversation making it known that you are assuming you will get some then the brother will either go along with it or he will actively have to say to your face "I'm not sharing it"

astoundedgoat · 10/01/2018 16:06

Who paid for the funeral?

Original poster
UnravelMyMind · 10/01/2018 17:02

I doubt very much he would just say 'Im not sharing it', it would be very out of character (he's not very assertive either) but whether it would occur to him to share it is a slightly different matter.

The funeral was paid for in Thailand, I asked a friend of my dad's to sell his motorbike and then use the money from that.

OP posts:
metacrisis · 10/01/2018 19:46

t is interesting that the OP was the one with the job of sorting out the funeral arrangements if she is not even next of kin (anymore) should the brother not have done that? Since she was allowed to do this does that affect anything?

Next of kin has no legal basis, in all but the most limited of circumstances. He could have given anyones name as NOK to the hospital or whoever, it doesn't state anything about their relationship and doesn't give that person any rights to his estate.

mummmy2017 · 10/01/2018 19:59

Why don't you mention you got money from the friend as you dad's heir, and wonder if your uncle knows of anything else you need to look into.
As you might be due some of your dads pensions or things like that, so you give your uncle a chance to think maybe you should also get your dads share of the house..

metacrisis · 10/01/2018 20:05

but she's not due any pensions.

He was not, legally, her dad.

NeversayNever2 · 10/01/2018 23:59

I am not throwing away my shot, your post is spot on in all this mass confusion.

Op you need to get over linking the word solicitor... To things getting nasty.

It's simply the pragmatic and adult thing to do. You need to find out your legal position, bearing in mind nothing in law is black and white. You were adopted when you you were a child because of step fathers work package Hmm.

I totally concur with I am not throwing away... That in this particular case, being automatically cut off.. Is not necessarily the case at all. You were clearly not totally dis engaged from the family. Your grandma mentions you, you were your dad's next of kin. You know your uncle well. You are the only blood child.

Whether there would be anything left to do inherit after hmrc had a share who knows.. But do yourself a favour and get Clear basic advice on this.

IAmNotThrowingAwayMyShot · 11/01/2018 00:40

Wow thanks, NeversayNever2 — nobody every totally concurs with my posts! I suspect all the people saying “You were adopted, end of” do not have a legal background.

bridgetreilly · 11/01/2018 00:57

I think you have to be prepared for the likely scenario of your uncle not bringing up the issue of the inheritance at all. I would be ready to say to him something like, "So, it seems as though my father didn't leave a will. Do you know how that works in terms of what he inherited from Granny and whether I might get something or not?"

And then he, being a decent person, can say what's going on, and you'll all know where you are.

OutToGetYou · 11/01/2018 00:58

Adoption can only be set aside in very few, very specific situations and hoping for an inheritance is not one of them.

My sister (half sister) is in the same position as the op re being adopted by her step dad (my dad) who we both hate and I took legal advice on her behalf to find out if her adoption could be reversed (her birth father is alive and she knows him). The answer was generally no, unless it was dishonest or forced (which in her case actually possibly does apply, but that's beside the point).

There is no "looking at the intent of the parties" in probate law. It is nothing at all like contract law, sorry (and, yes, I have studied law).

worridmum · 11/01/2018 01:55

I have a background in law speciality in family and probate law and sadly the law is black and white in this instance that the OP was adopted and so un the eyes of the law she is no longer his child and so would not be in line for a payout via interstate rules, as legally she is the child of her adoptive father and would inherit from him instead.

If he had a will naming her she would be entitled to what the will said but with out it she gets nothing as NoK legally is his brother as i asume his parents are both decesed and he did not have any other children.

Btw blackmail is illegal and if you threaten him in writing you would be prosecuted if your uncle went to the police so i would strongly recommend you not do that.

I know its not news you want to hear but you will have too solely really on your uncles goidwill as legally you have no claim on any of the money.

joangray38 · 11/01/2018 02:08

Even if you are eligible won't the Hmrc debt have to be paid off first?

NeversayNever2 · 11/01/2018 08:01

Worried I'm surprised your giving this advice without having seen the actual will or knowing the exact situation. Op needs legal eyes on the will, and she needs to know her legal rights ideally before meeting uncle.

alotalotalot · 11/01/2018 08:38

I suspect HMRC won't be informed. The whole idea was to keep the money away from them.

Bridgets wording sounds great.

SheilaFentiman · 11/01/2018 09:01

I agree that Bridget's wording sounds really good.

Doubletrouble99 · 11/01/2018 09:09

I am the adoptive mum of two teens and can tell you from personal experience there is no way you have any legal claim on your father's estate.
However I would talk to your uncle and say something like - 'that was great that you managed to sell grandma's house, bet that's a weight off your mind. Did you manage to sort out how it would affect dad's half?' That way you don't sound too grabby.
Then he should tell you what the situation is and you will know once and for all - maybe your dad got most of it in dribs and drabs over time, maybe much of it went to pay off his debts or maybe HMRC will get the rest. You just don't know.

Original poster
UnravelMyMind · 11/01/2018 09:19

Morning! Thanks again for the replies. As I have said in previous posts, I do not intend to start talking about solicitors, all being all officious about it. It would purely be relying on the goodwill of my uncle, which is a strong possibility despite any impressions you may have got already. It hasn't actually been that long since he sold the house, he sold and moved literally just before Christmas.

HMRC are unlikely to get wind of the money, the reason my grandmother's will was worded in the way it was was to ensure that the money went to my dad rather than the taxman! She knew what she was doing!

We are meeting in a pub at 5:30 on Saturday, I hope that it will come up naturally but I'm starting to realise that if it doesn't I may bring it up myself. Really, I think that if you have to ask it probably wouldn't be forthcoming, but I do also wonder if it has even occurred to him. He said he had been struggling coming to terms with my dad's death, because it was all very complicated, so he may have been wrapped up mainly with that. To me it seems an obvious thing to occur to somebody, but like I've said before I am also biased !

OP posts:
UnitedKungdom · 11/01/2018 09:28

OP the only way to word a will that would keep it from the taxman is wording it so your father was not the official recipient.

ChaosNeverRains · 11/01/2018 09:41

Adoption is adoption regardless of why it was done. There is no legal position here. Legally the man is not the OP’s father, and as such she has no claim on his estate. Added to which, he clearly didn’t actually inherit given that the grandmother’s will was worded in such a way as to not make him an actual beneficiary but to pay him an allowance in order to continue to evade the tax man.

The talk of solicitors and finding out her legal position is just wishful thinking on the part of others. The OP is not this man’s next of kin regardless of biology because she was adopted. By that logic it could be argued that every adopted child in the UK could pursue their biological parents for an inheritance if they died, regardless of the fact they may have grown up with adoptive parents.

And next of kin is a position in law once someone dies. Yes when they are alive they can stipulate that e.g. the hospital call their partner etc rather than their biological family, but if someone dies without a will their legal next of kin are their legal family, hence why we read about partners of ten years plus being e.g. evicted from the home they shared with the deceased and being cut out of all arrangements etc because he didn’t leave a will and they weren’t married.

Original poster
UnravelMyMind · 11/01/2018 09:49

United all the money is, in Will terms, his brothers but it's actually 50/50 according to the less official letter than accompanied it. And his brother is following the less official version which was written more for show than to follow

OP posts:
nauticant · 11/01/2018 09:56

Some posters seem to have missed the fact that all the way through, it's not been the OP talking about her legal entitlement. She initially wrote she was hoping that it will occur to him to share some with myself, she was aware of the impact of the adoption, and she understands that the money is her uncle's. As she said a number of times, she doesn't want to get a solicitor involved.

Much of the discussion of the legal side of things has been a pissing contest from posters wanting to show off their knowledge and to score points.

Gingernaut · 11/01/2018 10:00

If your uncle is doing it the 'less than official way' then, your uncle may need to look at a Deed of Variation naming you specifically.

You are at least entitled to reimbursement for any funeral expenses.