To think you probably can't get pregnant this way

[GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz]

Hi all, very long time lurker, first time poster because something is really playing on my mind.

Normally very very careful with contraception, but I'm worried because of what happened a week ago.

Me and DP were messing around and the long and short of it is he "pleasured me digitally" (snort) with "spermy fingers". God sorry for the TMI.

I checked the app i use to track my period and that was apparently in my fertile window.

Can you put my mind at rest - its unlikely for that to cause pregnancy, right? But how unlikely? Like super unlikely or just unlikely?

Squiz81 😂

Just place marking with this

Call the baby Bob. Fingerbob

GingerbreadMa guy I was seeing was drunk and thought he would try his luck, but didn't quite make it. Nothing placed directly inside. My daughter is 19 now! So it is definitely possible to get pregnant in a ridiculous way if you are fertile enough in that moment!

The most incredible thing to come out of this thread (except perhaps a DC for the OP) is that More magazine and similar were right about the implications of "heavy petting"

This is absolutely the best thing I have read on here!
I hope it works out the way you want

I thought I read once that sperm dies when it meets oxygen???

The embryology lab at our IVF clinic said as long as the semen sample reached the lab within an hour of production, it was absolutely fine for DH to produce his sample for his semen analysis / sperm freeze / our IVF cycles at home, rather than in the horrible clinic masturbatorium where you put the pot of spunk through a hatch to the embryology lab on the other side

Within an hour of production is completely standard for most if not all clinics

For IUI (intra uterine insemination) the sperm sample has to be provided a couple of hours before the insemination because the sperm has to be prepared in the embryology lab before it can be squirted directly into the uterus.

Absolutely, definitely, doesn't die when it meets oxygen

It only takes a single sperm to fertilise and egg so considering a glob contains a few hundred to a few thousand depending on the man makes it extremely possible

A glob has way way more than a couple of hundred thousand - the lower threshold for a normal sperm count is 15m sperm per ml. That's the lower amount to be considered normal. My DH had a count that varied between 84m per ml on one of our IVF cycles to 168m per ml at another

So depending on the size of the glob, that's going to be many many million sperm

That said, most of those will be duds. In a healthy fertile male the morphology of the sperm is ridiculously poor - 4% normal forms (ie non mutant sperm who aren't duds, don't have two heads or stumpy tails) is considered normal for a fertile male. That's 96% wonky sperm. Then take into account normal motility in a fertile male - around 50% motility is 'good' (ie can the sperm swim properly and in the right direction - 'forward progression', not going round in circles like the Andrex puppy)

So a single glob will probably only contain a few hundred thousand decent swimmers, but unless they've got severe male factor infertility, a glob should have many many more than a few hundred sperm in it

done way too much IVF and know far too much about andrology!. Although it was quite cool to see DH's swimmers under the microscope nonetheless.

This is like the Glee storyline where Quinn says she got pregnant via hot tub swimmers.

OP, why don’t you think that the majority of people conceive relatively easily? If they didn’t the human race would have died out. I managed to get pregnant two days before my period was due, which is supposed to be impossible. And said pregnancy also defied the MAP.

Not all sperm are designed to penetrate the egg. There are different knds of sperm and they have different jobs. Some are 'seek and blockers' and swim ahead, find and block off crevasses in the vagina to stop the fertilisers getting in there and getting lost. Some are 'fertilisers' and programmed to find the egg and distracted by nothing else going on. Some are 'super swimmers' and provide competition to keep the 'fertilisers' up to speed and urge them on. Some are just useless because they have short or wonky tails and just swim round in circles making up the numbers on the outing.
I know all of this from DH who read an article on it in a men's magazine when he was getting his hair cut a few years ago. If it was in 'Loaded' it must be true.
So depending on how many of each type your DH has and which ones were on his fingers, you might or might not be pregnant.

Am enjoying reading all the comments and glad the issue of spermy finger conception is both informing and entertaining the community.

Still gushing discharge like a frothy coffee machine and I felt like my boobs were tingling but then realised it would be way too early to have any symptoms so just being melodramatic and imagining stuff

OP, why don’t you think that the majority of people conceive relatively easily? If they didn’t the human race would have died out.

Humans are staggeringly inefficiency at breeding compared to other species

Even at the age of 30 only around 50% of a woman's eggs will be chromosomally normal

By the age of 40 this drops to around 15%

Healthy sperm can survive for a maximum of 7 days in the fallopian tube, at best. 3-5 days is more normal. The egg survives for a max of 24h after ovulation

On average across all age groups around 30% of pregnancies miscarry and up to 75% of pregnancies fail to implant

At a population level humans do not fall pregnant instantly - although it's a bell curve, so for every infertile woman like me there will be super fertile women like there are on this thread

@bananafish81
Yes, I dont have the stats like you have, but I was always thought actually compared to other animals we are inefficient. We tend to have one baby at a time and fucking isnt a guarantee of pregnancy like it seems to be with for example cats or dogs.

We tend to have one baby at a time and fucking isnt a guarantee of pregnancy like it seems to be with for example cats or dogs.

Yup! Dogs come in and out of season so they do have a fertile window - however cats are induced ovulators, like some other animals. The semen actually triggers ovulation - so the shag makes the animal release the egg on demand.

I conceived after: hump hump "nah I'm too pissed I can't do it." I presume pre-cum? Tbh I've never been entirely sure how I got pregnant from that!

@GrooovyLass do you think he actually had premature ejecaulation but was embarrassed so pretended it didn't happen?

Ahhh maybe - that has never occurred to me!

He disappeared when I got to the "g" in "I'm pregnant" and I didn't see him for 3 years, and now he hates me. So I won't be finding out anytime soon...

gushing discharge like a frothy coffee machine

It's like poetry.

Very possible. What is the difference between fingers and a turkey baster? Go see gp.

@Unicorns thanks for this thread! Good luck. Can't wait for the outcome

I actually howled at this whole thread 😂.

The disabled sperm was a high point for me haha.

Definitely not place marking

he "pleasured me digitally"

Had to do it analogue in the good o' days...

I have 5 year age gap between my kids. One is analogue, the newer, screen-dependent one is digital.

I do wonder how many of these teenage cautionary tales are true - "we didn't have proper sex, honest" type situations. I'm looking at you, Mary

OP, within a week of conceiving I honestly looked like I'd had a boob job. It was nuts. I knew for nearly a week before my period was due... but then I was having twins (now that's a shock) so my hormone levels were batshit.

I'm utterly bewildered by the mechanics of oral sex, kissing, more oral sex. Those were some robust sperms.