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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my Dad has stolen my best friend from me

119 replies

Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:02

Bit of background, I have always been very nervous and shy, i was self diagnosed with dysphoria when young and struggled to make friends all my life. I have had a couple of jobs that I didn't really enjoy and was bullied but a year and a half back I got a job in a call centre where I was made really welcome and have made really good progress.

I then found a really good assisted house share close to work (within walking distance as before i was catching three buses) and have felt a good deal happier than I was previously. I really feel i have made strides in my life

At my new work I met some really nice people and one especially good friend. We would go out for drinks after work and even to a club occasionally in Peterborough. We get on great and it's really good.

A couple of months ago I had arranged to meet my Dad for a meal. He has split up from my Mum and lives alone on a narrowboat, I think he is mainly happy but he did confide he got lonely and missed company. As I was on my way to meet my Dad my friend ask to join as at a loose end, of course I said yes.

We had a really nice night at Frankie and Bennys and everyone got on great. My friend and my Dad had a lot in common (they both like F1 and are massive Prince (RIP) fans) and it was really good to see them having passionate discussions. At the end of the night they swapped numbers and said they would stay in touch

Since then I have hardly seen either of them. They spend a great deal of time together but never invite me. My friend has even stayed over on my Dad's boat a number of times. I was obviously happy to see them getting on but quite upset as I felt I had been pushed out by them both

Last week I had arranged to go for a meal and drinks with my friend but was stood up again, I then found out my friend and my Dad had been to watch a Prince tribute act in my Dad's local pub. They said they had texted me and asked me to join but I didn't get this, they said it must be a confusion with phone numbers which is technically possible as I do change mobile contracts quite often to ensure I have the most up to date handsets (I am a bit of a phone geek) but I always make sure they have my newest number so they can contact me

I really want to say something to them and especially to my Dad as I feel he has stolen my friend from me but I am worried if I do they might say they prefer achother's company to mine. How can I raise it with them and get my friend back?

OP posts:
Tstar27 · 09/01/2018 17:06

Im afraid I don't think it's as simple as raising it and getting your friend back. You can raise it with your friend and say something along the lines if I miss hanging out/your company- do you want to do this...

As for the friendship between your dad and your friend well, I don't think they'll stop seeing each other but perhaps you can confront your dad for not including you. It's a little shitty of him to be honest

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 17:12

Are you sure that your friend and your dad are just friends?!

strangerhoes · 09/01/2018 17:13

Sounds like more than friends

KarmaStar · 09/01/2018 17:14

YANBU OP,but you may have to accept your friend is in the 'honeymoon'stage of a relationship and wants to spend as much time with your dad as possible.
That is no excuse though and when you see her next tell her how you feel.Nobody should drop friends because of a new love interest but they do.
In the meantime,you have done so very well making great advances in your life so don't let this put you back.
Join a club,search the library for reading groups,or take up a new hobby and your social life will open up a bit more and you will meet new friends.

ButchyRestingFace · 09/01/2018 17:16

Is your friend male?

Firesuit · 09/01/2018 17:17

I do change mobile contracts quite often to ensure I have the most up to date handsets (I am a bit of a phone geek) but I always make sure they have my newest number so they can contact me

I think you can transfer you mobile number to a new provider, there's no need to change your number when you change your phone.

DancesWithOtters · 09/01/2018 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

0nTheEdge · 09/01/2018 17:19

Is it a romantic relationship which has started between your dad and friend? If so, they may be in the 'honeymoon' period where it's all new and exciting. I'd be tempted to tell your dad you're happy for him that he's met someone special but that you're feeling really lonely as the two people you would usually see are wrapped up with each other and you've not seen them. Hopefully once the first flush of romance has worn off they will make more time for you.
If it's a plutonic relationship, then that is pretty mean of them. I'd still confide in your dad that you're feeling lonely and ask if you can join in with some meet ups or if he can make time for you on his own.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 09/01/2018 17:21

If it is a female then they are def at it. Even so if they prefer each other's company to yours you can't do anything about it, that's the decision your friend has chosen.
Obviously you weren't that close or she wouldn't be going with your dad in the first place!

SoleBizzz · 09/01/2018 17:23

Do they smoke cannabis?

lougle · 09/01/2018 17:26

It doesn't sound like they are friends to me either. Had that thought crossed your mind? What are the ages and sexes of you and your friend? How old is your Dad?

sonjadog · 09/01/2018 17:26

I´m afraid you can't reclaim a friend like that. They aren't an item that your Dad has borrowed. I'm sure things will settle down after a while, so busy yourself with other friends and activities in the mean time.

Emmageddon · 09/01/2018 17:28

Well done for turning your life around, and try to be glad that your dad is no longer so lonely. I think you will just have to accept that your friend and your dad have loads in common so obviously will get on well. Don't see it as a negative. Keep in touch with both of them, and join in on some of their nights out. Explore friendships with other people, too, and try doing some different activities to meet new people, as others have said.

Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:30

I know but i always want a new phone when my contract is still running so take out a new contract and run the other down, you can't keep your number when you are in contract

OP posts:
Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:31

my dad smokes a lot yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:31

My dad is 62, my friend is 27

OP posts:
digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:32

"i was self diagnosed with dysphoria" Confused

You can't claim a friend. They aren't property. You could speak openly and honestly to the people involved and find out what's going on.

Suggesting that they and your Dad are shagging is boring, lazy and unintelligent. People can be friends without fucking. Of course, there is a chance your friend could become your step parent but jumping to this conclusion helps no one.

TheAntiBoop · 09/01/2018 17:34

That doesn't sound very penny wise tbh - you should consider the financial impact of replacing your phone the way you do

But back to your original question - you can't really do anything and it's extremely annoying. But it does sound like they are romantically involved

TheAntiBoop · 09/01/2018 17:35

Or your friend likes intense friendships bed has moved on from you and will move on from your dad

CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 17:38

Oh dear, this sounds a bit of a no no. I do not think your Dad and the lady are just friends.I think they are having an affair even though there is a big age gap. I think you are saying your Dad smokes a lot of cannabis. If you are, then maybe the fact he has it to share , may attract your friend also.
I think you may need to move on. TBH it sounds pretty unfair of your Dad, but these things happen. When men say they miss company, it often means 'I wouldn't mind having sex if the opportunity came along'. Seems like he pounced on your friend and that is end of the story. And you know what they say'two's company and three's a crowd' and they probably do not want you to see them smooching and neither do you, if you think about it.
I do feel for you, and wish you good luck.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 17:38

I think your dad and your friend are having sex. Had that occurred to you before?

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rudgie47 · 09/01/2018 17:45

It happens OP, I'd just move on and try to meet new people. The friend isnt much of a friend really and your Dad isnt thinking of you either. Leave them to it and dont be asking them for their company. You are better than that.

steff13 · 09/01/2018 17:45

i was self diagnosed with dysphoria

I don't know what this means.

Suggesting that they and your Dad are shagging is boring, lazy and unintelligent.

Perhaps, but it could also be true.

OP, you can't stop them from being friends, but I don't think it would hurt to tell them that you're feeling pushed out and you'd like to spend time with one or both of them.

CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 17:46

digital wotsit- Because he did. they immediately went off together leaving OP in the lurch.
Don't you worry about me.