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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my Dad has stolen my best friend from me

119 replies

Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:02

Bit of background, I have always been very nervous and shy, i was self diagnosed with dysphoria when young and struggled to make friends all my life. I have had a couple of jobs that I didn't really enjoy and was bullied but a year and a half back I got a job in a call centre where I was made really welcome and have made really good progress.

I then found a really good assisted house share close to work (within walking distance as before i was catching three buses) and have felt a good deal happier than I was previously. I really feel i have made strides in my life

At my new work I met some really nice people and one especially good friend. We would go out for drinks after work and even to a club occasionally in Peterborough. We get on great and it's really good.

A couple of months ago I had arranged to meet my Dad for a meal. He has split up from my Mum and lives alone on a narrowboat, I think he is mainly happy but he did confide he got lonely and missed company. As I was on my way to meet my Dad my friend ask to join as at a loose end, of course I said yes.

We had a really nice night at Frankie and Bennys and everyone got on great. My friend and my Dad had a lot in common (they both like F1 and are massive Prince (RIP) fans) and it was really good to see them having passionate discussions. At the end of the night they swapped numbers and said they would stay in touch

Since then I have hardly seen either of them. They spend a great deal of time together but never invite me. My friend has even stayed over on my Dad's boat a number of times. I was obviously happy to see them getting on but quite upset as I felt I had been pushed out by them both

Last week I had arranged to go for a meal and drinks with my friend but was stood up again, I then found out my friend and my Dad had been to watch a Prince tribute act in my Dad's local pub. They said they had texted me and asked me to join but I didn't get this, they said it must be a confusion with phone numbers which is technically possible as I do change mobile contracts quite often to ensure I have the most up to date handsets (I am a bit of a phone geek) but I always make sure they have my newest number so they can contact me

I really want to say something to them and especially to my Dad as I feel he has stolen my friend from me but I am worried if I do they might say they prefer achother's company to mine. How can I raise it with them and get my friend back?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 09/01/2018 20:06

OP did you mean to type myself diagnosed rather than self diagnosed? That would make more sense.

Sorry you do seem to have lost your friend for now. Try to look on it as a learning curve. You can make friends and live well. You can make new friends too.

SilverdaleGlen · 09/01/2018 20:10

Burchett total aside but you need to use Unchained.com.

It separates phone contracts and phones so you can upgrade whenever you want without affecting your contract or number at all.

As to friend, it's possible it's an affair, it's possible they are just friends but the reality is that it's sad but they have chosen each other for time and you cannot force them to spend time with you.

You need to focus on building more friendships and interests. You've done it once you can do it again Smile

movingtowardsthelight · 09/01/2018 20:19

It will settle down and they will include you. They sound it honeymoon stage. Which can be a bit obsessive. Be it friendship or more.

Once it settles down I expect you three will be great friends and good company for life.

Smile lots, be pleased for them. Support them with positive comments. Talk about the other one with kindness, and suggest coffees out or other meetings.

If you text, they are likely to ping text back on same number/phone. I doubt the missing invitation was intended. They were genuinely trying to include you.

It will work out.

Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 21:06

Myself diagnosed yes, I'm not good at typing, by my mum when I was at school

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 09/01/2018 21:07

Is your mum a medical expert in the area?

Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 21:09

I will text my dad tomorrow to see if he wants an evening on the boat with a bottle of wine (well, ruddles beer for him) and try to suggest we can all be friends together, thank you all for your advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 21:10

She is very knowledgeable medically yes

OP posts:
PopFart · 09/01/2018 21:14

This thread is bonkers but it's not the usual package that the typical bonkers threads appear in.

Bluedoglead · 09/01/2018 21:14

Is she medically qualified?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 21:27

OP you can’t be medically diagnosed by your mum, it has to be by a qualified healthcare professional that doesn’t know you personally. I feel there is a lot more going on with you than you’re admitting here, which is fine, but I would speak to somebody you trust about the stuff that’s going on with your dad. I’d also mention the fact that you run three phone contracts at once - this really isn’t necessary and is costing you money.

Rudgie47 · 09/01/2018 21:57

I find it a bit unusual that a 27 year old would be shagging a 62 year old.I know these things do happen but I think its very rare.

MistressDeeCee · 09/01/2018 22:03

Even if they are shagging (& I think they are), it's really shitty of both of them to avoid you and leave you out of things. Why can't they stop hiding, and face you? In your shoes I'd have nothing to say to your fickle so-called friend but I absolutely would have a go at your dad.

He raised you he knows you. He knows you'll be feeling bad right now. But for the sake of a young woman -
I'm assuming you and she ate close in age? All you are to each other has gone out of the window. He's met someone so you likely wouldn't be as close anyway, but to mess you about is horrible. The lie about texting you is stupid.

In fact he's stupid. You are not.

MistressDeeCee · 09/01/2018 22:07

Rudgie it's not so rare, there's such a thing as (a) older men being seen as a soft touch/easy to manipulate and (b) older men losing their minds over getting a young woman, all sense goes out of the window.

But I see why you'd say that as essentially, it's rarely due to them loving each other. There's a bargain being made somehow or other

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/01/2018 22:14

MistressDeeCee - the friend is a young man, not a young woman.

Haffiana · 09/01/2018 22:16

Good grief, people who do not READ THE FUCKING THREAD should be banned.

I would rather have trolls and GFs than fuckwits who are in such a slavering rush to post their idiotic ha'pennyworth. I bet they are the people who in real life talk without listening.

RebelRogue · 09/01/2018 22:29

For the newly arrived, the friend is MALE.

MistressDeeCee · 09/01/2018 22:48

Oh I thought I read "woman" - small phone screen. I stand by what I said tho, since not every couple I know is M/F anyway

Haffiana wow don't bust a gut dearie its not worth it for Mumsnet really

MadMags · 09/01/2018 22:56

Taking this on face value...

Unless your mum is a medical expert in that field, she can’t and hasn’t diagnosed you with anything.

apacketofcrisps · 09/01/2018 23:27

You must have been diagnosed with something by an actual doctor to get assisted housing? Your mum can’t just decide what health issues you have that’s not how it works?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 10/01/2018 07:43

Obviously they don’t put people in assisted living because their mum says they have ‘dysphoria’. There’s much more going on here. OP I worry that you’re vulnerable and not coping well with this situation with your dad. I hope you have people to support you and talk through this with you.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 10/01/2018 07:43

Obviously they don’t put you into assisted housing because your mum says you have ‘dysphoria’. There’s clearly much more going on with the OP here. The thing with the phones is an example of that, as is the inability to accept the situation with Dad and friend.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 10/01/2018 07:43

Obviously they don’t put you into assisted housing because your mum says you have ‘dysphoria’. There’s clearly much more going on with the OP here. The thing with the phones is an example of that, as is the inability to accept the situation with Dad and friend.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 10/01/2018 08:04

Oh ffs, sorry about that, weird phone

Original poster
Burchett · 10/01/2018 11:39

have phoned my dad and we are meeting tonight, my friend is off work today with a cold

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 10/01/2018 12:51

If your dad has a cold too then you know the boat has been rocking