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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my Dad has stolen my best friend from me

119 replies

Burchett · 09/01/2018 17:02

Bit of background, I have always been very nervous and shy, i was self diagnosed with dysphoria when young and struggled to make friends all my life. I have had a couple of jobs that I didn't really enjoy and was bullied but a year and a half back I got a job in a call centre where I was made really welcome and have made really good progress.

I then found a really good assisted house share close to work (within walking distance as before i was catching three buses) and have felt a good deal happier than I was previously. I really feel i have made strides in my life

At my new work I met some really nice people and one especially good friend. We would go out for drinks after work and even to a club occasionally in Peterborough. We get on great and it's really good.

A couple of months ago I had arranged to meet my Dad for a meal. He has split up from my Mum and lives alone on a narrowboat, I think he is mainly happy but he did confide he got lonely and missed company. As I was on my way to meet my Dad my friend ask to join as at a loose end, of course I said yes.

We had a really nice night at Frankie and Bennys and everyone got on great. My friend and my Dad had a lot in common (they both like F1 and are massive Prince (RIP) fans) and it was really good to see them having passionate discussions. At the end of the night they swapped numbers and said they would stay in touch

Since then I have hardly seen either of them. They spend a great deal of time together but never invite me. My friend has even stayed over on my Dad's boat a number of times. I was obviously happy to see them getting on but quite upset as I felt I had been pushed out by them both

Last week I had arranged to go for a meal and drinks with my friend but was stood up again, I then found out my friend and my Dad had been to watch a Prince tribute act in my Dad's local pub. They said they had texted me and asked me to join but I didn't get this, they said it must be a confusion with phone numbers which is technically possible as I do change mobile contracts quite often to ensure I have the most up to date handsets (I am a bit of a phone geek) but I always make sure they have my newest number so they can contact me

I really want to say something to them and especially to my Dad as I feel he has stolen my friend from me but I am worried if I do they might say they prefer achother's company to mine. How can I raise it with them and get my friend back?

OP posts:
CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 17:48

Flaming, yay!

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 17:50

OP you mention that you are in an assisted house share, which tbh signals to me that there’s more going on with you than dysphoria (if that’s even an accurate diagnosis). I do worry that you seem quite vulnerable and are placing a lot of importance on this one friendship instead of focusing on the other good things in your life. You’re settled in your home, you enjoy your work, focus on these positives. You will make new friends.

steff13 · 09/01/2018 17:51

Because he did. they immediately went off together leaving OP in the lurch.

Yes, THEY went off together. That doesn't mean the dad "pounced on" the friend. Maybe the friend pounced on the dad, or maybe they just came to the conclusion that they have a lot in common and mutually decided to spend time together.

whyOhWhyOh · 09/01/2018 17:55

"Because he did"

I hope digital is right as the thought of that poor friend being the victim of a sexual predator is frightening - the OP needs to contact the police immediately.

On the other hand, perhaps, even if they are having sex, she isn't a poor victim and he isn't the patriarchy personified.

Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 18:02

i hadn't thought that they might be doing "it" but my friend has gone for older people in the past. This makes it worse

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 09/01/2018 18:04

On the other hand, perhaps, even if they are having sex, she isn't a poor victim and he isn't the patriarchy personified.

We don’t know that the friend is female, do we?

mustresistwine · 09/01/2018 18:04

To the poster who said it’s ‘a no no’ and ‘they are having an affair’

Have I missed something? I bought they were both single & consenting adults??

To the OP, sorry you feel like this... as a pp said, focus on the positives Flowers

MissionItsPossible · 09/01/2018 18:07

Is the friend male or female

mummmy2017 · 09/01/2018 18:07

Don't mention it to your friends, just in case they are not, but I would ask your dad, is there anything going on, as both you and friends dont' have time for me.

whyOhWhyOh · 09/01/2018 18:09

ButchyRestingFace

Ah, but toxic masculinity means that men hate each other as well as all women and EVERYONE is a victim of men and male violence.

The OP has (now) said that their friend goes for older guys so we can assume the friend is a woman, can't we? Otherwise, "I think my father is gay" may have been mentioned.

MrTrebus · 09/01/2018 18:13

Not too sure about this thread Confused what does smoking cannabis have to do with anything? Why isn't the OP saying what sex her friend is? So many questions

ButchyRestingFace · 09/01/2018 18:13

Otherwise, "I think my father is gay" may have been mentioned.

But OP hasn’t stated that he/she thinks her/his dad is getting it on with friend.

OP has so far declined to reveal the sex of friend.

Emmageddon · 09/01/2018 18:16

What does the fact that her Dad smokes cannabis have to do with anything?
And what is wrong with two people, with specific interests in common, spending time together?
Just because they are male and female doesn't automatically mean they are in a relationship.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 18:22

MrTrebus it’s pretty clear that the OP is vulnerable, the fact that they missed what is v obvious to most others (probable sexual relationship), the mention of self diagnosis of a condition that doesn’t really exist (depression?), the mention of assisted living...

Medeci · 09/01/2018 18:34

i was self diagnosed with dysphoria when young and struggled to make friends all my life.

Do you mean gender dysphoria OP? Perhaps this is why you are avoiding stating whether your friend is male or female.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/01/2018 18:37

You can't stop your friend seeing your dad so try to accept that.

However, your friend hasn't treated you well lately. Standing you up when you arranged to meet in the evening isn't on.

I'd suggest speaking to her at work (on your lunch break?) Tell her you miss her company as a friend and that you'd like to do something together?

You will meet other like minded people at work or socially so keep open minded about making other friends.

You could also contact your dad and arrange to meet (just the two of you). Again, you can explain that you miss his company. He owes you an explanation as to what is going on.

monkeywithacowface · 09/01/2018 18:38

OP I think there is quite a lot of identifying details in your first post. You do sound quite vulnerable if I'm honest so please be careful about what details you post.

I hope the usual AIBU vultures will read between the lines before coming on and giving the OP a hard time.

MamaBearto2 · 09/01/2018 18:42

Sounds like they are more than friends.. I'm very local to you if you want inbox me and chat 😊

quicklyFascinating · 09/01/2018 18:43

I hope the usual AIBU vultures will read between the lines before coming on and giving the OP a hard time.

Yes, I just deleted what I'd typed. I was fair and giving an honest opinion but that doesn't seem exactly what you need right now Burchett. Many see AIBU as Fight Club.

Ask your friend what's going on. Ask your Dad what's going on. Maybe nothing but if they are growing close then that isn't your friend being pounced on or a betrayal. If they're making each other happy then this is a good thing.

From other info you've given, you may well be overthinking this and not approaching it rationally. There might be nothing to worry about. There might have been a real problem with phone numbers.

RebelRogue · 09/01/2018 18:50

Talk to them separately and ask what's going on.
They might be shagging and avoiding you.
They might lose track of time getting stoned.
They might just be happy to have found someone that shares their interests.

Rubies12345 · 09/01/2018 18:57

Is your friend a lady?

Discusting · 09/01/2018 19:02

Sorry but how on Earth have you changed your number so much that your dad got confused! I can see how maybe once a year you did this but the time scale here sounds like you are swapping numbers every month!

Your friend is shagging your dad. Call her out on it and say you still want a friendship with her.

Rudgie47 · 09/01/2018 19:02

lookingforthecorkscrew Depression certainly does exist its a medically recognised condition as is gender dysphoria.

Original poster
Burchett · 09/01/2018 19:07

My friend is male, we even call him F1 Guy he has had girlfriends (always much older) but I have also seen him kissing men in nightclubs (we used to go to a night called Tuesgays on a Tuesday, he always would want to go there)

OP posts:
lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 19:08

I know depression exists! And gender dysphoria! Dysphoria not so much.

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