To be ‘setting up daughter as target for bullying’

[Mumyum1]

So my daughter is 10 days old and the name I have chosen for her would give her the initials A.S.S.

DH is not having it. He wants the ‘A’ changed to ‘i’ so it would be I.S.S. The pronounciation of the first name would be the same but the cultural connotation (for his and my (different) culture) of the A spelling would be lost and that’s really important to me. Our children’s names have always been a lovely bridge between our two cultures. Even his parents who were opposed to our relationship love our children’s names for their meanings and symbolism.

I do believe I will grow a human who will withstand such pressure should it occur however I don’t want to be the ass either, who wants it her way or the high way. Just so hard to be objective when the spelling of the name in my mind carries a lot of weight.

All opinions welcome. (Our previous two took us 6 weeks to agree on everything and both visits to registry office saw us barely speaking to each other. With the second one I felt so sorry for the poor registrar who witnessed our (civilised) disagreement over the spelling of DC2’s name. (I didn’t win). So this agreeing on a name in the first week is pretty awesome).

My initials are CD

When cds first came out I was teased and hated it... I was about 8 I think.

Think ahead to meeting minutes etc... ours are done using initials. If Amanda Smith works at your daughters future workplace she'll be ASS on Agendas / minutes etc

Wouldn’t do ASS or ISS.

Would either change middle, or give an extra middle name. It could be Olivia for ASOS

My parents realised that my brother’s initials were going to be DIM so they added another name. It’s a shame really because he is

My friend has a SOD. She was quite aware when the names were chosen and it doesn't seem to caused any problems through school/uni. He isn't one btw.

I have a first name and two middle names and I prefer to use those rather than first and last name initials. They're the same letter and I've always hated it. A boy at school had the same first and last name initials as me anyway so needed to differentiate. At work several people have the same initials. One girl got my scans for a few weeks because IT were slow to fix it. I got married and I'm changing my surname which actually helps a lot!
Oh and I'm constantly having to correct people's spelling and pronunciation of my first name even though it's not difficult or unusual.

Not using the initials ISS because it nearly bit does not actually spell the name of a terrorist organisation which will be gone by the time your DC are teens is uttterly ridiculous.

But, I wouldn't use ASS.

I used to work somewhere where we were all called by our initials in almost ALL written correspondence. It pissed me off because someone already had my initials, so I had to resign myself to being called FJN2 for the next five or so years.

I had a colleague whose initials were TED and I used to frequently forget that his name was actually Tim, not Ted, because I only ever saw him referred to as TED in email.

Don’t do it.

Could you swap the first and middle name and still call her by the A name?

Add a middle name .... don’t make your dd an ass

So 8 pages and the OP hasn't been back?

FWIW my DD was going to be BJ and my DP said no way.... He is a BJ so I had to appreciate his views on it.

Just stick in an extra middle name

OP?

Teacher here...children DO use their initials A LOT at school on work...especially art and DT stuff where there is limited space for an actual names to be written (think models, clay sculptures, weaving type items). I've had NOB and BAD recently...nob made me 😲 but 'bad' just made me feel very sad for the child (suspect it was deliberate, knowing the family well!). I definitely wouldn't choose ASS!!! My class would howl at that, regardless of any stern teacher looks I gave 🙄

Also, on ALL group correspondence at work and on the staff notice board, only initials are used. So yeah...they are important!

The only way to set up someone for bullying is to teach them its okay to bully.

On the offchance that your first language isn't english, you're saying here that anyone who is bullied is a bully.

That means that anyone who gets hit has hit other people.

It's not like that. A lot of kids get bullied because they have red hair, weird names or are disabled. They have done nothing violent.

If your first language isn't English, then what you mean to say is 'some bullied kids go on to bully others. It isn't going to help the OP's kid though if they do get bullied. 'ASS' is handing them an excuse on a plate, if bullies are looking for one.

Trust in God, but tie your camel up first. Don't go asking for trouble.

Or to put it another way, it is really fucking offfensive to suggest that anyone who is bullied, has been a bully towards other kids.

Or SeaEagleFeather they could be saying if you give a child the message it's acceptable or inevitable for some people to bully, then they need to accept being bullied, not that they will be a bully themselves. If a child isn't going to put up with being bullied, eg ask for help, they need to know first that it's not okay to bully anyone, so they shouldn't be being bullied.

I don't think SeaEagleFeather was saying any of that!

I interpreted it as:

'You can't control whether your child'd name/any other characteristic will get them bullied or not; it might or it might not. Choosing an awkward set of initials, therefore, doesn't necessarily set your child up to be bullied. The only way that is it guaranteed that SOMEONE is going to be set up to be bullied is if you teach your child to be a bully'

I don't think the poster was advocating that this was a good thing or in any way acceptable - I think she was saying that it is the only thing you have some chance to control. And obviously, intending that you should do the opposite (i.e., teach your child not to bully).

And I think there is some element of truth in that. You can't control whether your child will be bullied, so the best thing to do would be if EVERYONE taught their children not to bully, then no-one would be set up for it, even by awkward initials.

In the real world, however, where that hasn't yet happened, I still wouldn't give really obvious things that make a person get laughed at, as initials have the potential to do. It doesn't mean they won't get bullied/teased for something else, but it reduces one possibility.

sorry, not SeaEagleFeather, but the poster who first made that comment

heh maybe I misunderstood then, in which case apologies.

totally agree that it would be best if everyone was taught that bullying was unacceptable and totally agree that actually things sadly just aren't like that :/

Mind you, personally I think that it'd be best if the sure start programmes were rolled out again and if there was a great deal of investment in training support workers and in supporting vulnerable families where there is abuse or serious illness. I think that over a few decades society would change for the better. But that's pure pie in the sky.

Morphene Respectfully, you are an idiot. Speaking as a child who was bullied horrendously, all the P.C. airy fairy "everyone should be nice to each other" bollocks in the world wouldn't have helped me.

In my workplace, we are totally known/referred to by our initials all the time. Please don't raise an A.S.S.

change the order to SAS - nice tough sounding initials! then call her by her middle name

Add another middle name?