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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
CazM2012 · 10/01/2018 19:08

There are 4 years & 10 months between my 4, 18 months first gap, 19 months second gap & 21 months last time. Planned to be this close together and works well atm but smallest is about to turn 1 so who knows in the future. Wouldn’t change it.

User11011 · 10/01/2018 19:37

Conceived when DD was 16 months so there'll be 2ish years between them. This was my lower limit - absolutely not a minute less!

Strokethefurrywall · 10/01/2018 19:45

I always imagined 2 years would be ideal as there were exactly 2 years between my older sister and I, so I took that as the "golden age gap" - but when it came to it, I just wasn't at all ready to have another when DS was 15 months (he was an exhaustive handful physically) so decided to aim for approximate 3 year gap.

Ended up getting strong-armed by pregnant friends all saying "aw g'wan, you know you want another one..." and DH and I said fuck it. Consequently there is a 2.5 year gap between our boys. I have nothing to compare it to obviously but I'm of the opinion that the perfect age gap completely depends on the personality of the eldest child.

I really just wanted to enjoy DS1 for a while and I loved the first year with my babies so just wanted to savor each one by themselves rather than try and get it all over and done with.

mum2benicole · 10/01/2018 20:13

We started trying the week after my dd 1st birthday. fell quickly so we had a 3month old and a 2year old not a bad gap glad of how close they are but everyone is different xx

RaeCJ82 · 10/01/2018 20:43

I honestly don't think there's a perfect age gap. I think it depends on the personalities of the kids involved. There's a 4 year age gap between me and my brother. Yes we had moments when we would squabble growing up, but on the whole we got on really well and he was also very protective. We are very close now and I love him as a person, not just cos I have to because he's my brother.

paulweller73Murielswedding · 10/01/2018 20:57

19 months here. Ideally I'd have preferred a larger gap. I was an older first time parent though and didn't have the luxury of waiting longer really.

The first 2 years were so hard though. I was often in tears from the drudergy and lack of sleep.

Wallywobbles · 10/01/2018 21:06

15 months. Tough when they were small but good in the long run.

downsize · 10/01/2018 21:12

I'm pregnant again, so there will be a 14 month gap between mine. Was keen to get going sooner tbh!

Vanannabananna · 10/01/2018 21:18

DD will arrive when DS will be 2.8. Perfect gap for us.

Lindsxxx · 10/01/2018 21:32

Fourteen unplanned months between my two girls who are 4&5, they bicker and fight 50% of the time - the other 50% of the time they’re amazing together.
However. They would both ADORE it if we had another now!!
I had two years and one month between my older boy and girl and they had an amazing relationship.
I think it depends on the temperament of the child tbh. My third child at 14 months was VERY jealous of her baby sister despite us trying very hard to spend extra time with her (although baby was exceedingly needy)

Wizzwazzwas · 10/01/2018 21:37

I would say 4yrs is probably the optimum gap if you are patient. Obviously that's why our age gaps are 2 and a quarter- 2yrs 7 months Blush. We would have had two almost exactly 2yr gaps, but miscarriages happened each time. It's only looking back now I realise ours are all really close together, it seemed perfectly sensible at the time. Pros and cons to anything. Personally I wouldn't choose two under twos out of preference, as too much physical work when eldest still a baby really. Breastfeeding stopped my periods for too long though, and that was never an option for us because of that.

Ronnyhotdog · 10/01/2018 21:42

There’s 3.5yrs between my two. It was easy when ds2 was born as ds1 was quite independent and at full time nursery school. Ds1 adored his baby brother but as they grew they began to fight all the time, they had nothing in common. It’s only now at 18 & almost 15 they have began talking and enjoying each other’s company. I’m hoping they’ll be close as adults.
There’s 18 months between my sister & brother. They were very close and still are now but my sister was 8 when I was born. I had a very lonely childhood. It was hard to see my the 2 of them playing together, go out together while I was ignored. It’s still the same now we are adults, I’m the afterthought.

alibubbles · 10/01/2018 21:43

12 months and it was a doddle! Both slept through from 5 weeks, so I could forgive them anything else they felt necessary to present us with. One DD and one DS, but both easy until 15, 16, 17, ........

WoofWoofMooWoof · 10/01/2018 21:58

I didn't have much of a choice - there is one minute difference between DTD1 and DTD2.

justlliloleme · 10/01/2018 21:58

10 & a half years between mine. That seems just about perfect to me 😜

PussCatTheGoldfish · 10/01/2018 22:18

17 months between our two. We aimed for 15 month gap, just took a tiny bit longer.

Lovely gap. Play hard, argue hard. All good fun Grin.

PurplePenguins · 10/01/2018 22:22

6y between DS1 and DS2 (not be choice) 21m between DS2 and DS3 and 8y 3 m between DS3 and DS4. Do have trouble finding things that they all want to do. As DS1 was calming down and leaving the teenage tantrums DS2 and 3 were just beginning tho 😂

fia101 · 10/01/2018 22:32

17 months between 1 & 2 and they are great mates. Wasn't out of nappy mode with 1 when 2 arrived and still had all the kit so made it easier.

There will be 3.5 years between 2 and 3. I plan to have a fourth and would like to try ASAP after 4th born.

However when I had 1 & 2 I worked in public sector. Now I'm in private sector and if I returned to work after maternity pregnant I'd be pushed out - by no salary increase or promotion. I've seen it happen. My firm hates childbearing women.

DeadDoorpost · 10/01/2018 22:40

5 years. Maybe 10. Preferably never.

suzy2b · 10/01/2018 22:47

25mths didn't want them any closer got pregnant 2nd month of trying they were fine when they were young but from about 8 they never got on and didn't all through their teens and 20's not to bad now they are in their 30's although they don't live close to one another

LittleMouseontheDairy · 10/01/2018 23:06

DS1 turned 4 the same month DS2 was born. I love this gap. I’d had time to get myself back together physically and mentally after DS1 - and totally excited about doing it all again. Because DS1 started school 6 months after DS2 was born it meant I was on mat leave while he was settling into school, and also meant I had time with DS2 alone- breastfeeding, chilling, baby classes etc. Now they’re due to turn 6 and 2 and DS1 loves bossing little one and little one loves running after him and copying him!
People go on about short gaps being ideal and it might bring loads of benefits but there are definitely others to be had in longer gaps too.
I’d love 3 kids but I’m getting on and I really don’t like the idea of a short gap- which I’d need at this point!! (Although as DS2 is nearly 2 it’s not as short as many posters here!)

HollieMumOf3 · 10/01/2018 23:09

DS was 2.5 yrs old when I had DD1 then I fell pregnant on DD2 when DD1 was 12weeks 🙄 so now I have 6yr old 4yr old and 3yr old 2 eldest are brilliant together but DD2 argues with both and is always crying yet when all 3 are together...😥 but when she's on her own she's as good as gold I like the age gaps however I did feel tgat baby number 3 was a more tiering pregnancy with looking after a toddler and new born x x

Anxiousally · 10/01/2018 23:18

We're going to have a 22 month gap. I wanted 3 years but it's happened sooner than planned. We're really happy now and excited for our arrival in may but some have these posts do have me worried it's too small of a gap Sad

FreshHerbs · 10/01/2018 23:25

My oldest two are 10 months apart. They are both aged 6 at the moment with the oldest set to become 7 in a month.
The baby/toddler stage was a hard struggle. They look like twins and have never known life without each other. They constantly bicker but they do have a close bond.

flowa79 · 10/01/2018 23:43

11mths between eldest and middle and 2.5yrs between youngest and middle. Am currently 34wks pregnant and this gap will b 16yrs :) my eldest 3 were very hard when little but now in 20's and mid teens they get on amazingly so looking forward to having this lil un all to myself (if my daughter allows )