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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/01/2018 17:01

I'm one that wanted to get the baby stage out of the way and have them close together. When Ds3 was born, Ds1 was 4.2 and ds2 was 21 months. I wouldn't have wanted bigger gaps.

NC1990 · 09/01/2018 17:02

Can't say for sure as my first baby is only 2 months old but I think I'd like a 2.5-3 year age gap if we have another. DD is colicky and refluxy so that gives me enough time to try to forget how difficult I've found the newborn stage 😳

RiverRose · 09/01/2018 17:04

DC1 is 12, DC2 is 7 and will be 8 when DC3 arrives.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 09/01/2018 17:04

jonsnow not exactly the same but I had my third when my first was 4. She absolutely adores him, its also nice because she helped with little things like getting nappies etc and when we went to playgroups she would happily play while I dealt with baby and toddler

Mandraki · 09/01/2018 17:06

Erm..when hell freezes over!

Xuli · 09/01/2018 17:07

Nearly 5 years. I absolutely hated being pregnant and was very ill, I just couldn't face the idea of going through 9 months of that with a toddler. Even with a 4.5yo it was tough. Plus as others have said, the nursery fees - I personally wanted to continue working, and we couldn't have afforded it until we had some reduction in childcare costs because DD was at school.

I can see why people just get it out of the way though and go through 5 years of sleepless nights, nappies and tantrums. We're looking at a total of about 8-9 years of those Grin Plus I sometimes have found it hard going back to having a small, dependent child when you're used to a much more independent one. It's worse now DS is turning into a toddler and rampaging around the house constantly. Its a nightmare trying to find activities that suit both of them. Trust me, trying to do Hama Beads with a 14mo clawing at your legs to get up is no fun.

But then again, when DS was a newborn I could leave him in the room with 5yo DD and know that she probably wasn't going to sit on his head or feed him Playdoh or various things that a 18mo might do without realising!

MaryShelley1818 · 09/01/2018 17:11

My ideal age gap would be 4yrs - just as one has started school to enjoy full days with the little one.

In reality my current (and only) baby is 4wks old, and as I'm turning 40 in 4mths time, if we do want another we'll need to start trying probably by the end of this year!

thepatchworkcat · 09/01/2018 17:16

Thanks JonSnows, I’m due in June.

Morphene · 09/01/2018 17:22

Never....it turned out that babies and I don't get along....

It would be nice if you could find out if parenting is for you before you sign on the dotted line....in blood....

ethelfleda · 09/01/2018 17:22

Never! Ha! DS one is a dream but I still find it too hard to entertain having another one when he is young... and if we waited until he was at school it may be too late for me!

arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens · 09/01/2018 18:06

NRTWT but SIL had her two 11 months apart. If DN1 had been 3 days later they would have been in the same school year!

I spoke to the GP about trying again when DD was 12 months old but was advised against any further pregnancies. Most of my friends seem to have gaps of around 2 years with theirs though

WitchesHatRim · 09/01/2018 18:12

This is such a personal thing, nobody else can tell you when is the right time for you.

Completely agree.

Plus no two people's bodies are the same either.

Melmam · 09/01/2018 19:37

I have 15 month's between mine my first was just gone 6 months when I fell pregnant again. It was hard at the beginning as baby 2 was a difficult baby now they are 2 and 10 months and I love it they both play together and its amazing to watch as a mother my first loves his brother he says it's his baby he has never been jealous of him as I've always made sure he gets some one to one time with me and baby isn't taking over although it can be hard I wouldn't change it for the world. I was very anxious while pregnant as to how #1 would be ect and I kinda felt guilty that he would be so young but that completely went when I had him and see how he was with his baby brother.

oblada · 09/01/2018 19:48

Mine are 2.5 to 3yrs apart approx both times. I started having my period again at about 18months postpartum so couldn't have been much closer I did want about 2.5 to 3yrs age gap and we conceived very quickly each time. If you breastfeed it is common to not have periods for up to 20months and sometimes more, nature's way of telling you to 'take it easy' :)

Vonniemc19 · 09/01/2018 20:22

Can anyone advice me please or point me in right direction. My daughter is seperated from her husband he had a family arrangement order but has now decided that he isn't going to see children anymore. But has said he will turn up to school events. My six year old granddaughter had suffered through the trauma if get dads rejection. Also his Mother is very intimidating and turns up at school events which is distressing for my granddaughter. Can the school stop the grandmother for turning up at school I know they can't stop the father as he has parental responsibility thank you

Ihatepeelingoranges · 09/01/2018 20:35

3 DC, 1 & 2 14 months apart. Third DS was born when DD was 2.5 years old.

elmo1990 · 09/01/2018 21:24

It depends on personal circumstances, we started trying at the point where if I got pregnant immediately dd1 would get the 3 year old funding when I finished maternity leave, as it happens it took 8 months to conceive with dd1 turned 3 in June and dd2 was born 4 months later in October. I wouldn't have wanted to have two in nappies though

Daniellez1990 · 09/01/2018 21:31

Hi all after some advice.. My husband an I are considering another baby.. We have a six year old who loves being an only child an when asked if she would like a brother or sister point blank states she does not.. The other day I made it a bit more formal an asked her about having a sibling an said mummy an daddy might like a brother or sister for you.. She started crying an said I really don't want you to.. I will feel sad an like you won't pay me any attention.. I hate the idea that she thinks like this an I've gave her lots of reassurance but it almost made it worse like I was confirming it was going to happen.. I think we both would really like another but am so worried how it's going to change our family she is sensation I just carnt seem to see a situation where she would be happy with it don't know if am over thinking it I would just hate it that it made her so unhappy any advice on how to maybe bring her round to the idea or how I can make sure she doesn't feel pushed out if it does happen any advice greatly appreciated

TittyGolightly · 09/01/2018 21:54

What are your reasons for wanting another child, Danielle?

Wally1983 · 09/01/2018 23:57

I have to stepkids 19 & nearly 17, eldest lived with us until he moved out due to career choice just 6 months ago. We have a 7.5 yr old and have been Ttc for a good few months now. I haven’t as such said to any of them that they’ll have another sibling but always said we might. with the 7yo i’ve Spoke very highly of how amazing he’d be if he was a big brother so if it does happen he won’t get too much of a shock 😂. He is fantastic with younger children and babies and honestly think he’ll be awesome if the time comes but part of me does think he’s more or less been treated as an only child with the age gaps already so he may struggle with having to share us. I guess only time will tell..

Daniellez1990 Could you do the same? I think she needs made aware it could happen and if it does not much changes, she’ll always be the grown up etc. why shouldn’t you if that’s what you and your partner want?

3boysandababyontheway · 10/01/2018 07:16

There is only 11months between my 1st and 2nd child. I had a section at 31 weeks with my 1st and clearly contraception was the last thing on my mind when my youngest was in the neonatal unit and I fell pregnant again. I had my 2nd section the following year, 11 months to the day that I had my 1st. 22months later I had my 3rd and I will have my 4th 18 months after that 🙈 If you do choose to have your children close together routine is vital.

pacempercutiens · 10/01/2018 08:24

My first is 3 months old and we're looking at an 18-24 month age gap, then (finances willing) waiting 4-5 years then another 2 with a similar age gap.
We'd like them to be into similar things so that they can play together and have a friend.

I'm one of 4 (3 girls 1 boy), gaps are 18 months, 21 months, then 33 months. I got on well with them all when I was young, but am closest to my brother now we're all adults (hes is the youngest and I'm the eldest - 6 year 2 month age gap) I think it's more to do with personality than the age gap though

I worry sometimes about the age gap for my children, but without hindsight how can we know if their personalities suit a smaller or larger gap!

Daniellez1990 · 10/01/2018 13:34

TittyGolightly... My husband an I have just been considering it but it's becoming more an more like we both want it, With my husbands job we move around every few years.. An I worry my daughter won't have anyone permanent except us in her life but with a brother or sister they will always have each other. She would be an amazing sister she's so good with other children but still hates the idea of being one xxx

hollowtree · 10/01/2018 14:38

God I'm so broody already!

DD is 4 months old... pregnancy was AWFUL and birth utterly traumatic. But for some insane reason my body is nagging me.

But no, I want to enjoy this special time with her first. I'm going to wait until the 18 month mark until TTC.

But SO tempting. Babies are lovely ♡

UsernameInvalid66 · 10/01/2018 14:54

It took us 3 years to conceive DC1, for no obvious reason they could find. We therefore started TTC DC2 the earliest we thought we could possibly cope with another baby - when DC1 was 6 months old - thinking it wasn't likely to happen for ages. In fact DC2 was conceived when DC1 was about 10 months old so they are 19 months apart (and 1 school year apart). I'd say that age gap was probably harder than a bigger one for no more than a year, maybe less, and after that it was a positive advantage, as the kids were quite good companions for each other from toddlerhood onwards.