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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 09/01/2018 12:18

Had a 26 month gap. It was so hard. Older child was walking but couldn’t go far so I was constantly trying to work out how to get out of the house. Double pram, single, sling etc. Potty training whilst breastfeeding was a nightmare.
If I wanted a third I’d probably go for a 3 or 4 year gap. But I am just starting to enjoy getting my life back so there won’t be a third.

EmmaJR1 · 09/01/2018 12:19

My son will be 13 months when his little brother is born. I find the baby months hard so I'm glad they will be over and done with quickly!

AHungryMum · 09/01/2018 12:23

Due with first one in about a month!

Aiming to have a second one roughly two years after the first. Would probably have gone for three years apart but I'm 37 now and husband is 41, time is not exactly on our side and if we have them much later I think we'd just be too old and knackered to cope with running around after two small kids tbh! I wouldn't want to be having a second one much later than 40, kids are too tiring to deal with after a certain age!

Lules · 09/01/2018 12:25

I have 24 months. Started TTC when 1st was a year old. I was advised to leave it a year between pregnancies and I only found things got easier about that point but I wanted to get having babies done with while I was still used to disrupted sleep, nappies etc and for career reasons.

Pregnancy was awful as I had hyperemesis but it’s been fine if tiring since he was born.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 09/01/2018 12:40

This is such a personal thing, nobody else can tell you when is the right time for you.

I had three under two years old. An almost two, a one year old and a new born. For me this was perfect. For others having three under two would be the worst thing ever.

There are pros and cons to both having babies close, having big gaps, having huge gaps and having an only child. Only you know when the time is right for you.

halfwitpicker · 09/01/2018 12:54

3 years between my two.

Seems a good gap, they play together and DS (older) is not in that chaotic toddler rampant stage and will actually sit still. He'll also help out too - brings wipes, nappies etc.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 09/01/2018 12:55

I have 21 months between 1 & 2, currently pregnant with number 3 and there will be 20 months between 2 & 3 based on due date. Both 1 & 2 are good sleepers most of the time so that helped make the decision to have another. I'm a SAHM so no childcare costs to consider either. 1 & 2 have their moments where they don't get along but have started to play really nicely together and I can really see a bond forming (now aged 3 yrs & 15 months). I found the first six months with two hard but it can't have been that bad because I'm having the same gap again! It's great because they play with the same toys, play in the same area in a soft play, etc. There are two years between me and each of my siblings and we are all close as adults. I've found with my friennds that it largely depends on how easy your pregnancies and births have been and how well your child sleeps plus childcare costs which help to decide the right age gap for each family.

MustBeThursday · 09/01/2018 13:23

DD1 was 3 when DD2 was born. I would have preferred a slightly bigger gap, to be honest, but that's largely due to DD1's delayed language and other behaviours (currently being assessed) that makes it difficult. I also feel like it would be easier if it had been another year so she was in school all day not just mornings. However there are 3 years between me and my brother and that was good.

There is nearly 21 years between me and my half sister though - she likes playing with my DC who are only a few years younger, but we don't have a "sibling" relationship like I have with my brother.

Spartaca · 09/01/2018 13:39

Neither age gap has resulted in jealousy here tbh. At 21 months DD adored her baby brother, and while they argue of course they are incredibly close at 7 and 5.5.

Now #3 has come along and again, they adore him. No resentment at all. Of course as he gets older and interferes more that may change.

Cineraria · 09/01/2018 14:01

Ideally I'd have had my second one after the first started school but I felt I was too old to risk that at over forty so we tried again as soon as my cycle returned when DS1 reduced night feeding significantly at 5 months. I got pregnant a couple of months later, miscarried and started trying again as soon as my cycle returned from that (it was a few months as DS1 was still a frequent feeder). Got pregnant quickly again and DS2 was born the week of DS1's second birthday.

The gap is nice for them as both like baby toys and DS1 has no jealousy and lots of love for his baby brother but I still feel that I'd like to have had more one-to-one time with each of them as babies and toddlers.

bonbonours · 09/01/2018 14:13

22 months between dc1 and dc2 then 2.5 years before dc3. Would have had number3 sooner but had an operation which delayed things. Having small age gaps is hard work when they are little (I was breastfeeding and potty training at the same time) but it's better when they older. My friend has 5 years between each of her three and it's really hard to find things that will entertain a 5 year old, 10 year old and 15 year old.

Plus you have to keep going back. I never left nappies and baby stage until the youngest was out of it. I don't think I would have liked starting again once you've been able to move on.

Love it now mine are all old enough to be a bit self reliant. I love babies but doing it all again now would make our lives difficult.

maddnessintheroost · 09/01/2018 14:36

I would have tried again as soon as the stitches fell out after 3 weeks! DH convinced me to wait until DS is 2 which turned out to be the best decision (both for my career and relationships all round :))

Jonsnowscodpiece · 09/01/2018 14:50

Curious to see if anyone’s got a 4 year age gap and how that’s worked out. DD will be 4 in the summer at the same time as new baby comes along.

thepatchworkcat · 09/01/2018 15:03

There will be 5.5 years between mine when DC2 arrives later in the year. I couldn’t even entertain the notion of another one until a few months ago. We just found it all so hard and never felt ready, in fact we debated sticking with one for a while. I’m thrilled we’re having another but this is absolutely the right age gap for us. I’ve loved our time as a three and am glad DS1 is at school so I’ll get plenty of 1-1 time with DC2. And hopefully he can help a bit! Going back to nappies and night feeds after so long is a bit daunting I’ll admit!

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 09/01/2018 15:11

11 months between dd1 and ds. They are 12 and 11 now, although in September they are the same age for just over a month, thankfully they were born in October and the following September so not in the same school year. They called themselves best friends when they were little and are still very close now, it's lovely.

elliejjtiny · 09/01/2018 15:28

My youngest 2 are 12 months apart. We had a few nightmare times in the early days and a lot of things are still hard now they are 3 and 4 but its the best age gap for us I think. My 4 year old has been in and out of hospital a lot and while it was hard with a 14 month old and a 2 month old in hospital together, now I can leave my 3 year old with dh and just concentrate on my 4 year old. It would be really hard to manage 4 year old ds and a breastfed baby/1 year old in hospital together.

popcorntime1 · 09/01/2018 15:40

2 yrs 10 months here. No real reason apart from I knew I wanted more than 2, I don’t enjoy pregnancy & that’s when I felt ready. Works really well for us.

DC 2 was a CS at 38w (yes to lots of lochia) so might aim for 2.6-2.8. I hate the 1-2 phase though.

My friend who’s a surgeon thinks a bigger gap is better to reduce risk of a prolapse, etc. I think do what works for you.

Jonsnowscodpiece · 09/01/2018 15:53

Thepatchworkcat I feel exactly the same. When are you due? Congratulations.

snowpo · 09/01/2018 16:20

Mine are 11 months apart, not planned. Goods - I managed to get them to have day naps at the same time & I slept too, got all the baby stuff out of the way at once, they could do the same activities. Bads - carrying a big baby around while pregnant, and I feel like I 'missed' some of the enjoying baby/toddler stages as no. 2 came along. It would have done my sanity good not to have back to back maternity leave.
Also if ds1 hadn't been born a week early they would have been in the same class at school which wouldn't have been great for them.

SMarie123 · 09/01/2018 16:23

Hello, I have a three month old and a 22 month old. I love having them one to one but struggle when it is two to me!

Tell me when did it get easier for you? Does it get worse before it gets better....?

NKFell · 09/01/2018 16:37

Mine are 8yrs old, 5yrs, 2yrs and 10 months so 3 years with first 3 and then 19 months between the last one and the one before.

I found and still find 3 years apart fine- I must say I found the last one the hardest but it was the whole package that was stressful rather than just the two youngest! Settling down a bit now thank God Grin

AppyForts · 09/01/2018 16:41

When I was pregnant with DC1 I remember thinking I wanted a really small age gap, maybe 14-18 months. Then he was born and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted a second! The sleep deprivation was a big shock to my system!

In the end, we started tying when he was about 2.5 yrs old, I got pregnant quickly, but had a miscarriage.

DC2 was born when our first was 3 yrs 9 months. It worked well for us. DC2 was out of the buggy, out of nappies and at nursery, so I had lots of lovely time with baby DC2. I don’t think I personally would’ve been cut out of for a double buggy, two sets of nappies, two babies potentially waking in the night etc! But we are all different.

Butterflyhulk · 09/01/2018 16:52

For those asking about the 4 year age gap I had ds 3 months after dd turned 4 and it was great, she was old enough to understand to be careful around him and she lived to be a little helper and wanted to do everything for him, she started full time school just 2 weeks after he was born so I had plenty of time in the day with the baby now they are 7 and 3 and love playing together and rarely fall out.

My sil had her 2 babies just 9 months apart she got pg when LG was 4 weeks old and had her lb 4 weeks early, they will be in different years at school but it's like they are twins she says it's easier but don't think I could do it

yellowplumpreserves · 09/01/2018 16:57

I have four DC. There is a 22 month gap between DD1 and DD2, 29 month between DD2 and DD3 and another 29 between DD3 and DD4. While I would change anything I think the longer gap was a hot easier. Perhaps round about 2.5 years is a nice gap.

NooNooHead1981 · 09/01/2018 16:57

I'm 16w5d and due in June with DC2. My DD is 7 tomorrow so there will be 7.5 years between them! I must be one of mums with the biggest age gaps for children here! I'm really glad my DD is so independent and happy but I don't know how I will cope with going back to sleepless nights and nappies again...!