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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
DollyLlama · 09/01/2018 10:59

2 1/2 year age gap here. My baby is much easier than my toddler! I wish I’d had them much closer together.

Iprefercoffeetotea · 09/01/2018 11:00

Ideally you should have at least a year between stopping breastfeeding and your next pregnancy to give your body ample chance to recover.

jellycat1 · 09/01/2018 11:00

17 months between mine. 2 vaginal births. Both enormous baby boys. No problems. No incontinence! They are so lovely together....most of the time :)

WanderingTrolley1 · 09/01/2018 11:01

12 months. Drove me to the brink!

PinkyBlunder · 09/01/2018 11:02

I’m having an ELCS in a couple of weeks at 39+1. I begged the consultant to do it at 38. It was a resounding and deadly serious ‘no’.

I don’t understand all the negativity about bigger age gaps or at least ‘it’s better to have a smaller age gap.’ Obviously I’ve not had the new one yet but sharing the experience with DD who can understand what’s going on and watching her so excited and be involved in preparing for the arrival has been magical. She’s absolutely in love with the baby already.

Of course that’s all likely to change in the near future and she’ll hate them Grin I’ve seen that happen with much smaller age gaps too though!

Halfdrankbrew · 09/01/2018 11:02

I got pregnant with my second when my eldest was 9 month old, there's exactly 18 months between them. It's hard (they are 2 and 6 months now) but I absolutely love it. The plan was to have a 2 year gap, so it was a bit sooner than we intended.

We want another and (I) would love to have another 18 month gap but I need to focus on my career a little having taken almost 2 years out, I was only back a few months between them. My husband also thinks it'd be mental to have 3 under 3, he's probably right, I just don't want to leave it too late as we're mid 30s. Hmm I probably am a little broody, need to keep reminding myself I have a 6 month old!!!

Thissameearth · 09/01/2018 11:05

Agreed @lallypopstick a lot of people think with c section you get no lochia but yup you do and mine's lasted good 5/6 weeks too though at lot lighter towards the end? Think I was told not to have sex until it had stopped due to infection risk. No worries there at all! #legscrossed

hollowtree · 09/01/2018 11:05

Watching with interest...

ScarecrowHair · 09/01/2018 11:07

My eldest two children are 18 months apart, if I was to do it again I would wait until the eldest was in school. I feel like I missed out on dc1’s toddler years because my time was taken up so much by dc2.

hellsbells99 · 09/01/2018 11:12

13 months gap and I am feeling the financial hit as they are now both at university.
They are very close friends which is lovely

theEagleIsLost · 09/01/2018 11:18

Having you children as close as possible to "get your freedom back", so many many people have said to me,

Circumstances conspired to make me being a SAHM best option with pfb - (lost job in pg, only got temp work while pg, shortage of childcare places where we were) so we naively thought a close gap would reduce impact on my career and more chance we could afford for me to be a SAHM for all the children at least past babyhood.

I’ve had people say the above to us – but actually it was so I could be around more and having just one career to work round meant DH got to see then more as we could move round with him and I was around to facilitate such things.

If we'd both been working childcare costs would have necessitated bigger gaps.

SleepingBooty · 09/01/2018 11:20

4 years. I couldn't comtemplate another one any sooner. I thought all those that did were super women.

NoWordForFluffy · 09/01/2018 11:25

I had DS by planned section at 38 weeks (their dates, 37 by mine) due to unstable lie. He'd have been born by ELCS at 39 weeks (again, their dates) otherwise. I'm perfectly aware how ELCS work!

But still, a pregnancy doesn't last 10 months (unless you think that every month has 4 weeks only, which it doesn't, as if it did there'd be 13 months in a year).

AC14MUZ · 09/01/2018 11:43

I fell pregnant when my DS was about 4 months old. I'm due any day now and there will be a 13 month age gap. @HughLauriesStubble when did it start to get easier? I swing from being terrified and then super excited! I am prepared for a lot of hard work in the coming months/year...

Original poster
PennyBBT · 09/01/2018 11:45

I don't know how anyone would want to have sex 3, 4 or 5 months after giving birth! (Lack of sleep, emotionally tired and recovery) x

OP posts:
Notso · 09/01/2018 11:46

I was ready for DC2 when DC1 was 2. DH however needed another year and lack of periods for a while after depo meant DC1 was 4.4 when DC2 was born.
Then there's 6.3 years between DC2 and DC3 due to DH initially being adamant he didn't want a third then changing his mind.
16 months between DC3 and DC4. I'd never have contemplated this gap it was a mistake but they are very close.

There's pros and gone to different age gaps. I think ultimately it's more to do with personalities if your children get on or not

itsonlysubterfuge · 09/01/2018 11:48

nowordforfluffy I was pregnant for 9.7 months that's closer to 10 months than 9.

LuckyAmy1986 · 09/01/2018 11:48

I got pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 3 months old. It was planned, and has all worked out great. Although giving birth twice in 12 months has put me off for life ha! (lucky really as we only wanted two!)

Notso · 09/01/2018 11:49

Returning to sex was never an issue for me I was always waiting impatiently for the bleeding to stop so we could do it again.

BabyCute · 09/01/2018 11:51

I had twins 15 years ago and guess what, I had my baby #3 four months ago. Of course he was not planned but was such a sweet surprise as I have had fertility issues and twins were conceived through IVF. You need to look at your circumstances and whatever gap is right for you. Good luck. Smile

RaeCJ82 · 09/01/2018 11:54

DD is 7.5 months. I don't even want to think about another yet. We are in teething hell at the moment. I miss my old life. If we do have another then I want at least a 3 year gap, but that would have me only a couple of years off 40.

bobstersmum · 09/01/2018 12:01

Asap! Our first two have just less than a year gap, I found it easier having another while the house is already all baby proofed etc.

LuchiMangsho · 09/01/2018 12:08

Meh. I wanted a 3 year gap. I have a 5 year one. It's brilliant. DS1 adores DS2 and its reciprocated. One set of childcare fees. I had time alone with DS2. It helps that DS1 is calm and sensible (DS2 is most certainly not). And his pride is incredible. The first time he took some steps holding DS1's hand, his face absolutely lit up. He reads him a story in the morning while I do chores or have a shower. Yes there are hard bits (DS2 is constantly destroying DS1's board games and DS2 has to tag along a bit to stuff for DS1) but that's just part of family life. I wanted DC1 one to be properly potty trained and sleeping through the night before contemplating another.

Wishingandwaiting · 09/01/2018 12:14

2.7

Perfect. Would recommend.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 09/01/2018 12:16

It took me two and a half years to be anywhere near ready to try again. Mind you I did have HG first time round. Got pregnant by accident and had a miscarriage, then realised I actually did want another. So now pregnant again. The gap will be just under four years.