To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

[PennyBBT]

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

An I worry my daughter won't have anyone permanent except us in her life but with a brother or sister they will always have each other. She would be an amazing sister she's so good with other children but still hates the idea of being one

That’s a hell of an assumption. There’s no guarantee of it. My parents felt the same and my sibling and I absolutely hate each other. My mum told me she had my sister so I would always have someone - I told her I’d have preferred to be an only.

DH has 3 younger siblings and isn’t close to any of them.

Our daughter is an only because of our experiences. Perhaps yours has a point. ;)

My oldest two are 10months apart, in the same school year. Madness at the time but perfectly alright now 20 years on.

TittyGolightly ino it's an assumption but I do think she would enjoy being a sister.. an this is why I am so torn because hubby an I would like one but also don't want to dismiss her opinion and would feel so selfish having one knowing it upsets her an there something in me that make me think am giving her to much of a choice with it I don't want us to look back in regret I honestly didn't think considering a child would be so hard xxx

I haven't read the entire thread so perhaps this has been said, but want to add that YOU are probably the more important part of the equation. Kids deal with their situation as it comes; adults have to seriously adjust their way of life for one, two or however many kids. Some people can handle the guilt of prioritising. Some have all the patience in the world. Some feel fulfilled by being parents. Others cry their days away trying to make it good for both or all the children. Berate themselves endlessly for losing their tempers. Wish for their independence back again. It's probably easier being yourself and treating yourself kindly if the kids are spaced further apart.

Never! The thought of ever having to go through all that again makes me physically shake. I love DS so much but never again!

Have one dd and absolutely no plans for any more. She's coming up for four now and I don't think I'll change my mind.

Saucyjack. 3 years is not a terrible age gap at all. It has worked and is still working brilliantly for us. My two have a lovely relationship. It meant I had a whole year off work with DS before he started school too as I was on May leave. He still went to nursery 2 days as he loved it and so it then meant I had 1:1 time with DD. Also meant I was only ever paying one lot of nursery fees!! Now they are 10 & 7 and they adore each other, he's very protective. Yes they bicker but that happens with any age gap. My DH is middle child with one 16 mths older and one 16 mths younger. Sounded crazy to me but worked for MIL.

Mine will be 15 months apart when Iv had this one 😁

DS is 5, planning another in about 12 months and another soon after. If we are lucky of course. I don't want to leave work for a baby again yet (took the full 5 years for DS) and want to complete my master's first. For what it's worth I think now that 18mths is ideal if you are able to do that and we are aiming for that between DC's 2 & 3. I'm 37 this October so I'm aware times short (maybe another reason to go 18mths unless you're under 30). That's just my 2 cents. Sorry to be cheesy but it's one of those, "when it's right for you..." things in my opinion.

I got pregnant with the second just before the first turned 2 so I have a 2.5 year gap. I couldn’t mentally have coped with getting pregnant any sooner.

Danielle I think you need to do what you and hubby want, your daughter will be fine same as all other children who have siblings.

There is 10 month and 26 days between my youngest 2. Who love to confuse people for they end up the same age for 1 month and 5 days each year between there birthdays in telling people that even tho they ar3 the same age they aren’t twins.

DD1 was 18 months when we had DS1. DD1 was 3 years 8 months when DS2 came along. 3 under the age of 4! DD2 came when DD1 was 20 Years old!!! Not sure which was more tiring the older 3 or the youngest 1 😂

Never! we had always planned to have 2 but have 100% decided not to have another one. I just can’t imagine having to go back to sleepless nights and nappy changes!

Midwives and doctors recommend 3 years for the body to fully recover.

27 months between 1 and 2 but almost 8 years between 2 and 3. Now grown up and 2 and 3 both boys far closer and go to cinema and do stuff together.

I got pg when DC4 was just 4 months-not planned! And was twins - but it worked out well in the end. I hadn't wanted more DC, partly because I wanted to get my career back on track (other reasons too) and fortunately the small age gap meant not so much time off.

However, my older one's age gaps are 2.5yrs, 4yrs, and 4yrs again. The 4 yr gaps were definitely easier in terms of not having a toddler/baby and a newborn at once, and easier during pregnancy as they are more independent and you don't need to physically pick them up, etc as much. But they are less close now than the ones who are closer in age.

The first 4 were planned btw

There is no ideal. Every child and family is different. Two families with kids exactly the same age will have completely different experiences. There are 18months between my brother and I and we are NC. I wish I had been an only.

My first 2 are 18 months apart and I had a third when oldest was just turned 4 and middle one 2.5. There are pros and cons to all gaps. Life was pretty hectic when little one started crawling really early but it's much easier now as they entertain each other and are interested in roughly the same books, tv, family activities etc. Also means I'll go through all stages only once- nappies lasted about 7 years but then it was over forever. All are now at primary school and they really watch out for and help each other. I love the element of chaos and wouldn't have it any other way!

3 years worked well. One started school when I went back to work.
Practical viewpoint but finances matter

My DD was 2.5 years when we started trying for our second, she was 3 when we had my DS and she adores him and loves helping. She will pass the wipes and put his dirty nappy in the bin. She will fetch anything for him if we ask and even if we don't she will bring things of his saying "This is my little brothers he needs it." He is 16 weeks now and you can tell he adores her by the way he looks at her. This was my reasoning for having that age difference. I thought she would be able to understand more, be able to help, so She didn't feel as pushed out and we would have a year at home together before she started school, so they could bond. This worked well for us.
It all depends on you and you DC I think.

Glad Josie is also pointing out benefits of a 3 year gap. How can anyone says it's terrible unless they have done it (and regret it)

2 Years 3 months between my two. It’s been so hard. Obviously wouldn’t change them for the world but I wish the gap was a lot larger.

I'm aiming for a 3yr gap as I'm hopeful ds would be out the baby phase by then, sleeping more reliably and potty trained but we shall see Means starting ttc at the end of this year. Also at 3yo he'd get his free nursery hours.

My first 2 are exactly 3yrs apart and that was the perfect gap for me. DC1 was very independent and started pre-school when DC2 was 3 months old, so perfect really. The gap between DC2 and DC3 was over 6 years but that’s the way it worked out due to me having multiple MC’s. It was planned to be 3 yrs again!

There is 22 months between me and my brother. Suited my parents, obviously, but I really hated it my whole childhood.