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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
Cyclewidow46 · 08/01/2018 23:47

4 years between DC1 and DC2.
12 months between DC2 and DC3.

To be honest I didn't find either age gap particularly easier or harder.

DC1 had started school when DC2 arrived and so I had the school run to deal with but then just DC2 and I at home during the day.

DC3 born day before DC2's first birthday so then we were definitely in 'baby mode' during the day. We all napped after lunch and my batteries were recharged!

tamepanda · 08/01/2018 23:49

Fell pregnant with DS Just before DD turned 1 so 21 months between them. 10 weeks into two under two and we're all still alive and clean. Would like to be pregnant again with DC3 by the end of this year. I'll be 33 and DP 45 this year so DP doesn't want to much longer if we decide to add another one to our family.

NoWordForFluffy · 09/01/2018 07:47

I would've had them closer (10 months)

Basic biology would suggest that’s not a brilliant idea.

Would it? Where's your scientifically-backed evidence for this?

There's loads of us with a small age gap on here. We may be vaguely bonkers, but absolutely no HCP has ever said that I was flying in the face of 'basic biology'.

DixieNormas · 09/01/2018 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splendide · 09/01/2018 08:49

We may be vaguely bonkers, but absolutely no HCP has ever said that I was flying in the face of 'basic biology'.

It’s a very unlikely gap in nature (for want of a better word!) but I don’t think many of us run our lives that way anyway so can’t see why a small gap in particular should be criticised. I’m 38 with one 3 year old - flying firmly in the face of biology here.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 09/01/2018 08:56

DS1 was 21 months when DS2 was born. It was bloody hard and I found the buggy situation the worst thing really - double buggy/buggy plus sling plus buggy board.

DS3 came along when DS1 was 5 and starting school and DS2 was 3 and starting nursery.

All pretty close in age. They are 11, 9 and 6 now and honestly a toddler and baby was very hard but DS1 was a pretty chilled toddler. If DS2 had been first then I might have waited for the 3 year gap for some nursery.

GrumpyOldBagFace · 09/01/2018 09:05

A small age gap means I get to enjoy seeing my two babies grow up together and interact and play and share and giggle together about silly things that they find funny because they're developmentally similar.

I didn't enjoy one and then move him aside to make way for another.

And it isn't against basic biologically!

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/01/2018 09:15

There's a lot to be said for bigger age gaps. 6 years between ds and dd. I enjoyed having all that time with him one to one and as he went to school, found friends he enjoyed being with more than us and became generally more independent, it felt he'd matured enough to adapt well to a young sibling. The transition from 1 to 2 was relatively easy because ds was capable of reasoning with and, practically, the childcare bill was more manageable and ds was more independent in terms of personal care (little things like being able to leave him in the bath alone for a few mins, getting himself ready for school, doing what we ask of him etc).

Ds adores dd and is a great help to me and dh too. He wants to be involved in her care and, given the choice, he'd rather play with her than find and play with other kids when out for an evening or on holiday. His reaction when she took her first steps was absolutely priceless. He's also never shown any jealousy towards her - he doesn't view her as 'competition'. And he's certainly never felt that we 'moved him aside to make way for another'.

TrinitySquirrel · 09/01/2018 09:21

@saucyjack that's not true. An 18m old can absolutely loathe a new baby and it can be an awful age gap to handle.

My sister hated me from the word go until we were about 22/24yrs old. She was the middle child then though so that could also be it.

MaddeningtheUnhelpful · 09/01/2018 09:22

16 months between my eldest and middle. Was lovely, no sibling rivalry at all. 3 years between middle and last, so that was horrendous! Jealously all the way between those two! And it has remained strained with those two 3 years on 😑

NoWordForFluffy · 09/01/2018 09:23

I was 36 when I had my first and didn't want to risk a big gap in case it just didn't happen. I also didn't want to be pregnant past 40. (There was also the need - in my head - to try to sort my psychological issues out after DD's disaster birth, and I thought a better birth - planned ELCS - would help!)

So many reasons for our small age gap. And I agree with PP that watching them grow up together is brilliant. They have loads of fun with creative play together and we enjoy watching them play!

TrinitySquirrel · 09/01/2018 09:24

@nowordforfluffy because that would mean getting knocked up the week you gave birth, perhaps?!

MrsKoala · 09/01/2018 09:26

My 3 are all 2 years apart. DS1 and DS2 were both 15 months old when i got pregnant with the next. it's hard but they are all really close and adore each other. None were put out by the next one arriving. DD is now 14 months old and the boys are asking if i can have another baby - No is the answer!

MrsKoala · 09/01/2018 09:28

I still haven't had a period 14 months on so i'm not sure if i even could get pregnant now with the same 2 year gap - Not that i'd risk it.

CrackersForlt · 09/01/2018 09:32

19 months gap here, and had a miscarriage in between.

It was perfect for us, and my children are very good friends as well as siblings, with lots of shared interests.

Hippydippydoo · 09/01/2018 09:35

My dd is 11 months old and I am 6 months pregnant.

We wanted them close for a number of reasons. Our biggest driver was not wanting our freedom back until it was back for good, therefore seen as we aren't getting much sleep right now we might as well continue!

Hopefully they will be good friends, be a year below each other at school, into the same things.

Personally, if I waited too long I dont think I'd want to go back to baby land.

NoWordForFluffy · 09/01/2018 10:04

@nowordforfluffy because that would mean getting knocked up the week you gave birth, perhaps?!

Last I heard pregnancy lasts 9 months, not 10. Plus an ELCS takes place before 40 weeks.

I think you need to check your figures.

And there are people who get 'knocked up' (delightful turn of phrase) that quickly. Not me, however!

Myheartbelongsto · 09/01/2018 10:14

My first two are 10 months apart. I would never do this again!

theEagleIsLost · 09/01/2018 10:28

We asked the MWs after our first how soon was advisable to try for a second - they reckon as I'd had a straight forward birth and pg 12 months was earliest they’d advise. They said it gave my body a chance to recover and re-build vitamin and mineral stores – though I was bf till pfb self -weaned at start of next pg which apparently can happen as milk can change.

So we have a gap of 20 months between first two and just over at 24 months between second and third.

HV when we moved was horrified at such a small gap and did go on about how undesirable it was - though I had many issues with her.

Very little sibling rivalry or jealously - but hard to say if it's the gap or personalities. It's worked well for us and the children are close and doing well generally.

My Dc went to school with two sisters with 9 month between – though mother there was pleased they were in different school years to avoid comparisons between them.

There was a woman went to same children centre as us who had a gap of 8 months between her two children – which most people said wasn’t possible but it apparently involved an extreme early birth with first and a very early birth with second.

Lazypuppy · 09/01/2018 10:39

I'm due my 1st in 2 weeks and plan to have at least 4/5 years before next one. I want to be able to focus on this baby, then I will get same 1-2-1 time with 2nd baby when she is in primary school.

nannybeach · 09/01/2018 10:45

Having you children as close as possible to "get your freedom back", so many many people have said to me, they wanted heir kids close together to "get it all over with". There were many complicated circumstances as to why mine were born when they were. it never caused a problem for me, I did read a big American study I think in the early 80s, which said the best psychological age gap you could have bwtween your children was 5 years. I had already had my first 3 by the time I read this. Course, some people have just one, some people take years to get pregnant, one cannot always plan these things.

Thissameearth · 09/01/2018 10:52

@nowordforfluffy I had ELCS late last year at 39 plus 5. The consultant said the starting point is no ELCS earlier than 39 weeks (better for baby) and so they find a suitable date on/after 39 weeks has passed. However if you spontaneously go into labour before then they will offer c section if possible.

Lallypopstick · 09/01/2018 10:56

I had an EMCS and was told that it’s best to not get pregnant for a year. The six weeks of lochia after having the baby meant that sex was the last thing on my mind anyway.

areyoubeingserviced · 09/01/2018 10:56

Less than two years between each of my three . I wanted them close so that I could get the baby phase over and done with.
Furthermore, I didn’t want to be doing the school run for years .
It was difficult when they were very young , but so much easier now that they are teens