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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when's the soonest after having a baby you'd have another?

238 replies

PennyBBT · 08/01/2018 21:24

My friend says 18 months old is when you should start trying again. Some say more years and some say soon as possible! Obviously it's totally personal opinion but how soon have you had another baby/would want to? X

OP posts:
Chattycat78 · 08/01/2018 22:32

16.5 month age gap here. I wanted 2 but ds1 was an ivf baby and we had the impression it was going to be difficult to get pregnant naturally so we tried as soon as my period came back. 2 weeks later I was staring at a bfp!Shock

The first year was very very tough tbh. Ds1 was still a baby, couldn’t be reasoned with and would hit me and kick me as I tried to breastfeed. It’s getting easier now they are 3 and 19 months and the first glimpses of them actually playing together and amusing each other are starting to appear!

It isn’t the age gap I would have chosen, but I absolutely can’t complain given that i wasn’t even sure if a second baby was possible!

I reckon there are advantages for every age gap, and at the end of the day, Mother Nature is in charge of these things and usually you don’t get to choose.

TittyGolightly · 08/01/2018 22:32

Take your pick between 100 years/not in this millenium/never.

Halebeke425 · 08/01/2018 22:34

Three years between first two which I planned and six years between second and third (decided to have 3Rd and last child later, was originally going to stop at 2)

Personally I wouldn't do any closer than three years and if I was to have another, which I'm not, I'd wait till youngest was in school. I find the baby stage all consuming enough as it is, I couldn't cope with a baby and a small toddler and I enjoy spending quality 121 time with each child. My sister and I have a three year gap and are very close, there's about 18 months to two years gap between my partner and each of his siblings and he is not close to any of them in fact he has nothing but negative memories of his younger brother when they were growing up as despite being close in age their personalities were so very different and they just didn't get on. They get on ok now but aren't close at all, their just too different. You can't always account for their personality regardless of age.

But everyone's different, do whatever works for you their's only 'perfect' for each individual family no one size fits all approach.

TittyGolightly · 08/01/2018 22:35

3 years between my younger sister and I. We fucking hate each other.

DH has 3 younger brothers, 1.5, 4 and 8 year gaps. He’s closest to the youngest.

TittyGolightly · 08/01/2018 22:36

I would've had them closer (10 months)

Basic biology would suggest that’s not a brilliant idea.

ChippyMinton · 08/01/2018 22:37

I had three in 2yrs 4 months.
The first few years are a blur...wouldn’t have it any other way though.

Kahlua4me · 08/01/2018 22:39

We have 3 years between our dc and have found it ideal. DS was old enough to understand when dd was born and had started nursery so I still had 1to1 time with dd. They are now teenagers and get on really well.

My friend has 25 years between his dc and finds that works fine too 😀😀

AdoraBell · 08/01/2018 22:40

You start trying for the next when you are ready. It’s no one else’s business how long that is.

Whichschool2020 · 08/01/2018 22:40

3.5 years between my two (planned). Didn’t want 2 in nappies, double buggy etc and I was young when I had my first so we had plenty of time. Still wavering about whether to have number 3 but number 2 is five now so would be a 6-7 or maybe even 8 year gap!

SockQueen · 08/01/2018 22:42

DS is 15 months and several of my NCT/mum friends are now pregnant with/have had no.2 but I'm nowhere near ready. He's lovely and I love him completely but he still doesn't sleep through and I can't imagine being pregnant or dealing with a new born AND him at the moment. I feel inadequate next to people advocating 18 month gaps but it's just not for me.

nannybeach · 08/01/2018 22:42

Had my first at 19, "had" to get married really ill and emergency cesarean, said I would NEVER have anymore, in those days you were told to leave gap of at least 4 years because of danger of womb bursting. We lived in a caravan, so it was 5 years before we had a house, my first =3 are 5/6 years apart, then remarried then 9 years, they all get on so well look out for each other. DD are 16 months part boy/girl fight like cat and dog, first was really upset and jealous when she had second. Seomone famous said having your children close together when the first was old enought o tell was like saying to your wife "I love you so much I am having another wife". Its seems to iritate other people, my oldest is now 47 and I have relatives who still keep on about it, used to have complete strangers come up to me in parks etc, making nasty comments about the age gaps.

TriJo · 08/01/2018 22:43

DS1 is 21 months and I'm 35 weeks with #2. We wanted roughly a 2 year gap. So bloody tiring being the size of a house and chasing a toddler though!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/01/2018 22:45

I've done 3 months, 15 years and 3 years. There's no best time.

Avocadoicecream · 08/01/2018 22:45

So many factors! A close age gap - exhaustion and body going through pregnancy again quickly - but siblings who are hopefully going to gain. Hopefully.

Larger gap, get time to spend on one child before school, focused attention, less rivalry, but maybe less bond? Tricky.

firawla · 08/01/2018 22:46

17 months apart then 19 months apart (then 5 years)

The first small gap wasn’t planned but the 2nd was as I felt it had worked well!

liz70 · 08/01/2018 22:47

I fell pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 7 months old. Mini pill fail. I had planned on a 2 to 3 year gap, but that went out the window.

strangerhoes · 08/01/2018 22:48

Too close together isn’t great IMO. Can you just enjoy the child you have before rushing to push another out?

Goldmandra · 08/01/2018 22:48

he wanted a big gap for his future kids, like 10 years min.

Our gap is jsut under six years. I have loved it from the day DD2 was born.

They are now 20 and 14. DD1 has been able to look after DD2 for years. She has babysit since they were 16 and 10. She taught her to ride her bike without stabilisers. She gives her awesome riding lessons and takes her to McDonalds afterwards very much without my approval.

They walk the dogs together and DD2 runs errands for DD1 with appropriate bribery.

They do have their moments but they are few and far between. I wouldn't change a thing.

liz70 · 08/01/2018 22:49

Then 9 years between DD2 and VR baby DD3.

Idontdowindows · 08/01/2018 22:54

My friend had 2 in the same year and loved it. Not so much planned as "breastfeeding is contraception" error.

They're very close, almost like twins, but it was very hard on her for a few years.

NotBurpeesAgain · 08/01/2018 22:59

We have 3-year gaps. I would have liked to have our DCs closer, but I did not want to have to stop breastfeeding earlier.

NotBurpeesAgain · 08/01/2018 23:00

Oh, and two girls in one of my classes were born 11 months apart. I always think of their poor mother when I see them.

Sevendown · 08/01/2018 23:09

I’d want one in school so the baby could get my full attention.

WatchTheFoxes · 08/01/2018 23:13

RavingRoo is right, a 3 year minimum gap is ideal. I think the best gap for all parties is between 4-5 years. You really do need to let your body recover for a minimum of 2 years before giving birth again, it really takes its toll on your body and unfortunately so many women do suffer with incontinence after birth etc. Drs do recommend waiting. I would personally prefer to have a bigger gap between babies and not take the chance of being afraid to cough or sneeze forever more!

LellyMcKelly · 08/01/2018 23:19

2.5 years, which was great as the eldest was toilet trained during the day. It was hairy for a while as the baby didn’t sleep so I was exhausted all the time, but they’re very close now at 12 and 9.5.