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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feet on my new sofa - AIBU?

136 replies

wineoclock1 · 08/01/2018 19:08

This is going to make sound v precious and house proud, which I'm not, but this is a real bugbear for me and I'd like to know if AIBU or WWYD?

I had a playdate at my house today for a few mums and their daughters. One of the mums I've known for about 6 months, and she is lovely, but during the playdate kept climbing on my new sofa and putting her feet on it. It was really annoying me but I didn't say anything as I though I would sound anal. It's not the first time she has done it, and I honestly don't think she believes she is doing anything wrong. We don't put our feet on the sofa, it's just our thing, and I find it really rude when people come to me house and do so.

AIBU? Would you have said something to her?

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 08/01/2018 20:46

What does your sofa look like?

RoseWhiteTips · 08/01/2018 20:48

I’m intrigued.

Original poster

wineoclock1 · 08/01/2018 20:49

The reason I'm asking is because I know this is a bugbear of mine, and I wanted to ask how others would view it.

Personally I wouldn't dream of going to the house of someone I don't know well and putting my feet on their sofa, let alone climb over the armrest and squat on the seat, I found it very strange. She didn't have socks on, so it was her sweaty bare feet.

If it was someone I'd known for a long time, then I doubt their feet on the sofa would have bothered me, it's the fact I don't know her that well.

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 08/01/2018 20:50

But yeah, you’re right to think it a bit off. I would too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/01/2018 20:51

Wow you sound really quite unkind Fluffy.

falange · 08/01/2018 20:55

If you asked me not to do that I wouldn't come to your house again.

Notso · 08/01/2018 20:55

I can't work out the climbing over the arm. How did she do it, was it just sitting on the arm and sliding into the seat or stepping over the arm or something else? I need to know!

Not putting your feet up on the sofa in your own home is weird to me. It sounds very formal.
I'm quite short and often if I sit right back my legs are dangling which is uncomfortable or if I put my feet on the floor my back is unsupported which is also uncomfortable. So I tend to tuck one foot up.

stargazer2030 · 08/01/2018 20:56

Yanbu. Am not precious at all but I would be really annoyed at an adult climbing on the settee. We are all sat with our feet up now but would balk at the thought of a stangers bare sweaty (and possibly filthy) feet being all over. I wouldn't dream of doing this in someone's house.

Flupi · 08/01/2018 20:57

I find it very uncomfortable to sit on sofas unless I can have my feet up. However, bare feet on someone else’s sofa, no, that’s a bit cheeky.
I wouldn’t say anything to her unless you have that kind of way of speaking that can say what you want and not cause offence, but definitely put throws on the sofa next time or keep out of that room.

Original poster

wineoclock1 · 08/01/2018 20:59

Thanks for the suggestions of blankets / throws, I'll bear that one in mind for next time.

RosewhiteTips- Sofa is new cream 3 seater and 2 seater , very comfy why do you ask?

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 08/01/2018 21:02

Why do I ask? Why not given your overriding concern about its wellbeing?

It’s not cream leather, is it...?

VileyRose · 08/01/2018 21:13

I always sit with my legs up. I am so short that sitting legs down is really uncomfortable. I love it when people get comfy at my home and sit back and get comfy!

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2018 21:17

Personally I wouldn't dream of going to the house of someone I don't know well and putting my feet on their sofa

Well of course because you don't even put your feet on your new sofa.

Is it because it's new and cream you've become a bit panicky and precious about it?

Really you should buy things to enjoy. Curling up or lying on the sofa is a very normal thing to do. I think I'd forget about the woman and think you live in a house where you're not allowed to put your feet on the sofa. A sofa isn't just to be looked st and admired.

I'm guessing you don't live alone? So others also have to sit bolt upright on the sofa ?

stickytoffeevodka · 08/01/2018 21:22

I find it really odd that people sit upright with their feet on the ground on ANY sofa - be it theirs or other people's.

The only time I sit with my feet on the floor is if I'm eating, or if my niece is over and she's sat on my lap. Otherwise it's shoes off and feet on - and I welcome guests to do the same.

NorksAreMessy · 08/01/2018 21:30

I still don’t know what PP think is going to happen with socked feet...or even BARE NAKED NUDE feet in a sofa.
What are we worrying about here? Germs? Ummmmm? Invisible feet particles? Sock fluff? What is the actual problem?

Llangollen · 08/01/2018 21:36

Do people really put their feet on somebody's sofa? Sorry, but that's bloody rude. "Make yourself at home" is an expression, not something to take literally. I have never seen anyone doing this!

It must be one the very first thing you teach your kids: no feet on the sofa! I would be mortified if one of mine was doing it. For the record, I do put my feet on my own sofa, but not when we have guests. Basic manners, or so I thought.
Sometimes I feel I am on another planet than posters on this forum

5foot5 · 08/01/2018 21:46

You have children young enough for play dates and you bough a cream sofa?

Llangollen · 08/01/2018 21:49

I don't know about the OP, but I bought a cream sofa when I was 6 months pregnant with my 3rd, what's wrong with that?

5foot5 · 08/01/2018 21:56

Bit of a tangent here. It sounds like many, if not most, of us here find it very comfortable to sit with our feet up on the sofa, even though some of us would only do it in our own home and not when visiting.

However am I right in thinking this is a particularly female thing? I don't think I have ever seen a man do it. Right now DD and I are sitting with feet up but DH - well at the moment he has them on the coffee table - but in over 30 years marriage I have never seen him sit with them curled up on the sofa. I simply can't picture him like that.

My dad didn't do it nor any of my BILs and when we have been at friends houses the wives often do but never the husbands.

Do other people find this and, if so, can anyone think why?

RemainOptimistic · 08/01/2018 21:56

I always tuck my feet under on a sofa. It's not very comfy otherwise. I'm mystified that anyone would not tuck their feet or judge others for wanting to do so.

What's the point of inviting people into your home if you're just going to fume and judge when they do make themselves at home? It's not an expression I like to relax in my home and I like when my friends do too. I don't really understand the point of formality inside a home. It's not very homely

TabbyCat864 · 08/01/2018 21:58

I wouldn't personally put my feet up onto someone's sofa if I hardly knew them.

People are different though. At least you know she felt comfortable in your home and comfortable with you.

I would put a throw on the sofa when you have people round. That way, you don't have to flinch if anyone puts their feet up.

Llangollen · 08/01/2018 22:01

when you read how people behave in their own home (and fair enough, it's their home), no it's really not appropriate to "make yourself at home".

Never ever had I a guest who put their feet on my furniture, took off their bras, put pyjamas on, grab food and drink from my fridge and son on...

No wonder some kids find it acceptable to put their feet on the chairs in waiting rooms, restaurants or other public places. No one has bothered telling them no to do it!

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2018 22:04

Sometimes I feel I am on another planet than posters on this forum

No, I don't think you are, but I'd think you don't have any close friends who come round that you're relaxed with. My friends have slept on my sofa ( even when a perfectly good bed available) tuck their feet up, lie on it. And I do the same with theirs, socialising with a few drinks or with a hangover the next morning.

So I'd not think you were living on another planet, but I'd say the way you write "guests"you're quite formal and don't have close friends lounging round, drinking wine, eating crap and chatting.

BuzzKillington · 08/01/2018 22:05

I would think you beyond anal if you objected to shoeless feet on the sofa. What is the actual problem?

Really precious.

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2018 22:05

Never ever had I a guest who put their feet on my furniture, took off their bras, put pyjamas on, grab food and drink from my fridge and son on

That's the difference then, all my close friends do that and I do it at theirs.

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