Horrible argument, am I being childish or is this something to be concerned about?

[Mulch]

Sorry this may be long winded. Agreed with oh that I will go gym in morning, he'll drop lo off at nursery. Wanted me to get him dressed and ready, got all his stuff out night before. I don't drive he does, its 5mins in car for him 1.5hr for me to drop off and get to work.

Sooo I go gym, him and baby are both asleep. Other half is self employed so comes and goes as he pleases. Night before said he wants to be gone for 7:30. As they're both asleep at 6:50 I just leave. At gym get an angry phone call saying he's leaving soon as I get in, very angry I didn't get him ready.

In the evening I'll be spending 1.5 picking him up and doing his bath, also all the household stuff and my uni work.

He's really angry, I got back just before 8 from gym so would literally not have time to get baby to nursery and work whereas is takes him 5mins. The amount of time he spend arguing on phone he could have got him ready, its just a matter of getting him dressed and in car. This is the only child care he's doing today.

My reaction probably wasn't ideal. I stood in front of door to stop him going, he tries to push me out way. He then says ok get him ready and I'll take him but jumps in car to leave....I then sit in passenger seat and he drives off while we argue leaving baby alone in the house with the door open.

I'm crying telling him his reaction isn't normal, he went round the block but it was scary thinking what could have happened. I know I shouldn't have jumped in car with him but I was really mad that it was all being left to me and I'll never make it to work on time whereas it takes him 5mins and that's the only child related care he's doing that day

I think his realised he was behaving ott so then sat and waited while I got baby ready. It was a horrible argument.

What kind of man throws a tantrum because his wife doesn't "get him ready" in the morning

Seriously? She had to get the baby ready. You can't really think she has to dress her partner ? 😳

Anyway, I also think you both behaved terribly. You agreed to get thr baby ready, you did half the job and left him there sleeping forty mins before hand. Most people would nudge their partner and say "do you know the time, you're due to leave in forty mins, baby is ready".

So I can see why he was annoyed. You didn't fulfil your promise and you left knowing he'd be late. Then you argue about I did x so you should do y, tiny little chores like laying clothes out. Why did you lay them out when you promised to dress the child?

Honestly, there is a kid involved here. You both need to grow up fast. Driving round the block with thr door open, your kid alone inside. Ffs.

Honestly if it were me in your shoes, I wouldn't contact him and when he does get I Touch ID tell him it's over.

You think things will be harder on your own but actually they wouldn't.

You will be in full control of everything yourself because he won't be there to add conditions (like il drop off but only if all I have to do is put baby in car) or let you think he's going to help then change the rules or to make digs or to huff and make you feel bad.

Then there will be days when your child will be with his dad (hopefully) and on those you should be able to get time for things like the gym or for jobs you don't have time for the rest of the week. Oh and those days he will have to feed clothe and look after his own child!

Why would op wake baby and get him dressed? Surely it was the nice thing to do to leave him sleeping so dp could sleep more. Dp is perfectly capable of setting an alarm to get him up at the right time. And op said the previous evening that she had got all baby's stuff ready so he just needed to be dressed and then go.

You said you'd get the child ready. Why the fuck did you get in the car. You sound like the one with the problem not him

Elton John???? "" If a man tried to stop his wife leaving the house or driving away he'd be an abusive w**r. But because it's a woman it's all his fault."""
Yes. It is his fault because he deliberately drove away with her against her wishes - leaving the baby in the house with the door open.
He did this to frighten and intimidate her and with no concern for the safety of his own child. Now he wants an apology.
All the arguments about who does what and who should have woken whom, are secondary to this.

Yes it sounds like he was behaving like a dick. If it really takes him 5 mins but adds a lot of time to your commute he should do it whenever he can, he should use an alarm clock, get up, and be ready to put some time into getting his baby ready. However, I doubt a nursery drop-off adds only 5 minutes - even if it's a 5 minute drive, you usually have to park, get the baby out, go in to the nursery, sign the baby in on the register - probably adds ~15 minutes for him. Same deal for you of course, if it's a 45 min walk it's more like 50+ min total. He should NEVER have driven off like that - red flag there for sure.

You could consider getting a bicycle or adding yourself to his car insurance so you can drop and return the car to him if need be.

But mainly - you two should speak and act like adults, set out the days of who's doing what dropoffs and pickups in the week so that it's fair and you're both happy with it, then do as planned. Easier said than done but if someone really can't do that they are being unreasonable.

Spot on Sadie9

What time did he phone you at the gym, Op?

I really can't understand why he waited for you.

Surely he usually takes his son to the nursery without you?

It's a shame that you hadn't gone straight on to work so that he had to get his arse into gear.

It's a situation where he should have just got up & got on.

Really he had to what-change & dress his son unexpectedly?

Give him a fucking medal!

I’m struggling to understand a relationship where a man cares enough that he won’t let his mum be alone in the house overnight yet will happily let his partner and child be alone many nights? What?! Why don’t you live together? It all says he’s just not that into you if you ask me.
I can’t believe you didn’t help I can’t believe you got in the car I’m stunned that he drove off. You both are unreasonable and need a large kick up the backside.

I don't understand. Your babies father expects you to get him ready?? Is he incapable?

Left the child alone with door open...WTF

You're not going to get to work on time but you have time to type that up on MN?

I think you both behaved terribly.

*Oh sweet Jesus.

Women can go to the gym because they want to y'know?*

randomdreams I was trying to ask in a roundabout way whether the op’s ‘d’p had other controlling behaviours. Turns out I was right about him making nasty comments about her weight.

This all window dressing to the big issue of him driving off though. The op put her child in danger for a moment, believing she could get back to him as soon as possible. The ‘d’p put the baby in danger for a longer period of time purely to scare and upset the op. He also drove away! What if he had crashed the car or something? That is so unbelievably irresponsible and crazy.

Op draw a line in the sand leave the bastard, seriously.

Ah OP just get rid of this wanker, seriously. He puts pressure on you to lose weight, he can't be bothered to dress his own child and he was prepared to leave you in the shit this morning..just get rid, he'll only get worse.

Why are you with him?

I'd be telling him that if he pulls another one like this, he should not bother to return home.

You might as well be a single parent, then.

Not trying to make you feel shit but we have a new puppy and we bend over backwards to accomodate a littleness dog better than this poor baby. You DH sounds like a childishness idiot. If we are ever lucky enough to have our own baby (not a guarantee by a long chalk) I would kick my DH to the kerb for this kind of behaviour.

God knows why my predictive text adds “ness” to everything!

He is a complete idiot who doesn’t think he has to contribute at all. Ditch him.

Actually, the OP driving (or not) is quite an important (side) issue here. As things stand, and in this scenario, he holds the cards. He can make her life considerably easier if he chooses to, by driving the baby to Nursery. That means she has to placate him by agreeing to dress and get the baby ready in order for him to deign to do that favour for her.

She'd done the lion's share of this task already, by laying out the clothes and packing the bag. She left them to sleep, presumably because she thought it wouldn't, or rather shouldn't be a massive issue for him to take 5 minutes to change a nappy and put the clothes on him. She does this a gazillion times already for their child, without a song and dance, whilst he (I bet) lounges around keeping his mum company.

I cannot believe that he actually phoned you at the gym to come home and dress the baby that was sitting in front of him next to a pile of clothes already laid out. And then sat by the door/in the car/wherever, whilst you performed that simple task for him.

What does he actually bring to your life that you couldn't manage quite well without?

I don't think either of you come out of this well; faults on both sides.

She'd done the lion's share of this task already, by laying out the clothes and packing the bag.
But she'd already said that she'd dress him. She didn't have to say it but as she did then surely you don't bugger off to the gym and leave someone else, who is still asleep & has said they wanted an early start, to do it instead?! She's been thoughtless at best. If it was a man who'd done this he'd be slated but it's fine for a woman to go back on their word?

I do have a licence but can't afford to drive. He is the child's father.

Exactly how much would it cost to add you to your partner's insurance?

I think your relationship with this man has turned caring for your baby into a chore, instead of a pleasure. I fortunately separated from my ex before I even knew I was pregnant, but those types of arguments would have been us if I had stayed with him. As it was, I loved having my dd and doing things for her. It wasn't all roses, but at least she didn't grow up with her parents arguing because neither of them wanted to look after her.

Thing is, even if they don't live together & he agrees to take his son to nursery so that Op can work, she's still relying on him not being an arse & turning up at the time she needs him to.

You ight need to reconsider the nearer nursery that you can get your son to, Op.

Gosh. A sensible person would have got up, got the baby ready, taken them to nursery and then had a chat with you later about doing the things you’ve said you will do. Hanging around getting angry for half an hour and then stropping is beyond the pale. It looks as though there are some major issues re balance of power in your relationship, and so I’d be thinking quite hard about whether I wanted to be with someone who won’t even get his own child dressed when he is making a point, and who can get so angry over so little.

I think you also need to think about why it was that you didn’t at least wake your partner up when you left. If he was planning to be out by 7:30, he probably needed to get up around then. But while this is inconsiderate / a bit unfair, it isn’t the same as driving a woman around against her will while her baby is unattended.

On a practical note - OP, can you find a different nursery / childminder nearer home or uni? Or will nursery let you store a different pram (one of that folds up small?) there? That 1.5h rushing about twice a day must be pretty exhausting.