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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be appalled at neighbours joke

120 replies

JessWinson108 · 07/01/2018 17:31

So while leaving I bumped into my neighbour to the right of us while leaving to get some shopping. I was with my teenage DD at the time and he told us that he had sold his house and would be moving sometime in the next two months. He then added he is moving to be closer to family in Sussex, however I asked how quickly it took to sell the house and it he said it went after only a week and he sold it to a muslim family then he proceeded to say just kidding its a white family. [shocked]. I said his joke was distasteful and I couldn't care what religion my neighbours are and he was wrong to presume I would dislike muslim neighbours. We got in the car in a state of shock. Although this area is majority white its still a very diverse part of South London. I never thought he would be racist he puts a Labour board up each election and he's university educated. Maybe as a white women I am oblivious to peoples prejudices. Nevertheless this comes as a huge shock.

OP posts:
wherethevioletsgrow · 07/01/2018 17:35

He sounds like a racist eejit. But I am sure someone will be along very shortly to say that it's not racism because islam is not a race....

onalongsabbatical · 07/01/2018 17:37

Gosh, no, I'd be shocked at that, too, especially given his Labour affiliations. He's showing his true colours I guess. You were very quick thinking in your response, these things are never easy, so well done.

Peekaboo3 · 07/01/2018 17:38

Meh, just sounded like a joke to me. Wouldn't take it seriously.

Some people are way too sensitive.

vwlphb · 07/01/2018 17:39

On the bright side, you're getting new neighbours.

Mrsknackered · 07/01/2018 17:40

Peekaboo yes people are way too serious about the shocking levels of racism towards a cultural minority, and anyone who dares defend them should grow up.

newtlover · 07/01/2018 17:41

It was a joke, yes, a racist one
YANBU to be shocked
on the plus side, you will soon not have a racist neighbour
also, a chance to talk to your DD about how people can surprise you

JessWinson108 · 07/01/2018 17:41

Meh, just sounded like a joke to me. Wouldn't take it seriously.

Well it wasn't funny.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 07/01/2018 17:42

Maybe as a white women I am oblivious to peoples prejudices. Nevertheless this comes as a huge shock.

I'm astonished that this should come as huge shock to you OP. Racism alive and well? Amazing. I suspect this was more a dig at you than anything else. He obviously perceives / expects you to be racist in some way. (Not saying that you are btw.)

And quite why being white should make you oblivious to other people's prejudices I do not know.

JessWinson108 · 07/01/2018 17:42

On the bright side, you're getting new neighbours.

Very true.

OP posts:
JessWinson108 · 07/01/2018 17:43

I'm astonished that this should come as huge shock to you OP. Racism alive and well? Amazing. I suspect this was more a dig at you than anything else. He obviously perceives / expects you to be racist in some way. (Not saying that you are btw.)

I think I live quite a sheltered life and being white you don't experience the first hand discrimination that those of other ethnicities do.

OP posts:
Cynara · 07/01/2018 17:44

Absolutely not funny, and you did well to challenge him. Probably no need to be in "a state of shock" though.

rcit · 07/01/2018 17:44

Ok well he is a racist/xenophobic idiot but what is to be gained by engaging with such a person. Do you think that after you told him the joke was distasteful that is no longer racist/xenophobic? No, that has not fixed the problem.

Utterly ridiculous to suggest that because he votes Labour and is university educated that he is not racist Confused. I believe that racists exist in all socio economic groups!

Heartoffire · 07/01/2018 17:44

How on earth is racism a huge shock? Where have you been? Mind I get up in inner city brum in the 70s.

Heartoffire · 07/01/2018 17:46

How on earth is racism a huge shock? Where have you been? Mind I get up in inner city brum in the 70s.

onalongsabbatical · 07/01/2018 17:51

All you people being hard on the OP, there's a huge difference between being well aware of racism and meeting it full on in your next door neighbour. We all know the world's full of shitty attitudes, but when someone we've been saying hi to for years reveals that he has shit in his heart it's a shock.

TwitterQueen1 · 07/01/2018 17:51

I think I live quite a sheltered life and being white you don't experience the first hand discrimination that those of other ethnicities do.

Right. Hmm This does not explain nor excuse your ignorance of everyday racism happening everyday, everywhere. You should be aware of it OP. Being white is not a get out of jail free card. You sound like an ignorant child. 'Gosh how shocking! I'm white so of course I know nothing about racism...'

Louiselouie0890 · 07/01/2018 17:56

It suprises you because he's university educated but he's the prejudiced one?

newtlover · 07/01/2018 17:56

Blimey, give the OP a break!
She has just admitted that being white shelters her from the realities/pervasiveness of racsim, what more do you expect?I'm white, I know there is racism everywhere but I would still be shocked if someone I previously considered OK came out with something like that. And it's a particularly blatant sort of racism too. And trying to implicate the OP in it.

CeciliaBartolli · 07/01/2018 17:57

I am lightly beige and I got hissed at recently despite being ( mainly) indigenous. South London? Of course people are wankers everywhere.
It has got worse since Brexit. I live in Sarf Lunnun, believe me.
Goodness me. Racial hatred- some people take a positive pride in it.

SemolinaSilkpaws · 07/01/2018 17:58

OP, you handled it well. When racism comes from an unexpected source of course it is a shock. Glad for your sake neighbour is moving and you won’t have to encounter him for much longer.

Viviennemary · 07/01/2018 17:59

He does sound a bit ignorant. And in any case being a Muslim is a religious thing and not race. There are Muslims of all nationalities and ethnicities.

notacooldad · 07/01/2018 18:03

Clearly not a great expierence but to be in a state of shock is a bit ridiculous.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/01/2018 18:07

Twitter I feel like you're missing the point somewhat. Surely it was a good thing for the neighbour to see shock and surprise in the OP's reaction? If she'd just reacted with a shoulder shrug and a 'Meh, this kind of thing is rife, what can you do?' he'd be more likely to see his views as mainstream.

The reality is that a lot of white people don't often have first hand experience of racism. If you asked them, they'd probably acknowledge that it exists and is still a massive problem, but that's different from seeing it in the flesh. Same as knowing knife crime exists, but being shocked to see someone get stabbed.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/01/2018 18:09

He certainly is to the right of you Wink

He sounds charming!

I live in a entirely monocultural white area. I sold my car to a British Asian bloke. We were stood on the drive chatting and I'm not kidding, every single one of my neighbours came out for a look. He suggested we should tell them he's moving in and laughed but I was horrified by the neighbours. Several of them asked me who he was later

BulletFox · 07/01/2018 18:09

I probably would have squinted at him and said 'what?'

It might be his sense of humour and he was trying to emulate that Terry Jones letter about the neighbours