AIBU to be annoyed at DH?

[MrsStinkey]

So this morning DH asks our two DDs if they'd like a takeaway breakfast. I wasn't fussed but they all fancied one so we told him what we'd like and he set off. The place is a 20 min drive from us and they stop serving breakfast at 10:30. Had a missed call on my mobile from his which was strange as my phone didn't even ring so tried to call him back and just got his answerphone. Thought that was a bit weird but maybe he'd lost his signal or something. Then a random mobile number calls me. It's DH. He's informed me he's on a busy road with an elderly man that had broken down and has fallen. He now has to wait with him for an ambulance and the AA to come but will miss breakfast at the takeaway. That all is no problem you wouldn't just leave someone like that. But his mobile phone has died and he's calling me from the old man's phone so no way of contacting me after this call. I say to him what will I do about Dc's breakfast? Meaning will I just make something, or wait for him or will he sort something else? He then tells me not to get on at him and that our breakfast doesn't matter this situation is far more important. Try to explain that im asking as I won't get to speak to him again as his own phone has died which isn't ideal. The only reason his phone has died is because he's to lazy to finda charger before bed at night which happens regularly. He has loads of chargers that he leaves lying around the house he just can't be bothered bringing one up to the bedroom. I'm then told again not to get on at him just because I want a takeaway (not true, I didn't want one in the first place). So AIBU to be annoyed not about the situation but about the fact his phone has died which happens a lot, he's made me sound really terribly selfish in front of whoever was there and I'm no further forward really knowing what to tell DC's about breakfast? For context they're 6 & 2 so will just be disappointed they're not getting a takeaway.

If I was your DH in this situation and I was the one helping the elderly man and I was asked ‘what should I do about DCs breakfast?’ I probably would have snapped at you a bit because I would be sitting on my arse on the cold ground worried about the poor bloke in front of me. At that point I would literally give no fucks about you taking some initiative and feeding the children.

And I’m another one whose phone runs out of charge and frequently goes out without my phone.

I am in Scotland, the national country of the heart attack. Literally everywhere here does a takeaway breakfast. Its amazing! Our local cafe deliver for free! It was a maccy D's today's though and my DD's didn't demand it DH wanted one. They aren't regularly fed takeaways. They have allergies so most meals in my house are cooked from scratch. I appreciate the comments I really do. I definitely think if I'd been annoyed DH had stopped to help someone rather than getting breakfast for us IWBmassivelyU but that wasn't the issue here. I was right, he came in with the breakfast and took the hump because I'd started making breakfast. No big deal now it's all done and dusted but that's why I was annoyed. I knew it would happen. As for his phone dying. We had a situation when DD2 was very small where she was admitted to hospital and nobody could get in touch with him because his phone had died! Took us hours. He is only contactable at his work via his mobile so it's kind of important it's charged. There really are some very unkind people here that take from posts what they like and twist them so they can have a go. Thank you to everyone. I don't mind being told I'm unreasonable at all but a lot of you are just having a go. The man is fine. Shouldn't have been out driving, deaf, really old and frail, recovering from a big op. Ambulance checked him over and sent him on his way with the AA. He'd burned his clutch out. Very lucky DH was there as he got out his car and slipped on ice so was on the ground on an extremely busy road when DH saw him. Roads famous for boy racers flying up and down it. He'll be home safe and sound now with a cuppa, he's really very lucky.

@MrsStinkey I called Scotland upthread he does seem to be being a bit of a twat, are you always subjected to such unreasonable behaviour? It can’t be fun walking on eggshells or worrying about his reactions all the time.

Who even does take away breakfast?

I'm sorry but I don't believe there is anyone in the country who hasn't heard of McDonald's

PMSL is this for real?

It sounds like some of the daft arguments we have in our house. An hour later we are laughing about it. Your husband probably saved someone’s life today which is the most important thing. Now enjoy your breakfast!!

@Notreallyarsed there you are! I didn't realise it wasn't a thing other places. Another reason why us Scots are blessed .
DH was told all he had to do was answer the question. I wasn't annoyed he stopped to help. I still got made out to be the bad one. However, he won't ruin the day and he would've just got breakfast as he doesn't really think about things. It wouldn't be to make me feel bad but like I said, he kind of expects me to be a mind reader with these things. Hes not a bad guy but he was a dick to me in the phone and I knew it would also result in him being a dick to me when he got home. All's done and forgotten now.

Hermione has it bang on Well actually it’s quite easy to make someone being the bad guy in that case.
Dad went out of his way to STILL get the take away b’fast DESPITE acting like a heroe buy helping a elderly man.
And when he comes home, everyine has had b’fast.

So of course, the person who didn’t wait for him will be the bad guy seeing all the efforts he did and how kind he has been all morning ... to everyine bar the OP.

OP I know how it feels to tie yourself up in knots worrying about the reaction of your DH to seemingly trivial matters. My XH was like that - mild mannered, polite and nice to everyone, but whatever I did, whichever decision I agonised over, worrying about all the ins and outs, it would slays be wrong. I described it to him when we were divorcing as being like playing chess all day everyday, having to think ahead 3 moves “if I do this then he’s bound to say xyz, but if I do the other then he’ll react like abc”. He looked sad and said “god that must be exhausting”.

Tbh I don’t think he ever realised quite how much of an impact he had on me, on my self esteem and confidence. I honestly don’t think he did it deliberately. I was told (on here) at the time that he was abusive and took that line with him, but looking back I think he was just a perfectionist and was as frustrated as I was with the situation.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s as black and white as “OP must be really dim, just feed your damn kids” or “he’s an abusive arsehole if you are walking on eggshells”.

I think there’s probably a middle ground where your anxiety and lack of confidence in making decisions, coupled with his apparent need for you to be perfect while he is disorganised, is a toxic combination.

Would you both consider some counselling so that you can communicate better without being snippy and having to second guess how it will go?

There really are some very unkind people here that take from posts what they like and twist them so they can have a go.

Nope, just most people aren’t psychic enough to see the drip feed coming...

I’m sorry he’s being an arse. You both sound like hard work over breakfast!

We get takeaway breakfasts from the burger van as well. I didn’t know Asda did breakfast like McDonald’s. I’m really not a big fan of their main meals, I think their lunches and dinners are poor

Hermione put it perfectly.

There wasn't really a drip feed though. Just basically rewriting the first post to try and give people a better understanding. It's hard when you're writing something and not directly talking to someone as people can read things in different contexts. It's why I hate texting.

Once again, it seems that Scotland has got it's shit together so much better than England

There's some nasty people on here. Husband could have been a bit kinder and said something along the lines of 'don't know how long I'm going to be, so just sort yourselves out'. The phone thing sounds annoying too.
Even if he does bring mcd's back I bet the kids will eat it in addition to whatever they have been fed mine certainly would

I am in Scotland, the national country of the heart attack

The defibrillators in each village, usually near the chippy, always crack me up.

Can’t believe you got to nearly 11am without feeding the kids breakfast! Wtf?!

MrsStinkey, i understood what you meant from your first post. I am surprised at how many people didn't. DH regularly goes out to see his Dad (elderly. frail, with dementia) and will say he'll bring back food for us. He might call from his dad's phone - as yet again his is left at home to say his dad is upset/ill/hurt. My first response is 'oh dear, poor fil' my next is 'what shall i do about dinner/lunch/breakfast?' Not because i'm incapable of making a decision or feeding the dc. But because I don't know whether dh would like us to wait, to make something ourselves or what. He'd be likely to walk in 2 hours late with loads of food and be perplexed and huffy we'd all eaten as he said he was getting food.

As for take away breakfasts, we are in Kent and every cafe on our high street does takeaway breakfasts. I didn't realise that was so unusual. DH often goes out for bacon/sausage/egg baguettes on the weekend.

"All's done and forgotten now"....not on mumsnet it isn't!!

Those simple acts of thoughtlessbess and pique will now need to be dissected and suggestions of counselling will be shouted down by those saying you shouldn't go to counselling with an ABUSER!! Descending into outrage that you haven't left with just the clothes you stand in (stopping at maccy d on the way) to protect your children from this tyrant.

Meanwhile the OP has probably had LUNCH and gone out for a walk with her dh and DC. Mumsnet will be frothing like a dishwasher with washing up liquid added.

I'm in Kent too and know not where to get a take away bacon sarnie

@Maelstrop they'd had a banana each so that was keeping them going. DD2 isn't big on breakfast anyways and would happily survive on warmed milk until dinnertime. I'm the same tbh although my warmed milk is more coffee than milk . I encourage her to eat though but a late breakfast is fine for her.
Our chippy's literally deep fry everything inside them so the defibrillators outside are entirely necessary @YetAnotherSpartacus!
Glad this thread became a bit more light-hearted!

@MrsStinkey blessed with tasty breakfasts

I hope you manage to salvage the day and he realises that he was a twat this morning.

The defibrillators in each village, usually near the chippy, always crack me up

Ours is beside the kebab shop, it hadn’t even occurred to me until now!

@LEMtheoriginal a MN friend from Kent came to stay and was staggered by the breakfasts on offer up here, delivered!

You sound hardwork