To despair of children’s Christmas presents

[Yura]

I just packed a huge charity bag with unusable Christmas presents - why oh why do people not ask? And why do they not listen to the answers?
Loads of Lego - child likes the bricks, but not cars. It’s all cars (5 boxes)
Clothes with polyester - both kids have eczema that is triggered by polyester. Everybody around us know that as it took us ages to get wearable school uniform for the oldest. A bag full going to the charity shop with labels attached.
Warm winter clothes 9-12 months size up for the baby. He is in 3-6 months now, they would fit in summer (Polyester anyway, so can’t use them)
2 part pyjamas for the baby? Polyester anyway so he can’t wear them, but 2 parters for a 7 month old?
A book on “ scary dinosaurs” for a very sensitive 6 year old suffering from nightmares (we’ll keep that actually, maybe the baby will like it when he’s older)
I’m thankful that people give us presents, but we end up giving 90% unopened/labels attached to the charity shop, it’s such a waste.

You sound quite unreasonable OP.

Seriously you son won't give his friends "stupid" presents?! Just wrap the damn thing up when he's not there and off you go. Will save you a fortune.

As for the polyester, I wouldn't expect anyone to remember for instance that I'm allergic to wool. It's important to you but not to the rest of the world I'm afraid, no reason why everyone should be storing up the information in case they want to buy you clothes. Also they just won't be used to checking labels like you will obviously be.

I'd pass the clothes on to a grateful friend if you can't take them back and exchange them.

Incidentally if I were your relative and you moaned about what I'd given you, I'd never get you or your children a present again.

Is it the Lego junior range? We got my 2 and a half year old the Disney cars range and I do know what you mean about it not being separate bricks. It is literally the shell of the car and the plate with wheels on. Not sure why people are having a hard time believing you on that one. However they can still be used for other things if you have lots of other Lego bricks. Maybe try and swap them for a set your son will like?

It sounds a bit extreme that your son is afraid of a dinosaur book though, you might need to address that rather than outright getting rid of the book.

Clothes I understand, if they can't wear it and you're not desperate for clothes then what's the point of keeping it. At least someone else will get good use out of it.

Feel like you're getting an unnessecarily hard time off everyone OP.

I totally disagree about the Cars Lego being totally self contained. They're just Lego bricks, after all. Of course they can be used elsewhere! Admittedly there's not loads of bricks, so if you have no other Lego your choices would be limited, but there ARE bricks (not solid cars) and the bricks CAN be used elsewhere!

I'm most shocked at the 6 year old's attitude in all this, to be honest, rather than a parent preferring suitable presents (as don't we all?). But...I think the OP's attitude is certainly rubbing off on her children, and that's not good. And why she's BU.

You sound anxious. Your ds sounds anxious. What about the baby. Are they anxious as well?

'But...I think the OP's attitude is certainly rubbing off on her children, and that's not good. And why she's BU.'

^
This

ime, modern sets don't mix with other sets. They just don't. I can see why OP thought "Don't bother to even open it."

Do you actually disapprove of commercialism, materialism or racing cars, OP?

since so many people commented on the book i statred to think i was bu. so i looked at the dinosaur books back cover: its recommended for 10 years up and from a series called "young readers horror stories". can't find them online, no idea where they bought it. not surprised a 6 year old found it scary now.

no, i don't disapprove of racing cars etc - but i don't like waste!

OP, you should have brought clothes back to shops and exchanged.

2 piece pj's are fantastic for 7 month olds, so handy!

Lego stuff is worth a fortune, you could easily have sold it on gumtree if your child is too picky and ungrateful about it.

Leave the book, it could easily be his favourite in a couple of years.

YABVUngrateful.

If it for 10 and up, perhaps it would have been wise to vet it first.

That was a drip feed. I wouldn’t be sending a thank you card for this. I would be sending a text to say it’s too grown up and scary and unfortunately he doesn’t like it at this time. As for the pjs, I’d also send a text asking for the receipts to swap it for some toys perhaps?

I think the OP disapproves of waste. As we all should.

Cross post with OP!

I hate waste, too.

I am fussy about what I get or what DC get; I find giving a list to the Gift-Givers is best & usually very well received. Make it a big list with wide price choices & say with no pressure "Here are some things X has asked for & he doesn't already have, in case you would like any ideas."

I We also banned a load of people from gift giving to DC, about 13 yrs ago. So many generous people, but the giving was getting out of hand. I wrote long polite letters to explain & nobody moaned about it (phew). I lost one of the most thoughtful givers (sad) & DH wouldn't let me ban the worst offender for useless tat, but it was still worth it.

People should ask, the best were relatives who gave them money, they got much bigger presents with it.

If I bought a gift for someone and they contacted me to say thanks, but we don't like it and here's why, regarding a the book being too scary, I'd be furious!

You don't get in touch with some one to offer a critique of their gift and if it was deemed good enough for your family / dc!

Sorry, but if your ds is scared by a dinosaur book, maybe his innocence is why people have bought him the lego juniors stuff believing it to be age / maturity appropriate for him?

Yabu. If you dont want the gifts say thank you, exchange or give away...maybe as birthdy party gifts. Re the 2 part pjs..suggest you keep a couple as you might find you using them as suddenly i found dd hated having anything on her feet whilst she slept.

I only ever use 2 part pjs OP as soon as I could buy them to fit. Onesies are the devils work in my opinion I find them too fiddly

I wonder where your six-year-old is picking up the attitude that anything he doesn't like is "stupid"? Perhaps you should have a think about that while you criticise generous present givers for having the gall to gift you items you don't approve of.

Instead of saying thank you tell the family what you’ve told us. No-one would dare send a present again

You simply cannot micromanage presents and many other small things in life around children that people may or may not do. Better to learn to roll with it and your dc will too instead of being so cross and tetchy.

As a pp said these preferences may be clear and set in stone to you but expecting others to remember all that is unlikely.

I must admit I’m also wondering about the book though. How scary can it possibly be??

I would be sending a text to say it’s too grown up and scary and unfortunately he doesn’t like it at this time. That's very very honest!!!

I hate the accusation drip feed. OP said it was a scary book. And that the Lego wasn't versatile. No one believed her without further detail. Not her fault.

OP - you've posted in AIBU, pretty much everyone has said yes, YABU, and yet you're still trying to defend yourself and not listening to the responses... why bother asking if you're BU if you won't accept the verdict!

I think your sentiment is sound and I sort of get where you are coming from. Right up until the comment about your DS not regifting presents he thinks “are stupid”.

That’s a dreadful attitude.

I know someone who looks up the value of every gift she receives and then moans about it if it’s too cheap. The entitlement is scary. And guess what? Her DS has a similar “not good enough for me” attitude.

Nobody is entitled to a present. It’s just a social nicety and a traditional part of Christmas. As is sucking up disappointment over “stupid” presents.

I'd like to see a photo of the book as it's not a range I've heard of. My two (3 and 4) are well aware that dinos eat other dinos are how. I don't think they'd be scared by a book telling them that.