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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is passive aggression?

121 replies

Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 08:45

I am not sure if I am over reacting, but last night was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I have a lodger who is renting my room, he come across as mildly aggressive out with jive like - you have mood swings, (sometimes, I just enjoy my own time) and ask stupid questions such as "did you turn the internet off, do you need to use the kitchen? have you turned the water off? Little remarks, which I find really annoying and offensive at the best of time. Why would I turn the water off? When I explained that the all area had no internet - again, he did not believe this explanation, believing that I turned the internet off.

I have made it clear to him that the central heating is not on any timer - so, if he felt cold, he could turn it on at any time. Recently, I have been having problems with the water pressure, which causes the boiler to fails. I have shown to him how to increase the water pressure and get the heating back on, just incase I am not at home.

I have been down with a terrible cold and cough in the last few weeks and went to bed early last night. I woke to a text message telling me to do something about the central heating because the house was cold. I pointed out that I had already shown him how to increase the pressure if the boiler fails.

According to him he is not good at DIY. AIBU to expect that he should man up as it takes less than a minute to increase the water pressure?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 06/01/2018 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notreallyarsed · 06/01/2018 08:49

I’m absolutely shite at any kind of DIY and even I can fix the pressure on a boiler!

CrazyOldBagLady · 06/01/2018 08:54

It does sound like you need to get the boiler seen to. It’s not fair to expect your lodger to have to faff around with it when he needs hot water. It sounds to me as if you are the unreasonable one here.

Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 08:55

The pressure on the boiler entails to just opening the two taps together. I was shown how to do it by an ex, who said, "just incase you are ever by yourself, this is what you need to do"

It takes less than a minute and the boiler is back on instantly.

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 06/01/2018 08:56

You do need to get the boiler sorted out. He shouldn't have to be faffing about sorting the pressure all the time. It would annoy me too.b

Pengggwn · 06/01/2018 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frouby · 06/01/2018 08:58

It's not a faff doing the pressure. Seriously.

Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 08:59

The hot water is on all the time. The central heating was on and may have failed between me going to bed early and him coming back from work. According to his message last night, he has a fan heater in his room, which I was unaware of as the house is very "hot" and I often have my windows open.

OP posts:
Flyingflipflop · 06/01/2018 09:00

If the water is going into a sealed system and the pressure drops, then you probably have a leak somewhere.

Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 09:00

I don't want to be defensive here - the water pressure issues is not everyday occurrence - the boiler was serviced recently

OP posts:
insancerre · 06/01/2018 09:01

It's not his responsibility to fix the reassure on the boiler
That's your job

wasonthelist · 06/01/2018 09:01

If the pressure keeps dropping to the point where the heating stops working there is a problem (probably a leak) somewhere that needs attention.

As for you AIBU you can think it's passive aggression if you want to - how will that help anyone?

mustbemad17 · 06/01/2018 09:01

Opening two taps on a boiler is not DIY. I'm shit at DIY...i can fix the boiler.
He has two options really doesn't he? Sort it out himself (hardly taxing) if it bothers him, or wait until you're awake & approach you to do it. Expecting you to know there's an issue when you're asleep is a piss take AND i'd be well arsed off with his attitude!! If I rang my LL up & got arsey with them guarantee they'd make me a low priority (lesson well learned). Manners cost nothing

Zampa · 06/01/2018 09:03

We had that issue with the boiler pressure and it really was no problem to sort out. However, it was annoying and I can understand why your paying lodger may feel aggrieved.

Our issue was a result of the underfloor heating having a small leak. Once that was sorted the boiler pressure want an issue. I do recommend you having a look to see if there's an issue which can be fixed.

KittiKat · 06/01/2018 09:04

Your boiler sounds like mine. I now make a diary note to top up the water pressure back to the required limit every 1st of the month. That way it does not cut out.

Redphone · 06/01/2018 09:06

Yep, you need to get your boiler seen to if the pressure keeps dropping. As a pp said, it'll be a leak somewhere. Not sure what's offensive about asking if you want to use the kitchen or why there's no heating, particularly when he's paying you. You sound like hard work and unsuited to having a lodger.

ChristmasTablecloth · 06/01/2018 09:06

I disagree - that's not passive aggressive behaviour. Your lodger has been quite direct with you.

Notevilstepmother · 06/01/2018 09:06

Whilst I’d think it was reasonable for him to turn a couple of taps on and off, you’d be amazed by the number of people that can’t do this.

However you shouldn’t be needing to do this.

I know you’ve had your boiler serviced, which is good, but the pressure is not about the boiler, (unless it’s making terrible noises which I assume it’s not. ). The pressure dropping means you have a small leak in a pipe or a radiator somewhere.

This is not something you should ignore in my opinion, best to get it found and fixed before it gets worse.

ilovesooty · 06/01/2018 09:07

Did you discuss it with the person who serviced it?

Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 09:08

Thank you everyone! I appreciate the advice. It's sometimes not how things are said, it's more the way that something is said.

As I have said, I have been very ill and went to bed early. His attitude is, if something is amiss - I must have deliberately done it.

I will definitely get it checked up.

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 06/01/2018 09:08

Well you clearly DO have an issue that needs looking at, or the pressue wouldn't keep dropping and the boiler failing. Are you going to get it checked? So if he was in shower and and the water pressue dropped he would need to get out, go to the boiler and reset? Two second job or not, that would bug me.
But you clearly think yanbu so that's fine, it is your house! If he annoys you so much give notice.

Alpacaandgo · 06/01/2018 09:09

It's a 2 second job to top up the boiler pressure. He's being difficult on purpose I feel. Any normal person would just do it and think no more of it. What a knob!

Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 09:10

@ilovesooty, yes, I discussed it with the person who serviced the boiler. He look everywhere for the leaks but could not find anything. He spent almost two hours when I explained to him about the water pressure dropping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vickers0009 · 06/01/2018 09:12

@Namechange, if he was in the shower and the water pressure fails - it would not affect the shower. The hot water usually last for at least 12 hours.

The issues here are not to do with the shower - it's the central heating. The house is usually too hot

OP posts:
Redphone · 06/01/2018 09:16

2 second job or not, if you do it wrong you can fuck up your boiler. And you aren't "very ill" - you've got a cold. Like I said, hard work.