To think this is passive aggression?

[Vickers0009]

I am not sure if I am over reacting, but last night was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I have a lodger who is renting my room, he come across as mildly aggressive out with jive like - you have mood swings, (sometimes, I just enjoy my own time) and ask stupid questions such as "did you turn the internet off, do you need to use the kitchen? have you turned the water off? Little remarks, which I find really annoying and offensive at the best of time. Why would I turn the water off? When I explained that the all area had no internet - again, he did not believe this explanation, believing that I turned the internet off.

I have made it clear to him that the central heating is not on any timer - so, if he felt cold, he could turn it on at any time. Recently, I have been having problems with the water pressure, which causes the boiler to fails. I have shown to him how to increase the water pressure and get the heating back on, just incase I am not at home.

I have been down with a terrible cold and cough in the last few weeks and went to bed early last night. I woke to a text message telling me to do something about the central heating because the house was cold. I pointed out that I had already shown him how to increase the pressure if the boiler fails.

According to him he is not good at DIY. AIBU to expect that he should man up as it takes less than a minute to increase the water pressure?

It's not passive aggressive but it's not great behaviour in a larger either.

If you both live under the same roof you need to be able to get along.

I suggest you look for a new one.

You don’t like your lodger. Find someone else who you might enjoy sharing your home with. Life is too short to be worried about someones tone of voice / how he asks questions.

On the internet question - it’s a perfectly reasonable thing for him to ask. You knew the internet was down and didn’t tell him. Him asking you if you’d switched it off seems like a reasonable question considering he couldn’t have known it was down.

On the boiler - what if he tried to increase the pressure and did something wrong/ broke something? Would you be ok with that? I can see why he’d be hesitant to try it.

Regardless of all that, you don’t like him or the time of voice he uses to you - find someone else who you do like.

I'd get rid of the lodger. If it's so simple to fix the boiler he shouldn't be insisting you do it all the time.

@HouseworkIsAPain, I only discovered about the internet as I was about to go to work and did not have time to investigate. I thought that he was at work, so did not feel the need to tell him then.

As soon as I saw him, I explained to him that the internet was down in all the area and BT were not able to tell me when it would be fixed.

Ref boiler - it's a tap - it has to be a lot of force to break it off.

Surely, after six months, you would know that a normal person does not turn off the basin water - and leave the rest of the water in the house intact.

ins and outs of what he should do or say aside, the dynamic between you isn't warm. I'd ask him if he agreed with that. Give him the opportunity to air all of grievances and then say that you don't want to share your home with somebody who feels that way. Then start again. It's a ROOM. He's a single man? It hasn't worked out.

I'd try again.

Penguin if I find the internet is down, my natural reaction is to assume there is something wrong with it, not that someone else has switched it off. Did you miss the bit where he didn't believe OP even when she had explained what the problem was?

It really isn't appropriate for a lodger to accuse his landlady of having mood swings just because she doesn't choose to be around to entertain him.

Arggh, autocorrect changed the spelling of Pengggwyn's name, not me, honest.

@CarysMa, I think that he has other lots of issues that he need to work on, he is too presumptuous, make hurtful comments/statements without thinking and thinks everything that is done is directed at him. This is not a young person, this is an adult in his mid 40s.

So sometimes, I am quiet - because I am working things in my head - so many things that I need to complete within a certain deadline and by no means does it mean that I have mood swings. Inappropriate choices of words - we all have limits, even the most tolerate person will soon stand up for themselves and their boundaries.

I do not like arguments with people and I am aware of my boundaries with people and respectful towards other people.

Just noting that he didn't text her in the middle of the night but at 8pm.

I got a new boiler 2 years ago. Every couple of months the water pressure drops. No big deal, I turn the tap, and a few seconds (literally) later it's back to normal. I've had the boiler serviced twice since then. Not by the plumber installed it the way. The guy who came out to service it the first time showed me what to do. There's no leak, just always been a problem with pressure of water coming in to the house. It is such a simple job, like bleeding a radiator. He's behaving like a child.

He sounds like a man-child. He wants you to be his mum, not his LL.
Give him notice and re-let the room to an adult.

A combi boiler has a sealed system. You fill that system- the pipe work- the radiators and pipes and boiler to a specific amount. Namely 1 to 1.5 bar.

If the pressure is dropping- it's because there is a leak. Water is escaping or the pressure would stay the same. It leaking. Either within the boiler or system. As it has been serviced , it's unlikely
To be the boiler and its pressure relief valve.

99% of pressure drops are leaks on a system. ALL customers insist there's no leak. They all ask for us to look. We can look at the valves but realistically we can't search beneath floorboards etc. It's always a leak. And it's not your tenants problem. Sorry.

If it's so simple to fix the boiler he shouldn't be insisting you do it all the time.

The thing is though, the OP isn't fixing the boiler. She is temporarily patching up a problem. It needs to be fixed properly.

Palace- I'm assuming you had a back boiler before? They weren't pressured systems. They were gravity fed so water lost was never detected. If you have a new boiler and are filling it regularly - you have a leak. Somewhere.
Under the floor or in the walls. It's there. Sorry

I think all these things could have been said nicely or nastily - sounds like they have not been said nicely.

I think that you are very generous letting him have heating on in the house as much as he wants particularly if he is makibg it too hot for you. Not saying that he needs to be cold but hopefully he is wearing a jumper and not expect it to be really really warm all the time. (I know you haven't said about that, just I have had experience of people who don't pay the bills thinking it is reasonable to keep the heating up high enough to be fine in a tshirt even in the depths of winter).

I would be really concerned that he had a fan heater in his room - not just because they are so expensive to run but because they can be so dangerous and a fire risk if used carelessly. Would be better to say he needs to have an oil filled radiator if he needs extra heat in his room.

Thank you, everyone, for such invaluable advice. I will call the plumber tomorrow to have another look at the boiler, water tank and investigate if there are any leaks. The last plumber checked the loft, outside the house and each radiator and found absolutely nothing.

@bunbunny, I think he has no sense of responsibility that other people have to pay bills and very quick to put the dishwasher on after each cooking regardless whether it's full or not and I have no ideas how long the fan heater is kept on.

Putting the dishwasher on could almost be seen by him that he was doing it for me - washing up after himself. Some of these issues, I don't really bother with - it's time-consuming.

you sound like a fair ll and he seems ott

my dsis is a lodger and shes not even alowed to touch the heating ll says its up them them to decide when they house is cold enough!

UPDATE*

The plumber came in today and was here for a good one hour and took the boiler to pieces trying to find the source of the problem and reassured me that I would not be having any more problems with water pressure; apparently, there was some water in the boiler and he drained it. There was no leaks - I will continue to monitor it.

As if this was not bad enough - my lodger wanted to talk to me after the plumber had left as I was on my way to work, something like he did not want to cause trouble in my home blah blah. I thought a reasonable person would have done what I did - when you're going out, turn the heating off - if you at home and feel cold, put the heating on - it's not rocket science. Why make things so complicated?

One of my clients had told me, "While you are working here, you are free to go to the fridge and make yourself any sandwich that you fancy!" How difficult is that? As long as I am not abusing my client's kindness and hospitality, I would have nothing to worry about. Life becomes easy, simple and uncomplicated plus we all get along.

I do not think that my client would take it kindly, if I expect the sandwiches to be made for me and someone's else to clean after me while I am at it.

I appreciate all the kind advice that I received on here. I have learned a lot. A Big thank you to everyone and Happy New Year