To think this is passive aggression?

[Vickers0009]

I am not sure if I am over reacting, but last night was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I have a lodger who is renting my room, he come across as mildly aggressive out with jive like - you have mood swings, (sometimes, I just enjoy my own time) and ask stupid questions such as "did you turn the internet off, do you need to use the kitchen? have you turned the water off? Little remarks, which I find really annoying and offensive at the best of time. Why would I turn the water off? When I explained that the all area had no internet - again, he did not believe this explanation, believing that I turned the internet off.

I have made it clear to him that the central heating is not on any timer - so, if he felt cold, he could turn it on at any time. Recently, I have been having problems with the water pressure, which causes the boiler to fails. I have shown to him how to increase the water pressure and get the heating back on, just incase I am not at home.

I have been down with a terrible cold and cough in the last few weeks and went to bed early last night. I woke to a text message telling me to do something about the central heating because the house was cold. I pointed out that I had already shown him how to increase the pressure if the boiler fails.

According to him he is not good at DIY. AIBU to expect that he should man up as it takes less than a minute to increase the water pressure?

Pengggwn
The hot water doesn't drop when he's trying to use it. RTFT.

I think you need to ask him to move out, as I read this as him finding reasons to deliberately needle you. Nothing is so urgent he needs to wake you, bar an emergency like a fire.

Regardless of whether he "should have to be opening taps every now and then (which doesn't sound a big deal) you can't live like this as you will be constantly on edge.

"His attitude is I must deliberately have done it"- sounds like he thinks he's the boss of you. It reads like an abusive partner would behave!

Thank you all! The fan heater is in his room, but I was not aware of this till last night. Previous lodgers always complains that the house was too hot and never needed an extra heater in the room.

I have shown him how to top up the water pressure in case of emergency, for instance, if I was not at home and the pressure has gone off.

I was around last night but ill in bed. The boiler is in the kitchen and would have noticed it displaying "F", which means there as not enough pressure in the tank. All he had to do was open the taps to allow more water and the boilers turns on instantly. No need to touch anything else.

He is not being considerate - he is accusing the op of turning the internet off! That is not normal- normal is ‘is the internet not working for you too?’ ‘Yes, there seems to be an outage, I’ve just phoned them’. I am completely unable at diy but agree the occasional turn a tap is not diy. I think you should just find another lodger, this one sounds annoying.

@Pengggwn, this has nothing to do with water. The fact that the water pressure dropped does not mean that there is no hot water. It takes a while for the house to get cold again.

Pengggwn

Really? It's the OPs job to get up in the middle of the night when she's poorly to turn a couple of taps because her lodger is incapable of being an adult? No, sorry, your stance is ridiculous. Boilers develop faults. They cannot always be identified and fixed immediately. If the boiler was unsafe the engineer servicing it would have informed the OP. The boiler has an intermittent fault that can, for the meantime, be fixed by turning a couple of taps. No big deal. Unless you're an entitled spoilt brat incapable of adulting, then it appears it's a huge deal

@timeisonaline, thank you! I think that the way we talk to others really matter. I can also understand if he had had to endure a day without hot water or heating. This has never happened with the exception of last night because I went to bed early.

I topped the pressure on the boiler and it was back on - despite the fact that he had a "fan heater" in his room, I did not know how long he wanted the heating on.

If you know there’s an issue with the boiler and you have a lodger, you need to boost the pressure proactively just a bit more frequently than it’s losing pressure, so set a daily/weekly alarm.

To answer your question, no, it is not passive aggression. Why do you need to slap a label on a lodger simply asking you to take responsibility for things that you are responsible for?

I think your boiler is not so much the issue as you and your lodger not being compatible.

2 second job or not, if you do it wrong you can fuck up your boiler

Yep. No way would I have a lodger doing this. If he does it wrong and knackers the boiler, OP has a costly bill on her hands. If you know it’s a problem, why wait until the heating fails to top it up? Why not check it once a week, that way you have better information to give to the plumber when they come to fix it. E.g the pressure drops by x amount every x days.

Fair enough. Whatever it is, though, it isn't his job. It's the OP's job.

When she's ill or out of the house, it's hardly unreasonable for the lodger to do it all by himself, just for once.

You really aren't reading the OP's posts, Pengggwyn. She's explained that she tried to get the boiler fixed and the engineer couldn't find the fault.

The OP never asked about whether or not the overall maintenance of the boiler was her responsibility. She asked if his behaviour was passive aggressive and part of that was that he saw fit to text her in the middle of the night demanding she get the boiler fixed when all he had to do was turn a couple of taps. Which she had shown him how to do. All he had to do was turn the taps and mention to her later he isn't entirely comfortable with it. That's it. He also has a fan heater in his room eating extra electricity that he isn't paying extra for, I can't for a minute entertain the thought that he was cold. In answer to your question OP btw, no, I wouldn't label his behaviour passive aggressive as such, but I would label it unpleasant and I'd be asking him to leave. His expectations of you and your capabilities are not reasonable. Unless of course you do possess some magic wand that can fix all of life's little inconveniences for everyone

Snowman, how is it "simply asking you to take responsibility for things that you are responsible for" to accuse your landlady of mood swings just because she likes time to herself occasionally?

His expectations of you ARE unreasonable sorry.

But, Pengggwyn, it's not unreasonable to expect the lodger to take 2 minutes very occasionally in applying a very easy remedy till OP can get it sorted. Being a lodger doesn't entitle you to expect a landlady to wave a wand to magic away household problems overnight.

@Snowman41, I was only addressing the issues regarding last night. I am responsible and accommodating - maybe too much. There has been other issues. Let's say that the choices of the words used are sometimes inappropriate and unnecessary. I choose to ignore it, otherwise, it would become too confrontational.

I take my responsibilities seriously and I would never want my lodger to sit in a cold house. I can also understand if he watches TV downstairs then last night would have been unfair without central heating on for a few hours. He does not, he seems to be in his room on his computer whenever he is at home. He has a fan heater in his room, so he was not disadvantaged last night because the boiler has failed.

So, Pengggwyn, any thoughts at all about the internet issue and accusing OP of mood swings, or are we going to fixate on the incredible unreasonableness of having to turn a couple of taps once or twice?

I think if you don't really like your lodger or find him annoying, then it's probably time to ask him to leave.