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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have said this? (will/inheritance related)

181 replies

Toblernone · 06/01/2018 02:48

(Have not been kept up by this, up anyway thanks to stomach bug!)

DParents visited a couple of days ago and were talking about redoing their will, as some bits are out of date and they want me to be executor so were asking my opinion. Size of estate will potentially (unless they need care) be decent but not huge (eg, definitely under IHT level) but would be a fairly life changing sum to me and DB. DB has chosen not to have kids and I have one teenage DD. No extended family apart from spouses.

DP's in passing asked my opinion on how to split the inheritance, suggesting either 2 ways between me and DB or 3 ways including my DD. I stressed it was up to them but that I felt it would be penalising DB for not having kids and would be best as 50-50. Since been told that was wrong by a close family friend as DD should have had input into what I suggested and I'd somehow 'done her over' by perhaps depriving her of money one day. I politely said it was my choice what opinion to give but was she at all right, especially as DD was in the room for this discussion and got no say in it or did I say the right thing?

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 06/01/2018 02:51

I agree with what you said originally 50-50 split. Also, bear in mind if good relations are kept up DD may well inherit from her Uncle anyway eventually. Do you all get on?

DidIDoTheWrongThing · 06/01/2018 02:52

You are right. It should be split 50/50 between you and your DB.

Any inheritance to your DD comes out of your own estate.

KC225 · 06/01/2018 02:53

I would have said that was fair, 50/50 with you and your brother.

MaitlandGirl · 06/01/2018 02:54

My parents have split their estate into 4 - 1/4 to each of their children and the remaining 1/4 to be split amongst the grandchildren. They felt that was fair as everyone gets something. My brother doesn’t have any children, my sister has 2 and I have 3.

They’ve also left specific bequests to the grandchildren - things that aren’t worth anything financially but have memories attached to them for each grandchild.

I don’t know if this is the fairest way but we’re all in agreement that it’s a good way of doing it.

Weezol · 06/01/2018 02:54

50/50 is the best bet. You might have more children, your brother might have some. Your DP's could be back and forth to the solicitor wasting money on fees.

Is the friend married to or a parent of a legal person by any chance? I ask because I have come across someone who seemed to think his his wife's law degree meant he was an authority on anything and everything.

Ylvamoon · 06/01/2018 02:57

In the end, it is your parents decision. But I have to agree with you, it should be 50:50 with DB. He might not have children now, but life is always evolving. A lot can happen between now and then!

Original poster
Toblernone · 06/01/2018 02:58

Thanks, yes DB and I are very close especially and hadn't thought of DD potentially inheriting from him, he's a bit spendy so not sure there'll ever be anything left but at least then it's his choice. And agree, DD should inherit from me rather than being 'lucky' enough to be the only grandchild.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toblernone · 06/01/2018 03:04

@MaitlandGirl that seems a fairer situation to me as it's a quarter and there's a few grandchildren so it's almost the same as a cash gift or bequest rather than being the same as the children get iyswim.

DB and wife are nearly 50 so assuming there won't be any more grandchildren but suppose you still never know.

And friend doesn't have a legal connection but does think of herself as some sort of money whizz and that you should always look out for number 1 Hmm

OP posts:
Topseyt · 06/01/2018 03:06

I think 50/50 is the best option, although it is obviously their decision in the end.

We have 3 DDs and our wills state that our estate should be split equally. That is the way it will remain.

Shinesweetfreedom · 06/01/2018 03:09

Since when does a child have input into a will,when there are.two siblings next in line for inheritance.
They are talking out of their butt.Done her over indeed.

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 03:09

I agree with you. Your DD will the inherit from you in the future.

lilydaisyrose · 06/01/2018 03:16

I agree that the fairest way is what you suggested, however in my own family, my parents have split their estate into /3s. 1/3 to my me, 1/3 to my childfree brother (who will remain so) and 1/3 to be distributed between their grandchildren (currently my 3 children - so if things stay as they are, they will each get /9th of any estate).

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 06/01/2018 05:04

If there was no will the law states that (if no surviving spouse) any children inherit the estate divided equally between them. Grandchildren only inherit in the event that there are no surviving children. You have absolutely done the right thing and your friend is being unreasonable.

BruceAndNosh · 06/01/2018 05:12

I suggest a specific bequest of cash sum to DD, then remainder 50/50 to you and DB

Intelinside · 06/01/2018 05:23

Yes, 50-50 spot on!

Onemorecupofcoffee - dylan reference in your name?

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 06/01/2018 05:28

My parent (and younger step-parent, so who knows what may happen between now and “then”) have decided to allocate a set sum to each DGC but this amount is deducted from each DC’s initial one third share, so one is childless and gets the full amount; 2 of us have 2 DC each so a chunk of ours is given over to our DCs (their DGCs).
At first I thought this is a strange way of doing it as the grandchildren have added joy to grandparents’ lives so why are they not treated as family members in their own right? Also, they specifically said they wanted DGC to have “something from them”; yet it definitely appears to be “something from their parents” if done this way! IYSWIM.
From reading previous AIBUs though I now think the solicitor must have advised them not to “penalise” the childless DC and also the general MN consensus is always “It’s their money so they can do what they like.” And so on that basis I give it no further thought!x

tombstoneteeth · 06/01/2018 05:28

Brucendnosh has nailed it. Only fair that the money is split between the children, with grandchildren being next in line. A cash bequest, however, is a nice touch.

Capelin · 06/01/2018 05:31

My parents have dealt with this issue by putting a sum of money in trust for their grandchildren (eg to spend on university fees or a house deposit) and the remainder split evenly between their children. They think this is the fairest way - not only to favour the family with more children, but also to give the money to the grandchildren at a time when they may need it most, rather than after their own parents’ deaths by which time they may be more financially secure.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 06/01/2018 05:35

onemorecupofcoffee Are you in England? I took from the Tv programme Heir Hunters that deceased DC’s shares are split between their own DC where there is no will meaning in this instance OP’s DD would get 50/50 with her Uncle if OP went first. Not that the OP’s brother would get everything and her DD nothing. I’m off to google!

Piewraith · 06/01/2018 05:52

Agree that 50/50 would be the fairest. If you think DB would be fine with it, another good idea would be a smaller percentage share for Dgc, like 5-10%.

My grandfather owned a somewhat fancy car at the time of his death, and willed that the proceeds of this were to be split between the grandchildren, with the rest of the estate split between the children. Something like this could work, but as you say, you don't know what if any of the estate will remain after care fees etc when DPs pass away, hopefully many years from now. Which is why I think making it a percentage would be best and would save revising the will.

Frogletmamma · 06/01/2018 06:10

A 50/50 split is fairest but maybe they could consider a specific request of jewellery or similar to DD so she had a keepsake. DB less likely to want this.

ivykaty44 · 06/01/2018 06:19

Of course you said the correct thing - your opinion was sought and you gave that opinion.

Problem lies with other family member not liking your opinion and therefore telling you that your opinion is wrong due to dusagreeing

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 06:39

50/50.

areyoubeingserviced · 06/01/2018 06:50

You did the right thing. Definitely 50/50
A work colleague of mine has two siblings. They have chosen not to have children, my colleague has four. Despite this his parents have divided the money into three

GreenSeededGrape · 06/01/2018 06:52

I'm one of 2 and also executor for my DP. They wanted to split 50/50 with me and dsis but if something happened to one of us then the other sibling would get 100% and could (would be expected) to share to the others dc.

I told them they should put it in the will the our share if we were to pass begore, would be split amongst our dc.

I think discussing money and having to make such decisions while dealing with grief is a bit unfair which they did agree with.

PS have just got over stomach bug, you have my sympathies!