AIBU to have said this? (will/inheritance related)

[Toblernone]

(Have not been kept up by this, up anyway thanks to stomach bug!)

DParents visited a couple of days ago and were talking about redoing their will, as some bits are out of date and they want me to be executor so were asking my opinion. Size of estate will potentially (unless they need care) be decent but not huge (eg, definitely under IHT level) but would be a fairly life changing sum to me and DB. DB has chosen not to have kids and I have one teenage DD. No extended family apart from spouses.

DP's in passing asked my opinion on how to split the inheritance, suggesting either 2 ways between me and DB or 3 ways including my DD. I stressed it was up to them but that I felt it would be penalising DB for not having kids and would be best as 50-50. Since been told that was wrong by a close family friend as DD should have had input into what I suggested and I'd somehow 'done her over' by perhaps depriving her of money one day. I politely said it was my choice what opinion to give but was she at all right, especially as DD was in the room for this discussion and got no say in it or did I say the right thing?

Only thing to add is you might want your DParents to specify what would happen if you/DB predeceases them. This happened in our family (with a very substantial estate); it was resolved amicably, but given the sums involved, it could have been very different. Don't assume your parents would be able to change their will if that happened; in our case, the remaining parent had dementia when their (adult) child died, so no longer had capacity.

I always think that anyone who forgoes any income to provide eldercare should be entitled to recompense in some form from the estate. For example, lost wages, travel expenses etc. In a situation I know of grandchildren will inherit a large portion, their parents some and a childfree sibling who provides most of the actual care will get some, but not enough to really cover expenses, IFKYIM. That seems awfully unfair to me.

Should be 50/50 between you and your brother. When you die your daughter gets your inheritance then. That is, unless, your parents decide to leave your daughter a smaller set amount in their will

We’ve been talking about our wills and we’ve decided to keep it as simple as possible. When one of us dies everything passes to the other, and when the second one dies it’s split 4 ways between DH’s children and my godchildren. If something happens to one of them before we die the inheritance will then be split 3 ways and so on.

Absolutely agree. Before my parents split they’d talked of leaving my dd and sisters 2 ds’s a house each. We BOTH said we were uncomfortable with this as dN2 could potentially only be 19 or something and to suddenly be in possession of a whole house ... we felt it should be to us children then WE can help our own children appropriately when we feel they’re ready

New step mum has likely now benefited instead 😂

50/50 is fair. I am an only grandchild and know that I am not in the (remaining grandparent's) will: the money will go to my parent and their sibling. And that is fine.

My DB and I were in a broadly similar situation with my elderly DM. Both married, me childless but DB has a DD. My mums estate was a clear 50:50 split between us with mum saying that DB’s daughter will benefit from DB’s share and she will eventually inherit from her own parents (my DB). She also left small specific bequests to a friend and to my cousin who had been very caring and supportive to her in her later years due to him living very close by and us being 45 miles away.

50/50 is fair. It's surely up to parents to provide for their children in turn. As the childfree sibling of three sisters I would not have been happy if my own DPs had done anything other than a fair division.

You were asked for your opinion and you gave it. And I think yours was quite reasoned too. Just because someone disagrees with your opinion it doesnt mean you are UR.

PinkSparklyPussyCat - that is not so simple though when you look deeper -

are you saying for instance that if one of your DH's kids dies before the 2 of you, but has children, those children do not inherit anything?

My mother split the bulk of her estate between her children, with much smaller sums to each of her grand- and great grandchildren.
Unless there are v strong reasons why not, I think the bulk should be split between children.

They can always pass some (or all) of the money on straightaway to their own children if they want to - as many people I know, including me, have done anyway.

OP, you made the right decision.

Why is the family friend involved? And was it the FF who brought it up with your Dd in tne room?

Ff needs to mind their own business!

Why is it your friends business? 50:50 is the fairest, if your db never had children your dd may inherit his portion anyway.

50/50 is good imo.

Or maybe 45 / 10 / 45?

DB and you are clearly the ones that get the most and your DD gets a little something? (More like a ‘cash gift’?)

50% for DB, 45% for you and 5% for your DD would be an option as well... this way your DD gets something but DB isn’t penalised for being childless.

If the estate is big enough it would be nice if DD inherited a token amount (i.e. £1-2k) from her GPs to know they were thinking if her, then the rest split 50/50.

I can't see the problem with it being split also with GC if that's what someone wants to do.

If MIL & FIL will each leave to each other iyswim, FIL would then leave everything to my husband, MIL would leave 50% to husband, 25% each to our kids.

50/50 and I would then make a gift from my share to my child.

Bruce's suggestion is a good compromise.

I think 50/50 is fairest, and similarly for example
PIL are leaving theirs equally to their three kids despite everyone having different numbers of kids/circumstances.

However my grandmother split her estate three ways to her only descendants, my dad, uncle and me. It didn't cause any problems with my uncle but probably could have done.

50:50 between the OP and her brother seems obvious, but not everyone goes down this route.

Friend of mine's father split his estate four ways - 25% for each of his son, daughter, and each of two grandchildren.
The son was very angry, but the father's view was that he'd given each of his own kids substantial funds in their lives already and that the grandchildren needed more of a 'foot on the ladder' as uni fees and housing is more expensive these days.

Some things to consider:

• large sums left to the parents of grandchildren may make their estate liable to higher inheritance tax when they die
• parents 'pot' at end of life may be used up by care fees and there will be nothing left to pass onto grandchildren
• grandchildren have their own tax-free allowances, so money left directly to them can utilise these (whereas parents can only gift money which doesn't attract annual interest of more than £100 per year before it is taxed at the parents' rate)

Definitely the right thing - my DM's will leaves everything split between her 4 grandchildren (not that there's a lot to leave). I can't have children and it was a bit of a slap in the face TBH, but hey, ho, her money at the end of the day.

Other scenarios to consider are:

• what if the OP and her DB share inheritance with intention to pass onto (grand)children later, but then one of them dies and their partner remarries? The inherited money would form part of the estate that was passed onto the surviving spouse, and a future step-parent would have no obligation to pass on anything to the children, unless it was documented in some way. Then the 'inherited money' would pass out of the 'blood family' and the grandchildren would have no claim/benefit.

Seriously OP - might be better to get some advice on this. Find a STEP practitioner (most will give you a first 1/2 hour free).

Seriously OP - might be better to get some advice on this. Find a STEP practitioner (most will give you a first 1/2 hour free).

Absolutely.

They are yours and DB's parents. Their estate should deb split 50/50 between the 2 children/ Your DD will inherit your estate which may include some from your parents.

Why would anyone think that a teenager should have input into their DGP's will?

50:50 OP unless you want to cause a rift between you and your brother. If he had 3 children and you had none would you suggest that it should be a 80:20 split in his favour?

A small bequest to grandchildren (and anyone else they're fond of) and then 50/50