AIBU to have said this? (will/inheritance related)

[Toblernone]

(Have not been kept up by this, up anyway thanks to stomach bug!)

DParents visited a couple of days ago and were talking about redoing their will, as some bits are out of date and they want me to be executor so were asking my opinion. Size of estate will potentially (unless they need care) be decent but not huge (eg, definitely under IHT level) but would be a fairly life changing sum to me and DB. DB has chosen not to have kids and I have one teenage DD. No extended family apart from spouses.

DP's in passing asked my opinion on how to split the inheritance, suggesting either 2 ways between me and DB or 3 ways including my DD. I stressed it was up to them but that I felt it would be penalising DB for not having kids and would be best as 50-50. Since been told that was wrong by a close family friend as DD should have had input into what I suggested and I'd somehow 'done her over' by perhaps depriving her of money one day. I politely said it was my choice what opinion to give but was she at all right, especially as DD was in the room for this discussion and got no say in it or did I say the right thing?

YANBU. They'll probably choose to leave her a few thousand in any case.

My parents estate is sizeable, I have one unmarried and as yet child free brother and I am married with four children. My parents have split everything 50/50 and have set up a trust for uni fees etc for their grandchildren. I think your friend WBU, but ultimately its up to your parents how they structure their will. (Friends of my parents got so fed up with their children squabbling over who would get what, the vast bulk went to charity and they got token sums...)

Your friend is being massively unreasonable.

50/50 between the direct children of the parents is the way to go.

Even though DB doesn't have any children now, whose to say they might not in the future (miracle conception? adoption? Who knows). What would happen then, if the gp have died but only one grandchild has received anything? What an unequal mess that would be.

"Close family friend" is talking nonsense. Am solicitor in this area and 50/50 is the norm and what almost everyone opts for and is fairest. You never know what life may throw at you and your brother.

The risk with cash bequests is that they can end up not achieving what was intended.

So say the estate is currently worth £200k. Left as follows:

£10k to GD
Residue (so currently £190k) split between OP. All well and what was intended.

Care home fees can eat up an estate very quickly. A few years in care home could reduce an estate to £25k.

£10k to GD could leave just £15k to split between OP and DB. Not at all what was originally intended.

I think 50/50 is the most future proof way to go.

It's trickier if the grandchildren are adults...but were I writing a will for my children, no way would I add children unless they were adults with their own families.

We have done ours 50:50, i.e. equal shares per child but if the child dies leaving grandchildren their children (i.e. grandchildren) take their parents share split equally among them. Equal shares per stirpes and all that.

i.e. YANBU

My mother has done 10% to the 2gcs. Both my sibling and I have one dc. 40% to my sibling and myself.

If your mother does want to give something to your dd, perhaps this could be an option. That would still give your brother 45%, which is a relatively negligible deduction I imagine.

I think your brother should have input into this decision as well so that he doesn’t feel his inheritance has been taken behind his back. Inheritance is an emotive issue.

P.S. side note, I don't get why grand parents think they can overide the parents. Ultimately they brought the parents into the world so it seems logical to me to favour them over grandchildren - and if they've raised their children right then said children will make the appropriate provisions for their children (i.e. grandchildren).

I guess people who don't just pass on to their children but have some trust issues with their children eh?

*but should read MUST

Just for context, I have already bought 2 BTL properties for my child who is less than 2 and future child that will hopefully be paid off by the time they are 18 - so I have made provisions for them for uni and house deposit etc.

My parents are splitting inheritance amongst me and my sibling who doesn't have children. I think this is fair.

I agree with the 50:50 split as well, although not everyone would.

My greatgrandparents (gen 0) had mirror wills, and they left the house primarily to each other, but then to their 2 offspring (gen 1), split evenly. Their offspring both lived in the house (a large one) with their spouses and children (gen 2).
When it came to their deaths, one had one child, and the other had 2 children.
One of the 2 gen 2 children felt that the house should be split 3 ways, but it was pretty clear from the original Will that the house was split half to one of the gen 1 offspring, and half to the other gen1 offspring - so one of the gen 2 children got half the house, and the other 2 gen 2 children got 1/4 each.

They weren't happy! But that's how the Will worked. And that was what is fair.

Double.

Just FYI. The iht rules have changed for rental property. You will need to gift while you’re still alive, which I assume is your intention.

I agree with your suggestion of 50/50 split. I’m in a similar position but am the no children sibling. In my will I leave a good percentage of my estate to my ds children.

Many of the current generation of GPs are the first to have estates to leave (first property owners). They want to recognise GCs. I know this was the case for both my GPs and DH's.

My GM left cash bequests to GCs which practically wiped out her estate.

DH's GF had to be strongly advised against naming his GCs individually. At the time of writing his Will this would have been a nice thing but would have disinherited the GCs who were born later.

I think your suggestion is fair and reasonable. Your only mistake was discussing finances with friends.

People are very very odd about money. It's really can bring out the worst in people! You often hear of family's fall no to pieces over wills etc. I think it would be best for your parents to decide (in my opinion on to go with your suggestions) and then let all involved ie you, your DB and DD know the plan!

Money can make people greedy and ugly. Your friend sounds like one of those people- You have been fair OP!

My PIL have recently changed their will from 50/50 for my DH and his sister to 25% SIL, 25% DH and 50% to our two children. They announced it in front of us all at a Christmas get together. I was mortified.

My SIL has no children (and unlikely to at 46 with a husband who doesn't want them, although she did want them). I feel awful for her that they have changed it so heavily in our children's favour. I've asked my DH to speak to his parents about this, as I just feel it's so unfair on his sister, particularly as she changed her mind not wanting children after she married, but her husband never did. It feels like this is rubbing her nose in it even more. But DH is unsure of how to approach it.

50/50 is the fairest way and I find it inappropriate to discuss your parents will with anyone else.

Tell your "friend" to keep her nose out

She sounds very interfering!!!

Every will I've either benefitted from or made myself has been on the basis of equal split between siblings. If one sibling dies before distribution their share is split between their direct descendants. Absolutely fair, does not penalise anyone for their life choices, and doesn't stop making sense if more people have more children than expected.

"... if some people have more..."

50/50 here - with it written that should one of us pre-decease our mum, the money will go to any surviving children.

My mum did it so it was split (after charity donations which were the biggest bequests) 50% to my dad and the remaining 50% split equally between me and my brother.

Dad rewrote his will after Mum died last year, and it’s split 3 ways. 1/3 to me, 1/3 to my brother and the remaining 1/3 to be split equally between any grandchildren. I’m firmly hoping it will be many, many years before we even need to think about it, and my brother and his fiancée are planning (all being well) to start a family after they marry next year.

When my parents re did their will the split was a quarter each between us four offspring, which was perfectly fair. They died and that is what happened. Grandchildren obviously benefitted through the generosity of their respective parents, but of course, they will eventually inherit one day too. I think that is the right way. Of course they might have to wait many years - two of us were already retired when my parents died.

I think 50:50 is fairest.

If you would like to give your DD a sum from it you can, and she will eventually inherit it anyway