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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect him to be old enough for this!?

112 replies

waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:01

DS is 3. He turns 4 in August and starts school the following month when he will be 4yrs and 3wks old.

He is not even slightly interested in potty training.

Everyone I have spoken to has said to let him lead but it is starting to get a bit concerning now. He is the very last of all the kids I know of his age to start and his older siblings were both showing signs at 2 and using the loo by 2 and a half. Am I expecting too much of him?

I put him on the loo first thing in the morning. He isn't afraid just refuses to do anything on there. He has a lightweight plastic potty, a bumbo potty and we have a family seat installed.

I am at a loss to know what to do, it sounds silly but he almost seems like he knows what to do but just can't be arsed!

OP posts:
Pinkhoodie · 05/01/2018 15:13

I haven't got any great advice as this is currently on my list of things to do with ds2.

But my ds1 was 3yo and 3months when he eventually came out of nappies. He just wasn't interested before that. It was a good 6 months before he was dry at night.

He just seemed to have no clue he was weeing and putting him in pants just resulted in several wet puddles. I eventually put pants on inside the nappy so saved the mess but it seemed to lick with them that he was wet and he started asking for the toilet.

What does your HV say?

Pinkhoodie · 05/01/2018 15:14

'Click' with him

KimmySchmidt1 · 05/01/2018 15:15

I personally think that if it was left up to them most men would still be wearing bloody nappies.

Has he taught himself to read yet? No?

If I were you I would definitely sit him down and explain why it is important to learn to use the toilet, and that you are going to start teaching him to grow up out of nappies.

What harm is there in encouraging him to get on with it? There is no physical reason why he can't, and at some point he will have to realise that some things in life cannot be put off forever/taken at one's own misguidedly slow pace.

NeepNeepNeep · 05/01/2018 15:17

I would stop potty training for a few weeks, mention nothing about it then try again. Much chocolate button bribery.

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:19

Thanks, I am going to try the pants inside the nappy. Must admit that I have been ok with just waiting for him to show signs up until now - didn't like the thought of pee soaked everything - but I am a bit worried about the school situation

Incidentally I reckon he will pick up learning to read quicker than potty training.

OP posts:
TuckMyWin · 05/01/2018 15:19

What happens if you just take his nappy off?

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:20

very open to bribery.

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 05/01/2018 15:20

He’s not even 3 and a half yet. There is time. And even if he isn’t ready by September, you can defer his school start for a year.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 05/01/2018 15:21

Which I personally would do.

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:21

if I take his nappy off he wets himself. He will sometimes tell me if he has pooped his nappy but thats all and usually not straight away. So frustrating but I know its not worth actually feeling stressed about iykwim

OP posts:
TeeBee · 05/01/2018 15:21

Can you get him to hang out with kids that are out of nappies, so he wants to copy them?

LemonBreeland · 05/01/2018 15:22

I would go cold turkey. It will be horrible, but I think with a DC this stubborn it's the only thing that works.

My DD was well over 3 and needed to be out of nappies fro school nursery. She was not interested at all, but I was sure she was capable. I went full cold turkey and refused to put her back in nappies and she was fine in 3 days.

elliejjtiny · 05/01/2018 15:22

None of mine were potty trained at your son's age. I wouldn't worry at this stage. My youngest is the same age and he isn't ready yet.

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:22

And even if he isn’t ready by September, you can defer his school start for a year

whole other minefield - I tried and was met with obstacles at almost every turn. Thankfully I have found a local school who are supportive and so I think we will be delaying slightly if needed but I still need to get his application in

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 05/01/2018 15:23

My daughter was TOTALLY disinterest until 3.5. I tried at 2, 2.5 and 3 with completely no success. We tried at 3.5 and bingo - she was dry in 3 days. I'd not worry yet.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 05/01/2018 15:23

When he is on the loo does he have a book or tablet he can read/play with while he is there? Do you entertain him to keep him there until something happens?

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:23

Can you get him to hang out with kids that are out of nappies, so he wants to copy them?

he does! every single one of them is out of nappies now and its something we talk about

OP posts:
cheerybigbottom · 05/01/2018 15:23

My son was 3 years 3 months when out of nappies too. He didn’t care a jot before that when setting himself, once walked around the house at 3 yrs 1 month leaving poops behind him and I’m like omg, how could you not notice? 🤪

Potty trained in a week third time potty training. By day 3 no accidents so I knew to continue that time. It was one of the worst parts of parenting I’ve so far experienced just due to the sheer worry beforehand 😄

Original poster
waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:25

We tried at 3.5 and bingo - she was dry in 3 days. I'd not worry yet

None of mine were potty trained at your son's age. I wouldn't worry at this stage

thanks! needed to hear this I think x

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 05/01/2018 15:26

You just need a bit of persistence. Ditch the nappies and a couple of consecutive days of getting wet and he’ll start to understand it. He’s defo old enough, some children just take a bit more persuading than others.

NeepNeepNeep · 05/01/2018 15:27

You have 8 months. I wouldn't worry about it. I found it very hard and boring too! I would stop for a while then have a fresh start. Some kids just aren't ready until they are.

NeepNeepNeep · 05/01/2018 15:27

Is he dry at night?

Firenight · 05/01/2018 15:28

My son was 4 years and 9 months. I kid you not. We had been trying for 2 years before he cracked it and even then he had occasional accidents until he was nearly 6.

I was lucky he’s an October baby so was just about reliable enough for school. So you have my sympathy on this.

Cold turkey worked for us in the end. It took 5 days of no success at all before we had a tiny glimmer of hope.

He’s 8 now and still hasnt cracked being dry at night.

RavingRoo · 05/01/2018 15:29

I agree with cold turkey. Just withdraw nappies

FizzyGreenWater · 05/01/2018 15:29

Same here. Don't stress.

None of mine trained before 3, nearer 3.5.

I could probably have TOILED away at it a bit earlier, and after spending endless hours washing bedding and emptying potties, maybe they would have been trained a couple of months earlier at the most?

I didn't. They didn't seem ready so I left it. At 3.3 -3.5, they all seemed much more understanding of the process, we went cold turkey with pants and literally after a day of wet pants it was pretty much cracked. They knew what to do and they were ready so they did it.

We never really had a potty training phase at all.

Don't stress. Leave it for a bit, you certainly have plenty of time before school.

Anecdotally it does seem that late starting ones 'get it' much quicker when they do. They are ready to use the loo rather than being ready to get the the concept of trying to remember to ask to use a potty, iyswim.