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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect him to be old enough for this!?

112 replies

waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:01

DS is 3. He turns 4 in August and starts school the following month when he will be 4yrs and 3wks old.

He is not even slightly interested in potty training.

Everyone I have spoken to has said to let him lead but it is starting to get a bit concerning now. He is the very last of all the kids I know of his age to start and his older siblings were both showing signs at 2 and using the loo by 2 and a half. Am I expecting too much of him?

I put him on the loo first thing in the morning. He isn't afraid just refuses to do anything on there. He has a lightweight plastic potty, a bumbo potty and we have a family seat installed.

I am at a loss to know what to do, it sounds silly but he almost seems like he knows what to do but just can't be arsed!

OP posts:
lookingforthecorkscrew · 05/01/2018 15:59

I have a completely unbribeable DS. He’d make a great spy!

MycatsaPirate · 05/01/2018 16:00

DD2 showed zero interest in potty training and was still in nappies at 3. Eventually, as others have said, she made the decision herself to use the toilet and it was pretty much instant with hardly any accidents. She was 4.5 when she was dry at night.

I'd give it a rest, you can try again later on in the year when he may be more receptive.

waterrat · 05/01/2018 16:01

I would just take his pants and nappies off stick close to home and go cold turkey.bribe the hell out of him and accept lots of accidents.

He needs to have the accidents and feel himself going so that he connects it to the full bladder etc

RainbowWish · 05/01/2018 16:01

My wee boy is 2 and can somerimes tell me when he pees/poops but he is still not yet at the stage of using the potty yet.
I take him to the toilet with me and I have his little potty he sits on while I go just to get him familiar with it.

On the other hand my daughter was 3.5/4 before she was able to tell me she needed to go. She was terrified to go on the potty/toilet anything. She had no intreast whatsoever to learn.

She would wet herself in nursery. I was getting stressed as she was going to school and the more stressed I got the worse it got.

Its hard but he will get there in time.
Maybe like I have done you could leave the potty out all the time so its not so scary.
There is also fun stories.
But don't put too much pressure yet he is still quite little to start training. Flowers

PocketCoffeeEspresso · 05/01/2018 16:02

I was there (4 and 2 weeks when DS1 started school) - he went to school with changes of trousers, which were used 3 or 4 times a week that first term (due to routine, generally just wee thank goodness). Weirdly we had poos sorted way before wees - although he didn't stand up to wee for another couple of years.

DS1 was just scared witless of falling in! He used that insert seat until his bum barely fit!

School were lovely though, and he got there in the end (by Christmas he was reliable). Is it a friendly school?

Floellabumbags · 05/01/2018 16:03

You've got 9 months to sort this so try not to stress. DS was a horror. We did a potty training reward chart with a present at the end. He did a full week nappy free, got his present then put a nappy on and refused the potty for another 8 weeks.

If you're worried about school you could maybe look into deferring. This is something we did with DS and it has teally benefitted him.

Frouby · 05/01/2018 16:05

I trained ds at 2.5 with chocolate sweeties (think they were mini eggs) in a little tub (about 10 at a time). Sweetie everytime he used the toilet. And when the pot was empty he got to chose a toy from the charity shop. Took about a week and 4 tubs for it to click.

A wee was 1 sweetie, a poo was 2 sweeties. The charity shop is his favourite place so it worked really well for us.

Tho announcing to the lady serving in front of a queue of people that he had come for his wee and poo toy was a bit cringey.

Bribery definetly works well here. And by giving a small reward and a bigger incentive to empty his pot he was keen to.use the toilet even once the novelty of sweets had worn off.

c3pu · 05/01/2018 16:07

I have much sympathy, I have a 7 year old DS2 who never had any interest in becoming toilet trained and still is extremely reluctant to go and do a poo on the toilet unprompted.

His older brother was a piece of cake and was all done and dusted well before he started school!

lookingforthecorkscrew · 05/01/2018 16:07

I’d love to know how to do it when cold turkey AND bribes don’t work. Nobody ever seems to have a strategy for that!

Super123 · 05/01/2018 16:08

I definitely wouldn't go cold turkey.

He doesn't sound ready and you realise this.

I'd take the pressure off him and you for a while.

He could start school the next September and still go into reception. It's worth considering this as he is so young.

reallyanotherone · 05/01/2018 16:09

What harm is there in encouraging him to get on with it? There is no physical reason why he can't, and at some point he will have to realise that some things in life cannot be put off forever/taken at one's own misguidedly slow pace

How do you know there’s no physical reason he can’t? Children develop the subconscious muscle control they need at different rates, and they also need to be able to recognise the biofeedback of wetness and the miscle activity to stop it.

Toilet training, particularly at night, is often due to slow maturation of hormones and muscle control. It’s not always something you can “train”. As people who have had kids out of nappies for a year or more still cleaning up accidents can tell you.

O/p mine were both kids that suddenly clicked. They went from absolutely no interest, to taking their own nappies off and insisting they needed a wee. They were dry in the day from that point. Nights were the same, albeit much later at 7, but one day they wet every night, then they woke up dry and that was it.

ObscuredbyFog · 05/01/2018 16:10

Saw this highly recommended on another thread recently.

images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51ZHYxzeYBL.SX331_BO1,204,203,200.jpg

PurpleMinionMummy · 05/01/2018 16:11

My ds was the age yours is now when he potty trained. Give it. A few months and I'm sure it will be done and dusted in no time.

LadyPenelope68 · 05/01/2018 16:16

You’ve another 9 mo the before he starts school, so not sure why you’re stressing so much. Sounds like he’s just not ready, just leave it and try again in a couple of months. Personally I don’t agree with going cold turkey for something like this.

Sarahh2014 · 05/01/2018 16:16

My son was v reluctant and he's just become fully dry at nearly 4.to start we got some character stickers and told him he could have one for a wee 2 for a poo and he seemed to like this.The most difficult thing for us was doing a poo but the more he got into the sticker thing he actually started looking forward to doing them as got a 'reward' .To tackle not wetting the bed we wake him when we go to bed and he does a wee half asleep then straight back to bed.This is working for us

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 16:16

looking bribes didn't work on my DC3 until there was something he actually wanted... The usual sweets/stickers/ choose a theoretical toy was of no interest. Maybe there will be something your DS wants at some point... Otherwise I suppose you have to set a point in your mind (say the beginning of July before they start school in Sept) when you inform them in no uncertain terms that there will be no more nappies, and take time off to stay home (hopefully in the garden...) for a week bare arsed with potty and toilet available, praising positive attempts ... If that doesn't work by nearly 4 it probably is time to seek health visitor or GP advice as there might be a physical reason.

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:18

You are not alone.

My ds is 4 next month and is a complete pants refuser. He can use the toilet and does occasionally (And I start to think finally we've cracked it) but he point blank refuses to entertain pants to the point of complete and utter distress. He will not put them on and that's for us, for both of the settings he attends, for relatives he loves - everyone.

I've tried stickers (lost interest) chocolate, sweets, toy incentives, being encouraging, being strict, ignoring it, focusing on it - you name it I've tried it in the last year.

I've asked for advice from the health visitor, nursery, I even asked the GP but they are at a loss too.

juniorcakeoff · 05/01/2018 16:18

Take the nappies / pull ups off. If he is of average size, go straight to toilet rather than potty. When he wets himself, get him to put the wet things in the washing machine. When he wees in toilet, he gets to flush it. Consider chocolate buttons /stickers.Get siblings to bang on about how he is a big boy like them. Buy a trillion pairs of cheap pants and stick it out. Vast majority of children are 'trainable' at this age. Often there is no motivation for the child to want to toilet train and you need to show them why wearing pants is better for them as well as your pocket.

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:19

My toy incentive was a paw patrol sea patrolled (yep I'm feeling that under pressure from everyone on why he isn't potty trained) and even that wasn't enough to persuade him

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 16:21

colleys if its just the pants could he not go commando :o Loose baggy trousers or shorts without pants for a while, and later you can introduce pants. We did that with all of ours the first few days anyway, as pants feel a lot like pull ups and they can forget they aren't wearing a nappy.

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:22

Ive talked to him about being a big boy and going school and copying his older brother and all I get is "I'm not going to school. I don't want to be big. I'm going to stay at home and be a baby"

Answer for everything does my ds

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:23

Oh lordy when i siggested that the hysterics just went up several notches. I am all out of ideas.

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 16:23

colleys my DC3 said that too! Maybe its a youngest child thing - my older two have always indulged and doted on their little brother, guess he knew he was onto a good thing being a baby!

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:24

Sorry that was to Evelyn.

I've hijacked your thread op but atleast you are not alone!! Grin

catkind · 05/01/2018 16:26

DS got to about that age and we decided it was time to step in and make sure it happened. I'm very glad we did. He had got into the habit of dribbling into his nappy every 20 minutes or so so of course he never felt like he needed a pee. There was nothing physical stopping him, just bad habits; it took a week to make serious inroads, 3 weeks to get reliable. Physically he was quite capable.

How we did it was: no nappy, no bottom halves on at all, lots of towels around, and try sitting on the potty for a few minutes every half hour to see if anything happens.

Oh, and make sure every accident resulted in a trip to the bathroom, full change and generally took much longer than a trip to the potty. DS is still the same now at 8. Won't change a bad habit for reward or punishment or reasoning or begging. We have to make doing the right thing less hassle than doing the wrong thing.

If there's a barrier actually getting a pee in the potty in the first place, one friend's tip was feed them squash, try 20 minutes later and watch a video or something on there so they sit for a bit. The first one is usually an accident, after that they start to get the feel for what to do. Once they can deliberately go, it all becomes easier.