Page 2 | AIBU to expect him to be old enough for this!?

waffilyversati1e · 2018-01-05T15:01:44+00:00

DS is 3. He turns 4 in August and starts school the following month when he will be 4yrs and 3wks old. He is not even slightly interested in potty training. Everyone I have spoken to has said to let him lead but it is starting to get a bit concerning now. He is the very last of all the kids I know of his age to start and his older siblings were both showing signs at 2 and using the loo by 2 and a half. Am I expecting too much of him? I put him on the loo first thing in the morning. He isn't afraid just refuses to do anything on there. He has a lightweight plastic potty, a bumbo potty and we have a family seat installed. I am at a loss to know what to do, it sounds silly but he almost seems like he knows what to do but just can't be arsed!

TheFrendo · 05/01/2018 15:33

Yes, stop using nappies.

dontstopthepeach · 05/01/2018 15:34

My August-born son wasn't dry until he was 3 1/2, and then he was dry at night the same week! Once he'd got it, he'd got it, iyswim. Way more straightforward than my daughter who was out of nappies at 2 1/2 but would have frequent accidents for years afterwards.

NerrSnerr · 05/01/2018 15:38

My daughter is the same age and after 6 months of trying we’re back in pull-ups. Just wearing knickers hasn’t worked so we’re taking a few months off and will start again.

TwoBlueFish · 05/01/2018 15:38

DS2 is a late August baby, he potty trained in a week in the July.

He was never particular interested even though we had potties around etc. Bit of bribery and a few accidents and that was it.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 05/01/2018 15:38

It’s only January. A couple of weeks is all that’s needed to crack potty training. Summer time, in the garden with just pants and no shorts on will make it so much easier for both of you.

IMO boys tend to be ‘lazier’ at potty training, but come this summer when he is almost 4 he should find it very easy.

zzzzz · 05/01/2018 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merryoldgoat · 05/01/2018 15:40

So your son is 3 yrs and 4 months so a little on the outer edges of 'normal' potty training age but still not when I'd worry.

My son was the same. I tried a few times around 3 and 3.5 and it was an unmitigated disaster and very stressful. He had no interest but he very clearly had bladder control.

When he was about to start nursery he was 3y 8m and still not interested. The week before I decided to try again. It was bizarre - it was like it just 'clicked' this time. It took 3 days and I didn't really do much. 1 day of pissing everywhere, next two days he got weeing and poos came a few days later.

He had about 3/4 accidents at nursery total and that's it.

It took another few months to get him weeing in the loo and then pooing a bit after that. I let him go at his pace but was also quite firm that he had to think about trying to do it.

I would say don't bypass the potty, get a seat when transitioning to the loo and be patient. Get him in some pants and let the fun begin. Let him wee himself and see what happens when he realises. That's what worked for us - he moved to the potty of his own accord. He's only ever wet the bed once too - as soon as he was dry during the day he was dry at night too.

It's really stressful I know but I promise he'll get it!

Oldraver · 05/01/2018 15:42

It may just click OP.

My DS was 4 in the January with a September school start and hadn't shown any signs of wanting to use the potty. We were going on holiday for January so thought I would make a start on it when we came back (thought 9 hours on a plane and traipsing round theme parks would be easier in nappies).

He decided on the flight he wanted to use the toilet nosy bugger and was fascinated by the different toilets so we only had wee's in nappies from then on...then ditched the nappies when we came home

He was virtually trained overnight, went straight to toilet with very few accidents. I'm glad I didnt force it

BlueSkyBurningBright · 05/01/2018 15:42

My DS was not interested in potty training either. I think he was about 3.5 when we did it. I tried full on bribery in the end.

He got a chocolate coin every time he did a wee/poo in the loo/potty.
We did a star chart with a toy he wanted. Every time he did a poo/wee he got a star.
I kept a pile of comics he liked and would read them to him when he was on the toilet. He would sit there for ages looking at the magazines.

It worked after a week or so.

He did not get dry at night till he was 6. I had to use an alarm in the end.

Aliasgrace1 · 05/01/2018 15:42

I tried and tried with one of my twin boys and nothing worked, he decided one week before his 4th birthday that he didn't want to wear nappies anymore! His brother was easy! I wouldn't push it until he is ready

FraterculaArctica · 05/01/2018 15:43

Those of you who say just ditch the nappies - how does this help with a kid who doesn't care about being wet or dirty or making a mess? My DS is 3.9 and we have been potty training over a year but he still has accidents most days - just can't be bothered. Incentives and rewards lost their novelty a long time ago. I don't think he's going to be fully trained in September either and he's by no means young for the year.

NeepNeepNeep · 05/01/2018 15:45

This organisation has some really helpful info on potty training. Sometimes wetting or delayed training can be due to constipation

www.eric.org.uk

CorbynsBumFlannel · 05/01/2018 15:47

If he's open to bribery then just bribe him. Most kids that age have something they're mad on. If it's Paw Patrol get a sheet of stickers and give him one each time he produces anything - even a few drips. You might have to switch the rewards up a bit to keep his interest then by that time he will be used to using the loo and wanting to when he sees alll his friends are at school.

LambMadras · 05/01/2018 15:47

My son is a month older than yours. 4 in July. We did him in September but he was showing no signs. I just went for it cold turkey and cleaned up piss and shit a lot. BUT I persisted and within 4 days he was mostly dry.
For my son it was his attitude and refusal that was the sticking point but once he knew I was serious he got on with it.
Don't panic yet. It's still 9 months away and they will grow up a lot in that time.
Mine can't get himself dressed or undressed yet! 😩

KayBay90 · 05/01/2018 15:48

I didn't start until 4.5 - my mum was very worried but I was and am a normal person without any problems so try not to worry. Some kids just start late! My eldest ds started early, just before 2. But then he really struggled with speech + communication and his writing (he's on target now but it's been a long road!). Please try not to worry!

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 15:50

My 3rd born was also a PITA to toilet train and was 3. My DC1 and 2 had also been absolutely no trouble and pretty much trained themselves, both at two. I really wondered why people made such a fuss about potty training when it was so completely simple as long as you don't get yourself stressed about it - DC3 obviously came along to stop me being so smug about it :o

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 15:50

My 3rd born was also a PITA to toilet train and was 3. My DC1 and 2 had also been absolutely no trouble and pretty much trained themselves, both at two. I really wondered why people made such a fuss about potty training when it was so completely simple as long as you don't get yourself stressed about it - DC3 obviously came along to stop me being so smug about it :o

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 15:50

My 3rd born was also a PITA to toilet train and was 3. My DC1 and 2 had also been absolutely no trouble and pretty much trained themselves, both at two. I really wondered why people made such a fuss about potty training when it was so completely simple as long as you don't get yourself stressed about it - DC3 obviously came along to stop me being so smug about it :o

laurzj82 · 05/01/2018 15:51

That's interesting Neep. Didn't know that.

OP my daughter has only just got it. She is 3.9. After a lot of stress she eventually just did it herself. She literally just took her nappy off and started to use the loo. I think just a couple of accidents. You have aggges before school. If it were me, I'd leave it until the weather is warmer and if he has not done it himself by then maybe try some serious bribery! You will probably find the little monkey decides he wants to once the "pressure" is off

Good luck!

SistersOfPercy · 05/01/2018 15:54

Wait until the weather is a bit warmer. Buy a bumper pack of pants and some floor/carpet cleaner. Choose a few days where you can have no distraction or need to go out.
Pop him in pants the minute he wakes up and go from there. As above, don't stress, praise the good stuff, ignore the bad. It will click.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 05/01/2018 15:55

OP I too have a late August-born 3yo who’s still in nappies. EVERYBODY asks when he’s going to be potty trained, but he honestly has absolutely no inclination to use a potty yet. It’s maddening!

ppeatfruit · 05/01/2018 15:55

Firenight that could be a dairy allergy.

IME Some boys are not physically READY till 3 it's normal, relax! Don't over think it!!!

lookingforthecorkscrew · 05/01/2018 15:55

In fact, OP, as I typed that I noticed he was doing a shit in his pull-ups 🤦🏻‍♀️

Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 15:57

Sorry, pressed post to early.

My DC3 just wasn't remotely motivated to get rid of nappies, nor by stickers, reward charts or smarties.

In the end he wanted a light sabre and a pair of golden underpants :o

The fact that, for some reason, he desperately wanted those items allowed us to bribe / blackmail him. Once he was motivated that was most of the battle won, although he was harder work and had more accidents than both his older siblings had done put together, despite being a year older than they had been.

We gave him the rewards for one full day of trying to use the toilet / potty - and he did very earnestly try, so got the rewards despite mixed success the first day. He then declined a night nappy (as his brother had done on his first nappy free day at 2) and managed dry nights easily, but it took a few months til we could really confidently say he was toilet trained in the day times - he did have accidents but his mind set had at least changed and he no longer saw himself as a nappy wearer, which really did seem to be the main shift that was needed - after that it just took a bit of time.

Silverthorn · 05/01/2018 15:59

My ds just couldn't be bothered with the toilet. I ended up putting him in cheap pull up nappies, made him a sticker chart. When he got 10 stickers he got a wrapped present. A toy car/ chocolate/ small things. To get a sticker he needed to sit on the toilet and wee or poo in it. Next set of 10 stickers he had to tell me he needed to go and then do it. Next set of 10 was having no accidents in his nappy all day. I think I did 2 sets of 10 then I put him in big boy pants. Next steps were pulling trousers and pants down, washing hands and wiping and lastly being dry all night.
We're just about to put him in pants at night, eek.
Was quite a long process started in August and he's been in daytime pants since October.
To start I needed to ask him constantly to go to the toilet and did he want a sticker, did he want a present?
He's fine now the only problem he has is opening the toilet door because it's stuck.
He also went to nursery for 2 mornings on his free hours at 3you. Doing what the other kids did helped.
His little brother 20mo started showing an interest because he was getting all the attention and will sit and wee on the toilet so getting him going.
Good luck.