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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect him to be old enough for this!?

112 replies

waffilyversati1e · 05/01/2018 15:01

DS is 3. He turns 4 in August and starts school the following month when he will be 4yrs and 3wks old.

He is not even slightly interested in potty training.

Everyone I have spoken to has said to let him lead but it is starting to get a bit concerning now. He is the very last of all the kids I know of his age to start and his older siblings were both showing signs at 2 and using the loo by 2 and a half. Am I expecting too much of him?

I put him on the loo first thing in the morning. He isn't afraid just refuses to do anything on there. He has a lightweight plastic potty, a bumbo potty and we have a family seat installed.

I am at a loss to know what to do, it sounds silly but he almost seems like he knows what to do but just can't be arsed!

OP posts:
Evelynismyformerspyname · 05/01/2018 16:26

When you suggested no pants? OK, all out of ideas then... you'll have to wait til he starts desperately coveting some random toy or item, buy it and lock it away til he decides to ditch the nappies to get it... But it does sound as if you need to leave it for now! Fingers crossed for you that he'll decide to do it himself soon!

IndianaMoleWoman · 05/01/2018 16:33

I’d really recommend a book called Oh Crap, available on Kindle. I was really at a loss but when I read it it made so much sense and, more importantly, it worked!

colleysmill · 05/01/2018 16:34

Yes commando was an even worse suggestion according to ds!

Mind you I couldn't even get his nappy off him on the beach or to go in the paddling pool last summer so I should have guessed we were in for a rough ride.

Beamur · 05/01/2018 16:35

I was beginning to despair when DD hit 3 and was showing no signs of potty trading. But by 3.5 she got there, took some bribery - she didn't want to be a 'big girl' and could obviously feel the need to wee, but the first time she did it properly was so very pleased with herself. Number 2 training took another 6 months or so and she wasn't dry at night for a while either. Cold turkey just distressed her.

ittakes2 · 05/01/2018 16:39

Stick him on the potty in the bathroom after he wakes up each day and after each meal and turn the tap on. Sound of running water sometimes helps to get things going. Buy one of those bullseye things for potty training for boys and make a game out of him hitting it in the toilet with his pee.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 05/01/2018 16:40

my first children were dry day and night with no issues by 2 and a half. I waited until the weather warmed up (both are autumn birthdays) and just went for it, and they were fine.

DC3 is August birthday. I tried him the easter before he started school nursery (he was about 3.7 then) and he was fine, wait until it's warmer and just crack it over a weekend. I'd ignore it until then. Nobody wants to be removing layers of clothes/ tights when they can just be in the garden in pants if you hang on a few months!

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/01/2018 16:43

so hes 3.5

still semi young but yes you need to start trying to pt

which means no nappies and lots of pants trackies,esy to pull up and down

and yes there will be accidents

think when i did one of my charges (im a nanny) he had 7 wet pants and trousers day 1

but gets less

its important to keep fluids up and remind/siton potty every 20/30mins at the start

and yes a choccy button when does a wee or poo helps

viques · 05/01/2018 16:51

I always remember my friends niece who at three remarked conversationally to her mother one day "Did you know that when XXXX wants to do a wee or a poo he just tells his mum then goes and sits on his potty?" Her mum said" yes I do know, and I'm wondering why you don't do the same" ." I don't know," came the reply, " I think I just don't bother." !!!!!

I would wait a bit , until it is summer, he will be wearing fewer and lighter clothes and the whole getting undressed for a wee will be so much easier, I think he will cotton on quicker and be able to be more independent.

shoofly · 05/01/2018 16:54

DS1 was a nightmare. Cold turkey didn't work, bribery didn't work. I honestly thought he wouldn't be able to go to nursery. In hindsight, he just wasn't ready. He was 3 years 7 months in the July before starting nursery in September and he cracked it within 4 days. He wasn't dry at night for a good while, but as far as I remember only one accident during the day and that was before he started in September.
I thought DS2 would be easier... he was 3 and 5 months come nursery start time. His nursery teacher came to do a home visit and he pooed his pull up while she was there. Blush I explained that I'd tried everything and was in despair, but that he really wanted to go to nursery and I didn't want to lose his place. Lovely classroom assistant said he'd probably crack it once he saw all the other kids and to send him in pullups, and she'd keep an eye on him and remind him to go. I think it probably helped that I said I'd wait in the car and go in if he needed changed. She briskly said that it wasn't necessary. He never soiled the pullups once. By the time he was ready for the full nursery session, he'd cracked it and was dry day and night.
Honestly you've a while to go, I think everyone focuses so much on this and there's a feeling that this generation of Mums are lazy and unwilling to potty train. I remember puddles at nursery and in primary school (over 40 years ago) and I think that our definition of potty training is about children being physically ready and there are a lot fewer accidents.

crunchymint · 05/01/2018 17:02

shoofly I don't agree that we had a different definition of being potty trained years ago. But I do suspect that better quality nappies that we now have, make it more difficult for young children to learn when they need to go.

Ihaterapmusic · 05/01/2018 17:08

My son refused potty, just toilet with one of those seats and a step. So he could. Stand or sit. And took to it straight away. He also preferred boxers to pants.? Guess it's beaches saw what daddy wears? Maybe worth a try
I tried for months. Gave up for a week. Got the swat etc. Then went sod it it's happening now! Lol.. Expected a week or two of puddles etc. And bam. 2 days dry.. So went in for the whole shebang and took off at night. And 2 more days dry.

There was always a mega round of applause even for the tiny pee on the loo lol

apostropheuse · 05/01/2018 17:09

I don't think we had a different definition of toilet training tears ago either. I think it might have been easier for me to toilet train my four because back then I was at home all day with them. Mums and dads of young children nowadays are possibly busier as they're trying to juggle work and childcare etc. It's not that they're doing anything wrong, it's just the practicalities of it all. Mine were reliably trained at 2 - 2yrs 3 months, but that was commin then.

Onestepawayfromtheshoeshine · 05/01/2018 17:11

Exactly the same situation here op with my lb. I have put him in pants under his pull ups today and today was the first time he said he thought he needed to have a wee and tried on his potty. The rest of the time I have had to regularly ask/cajole him. Of course no wee happened and then he wet himself later, but he does seem to be starting to make the connection. Plus less mess to clean up today!

Ironmanrocks · 05/01/2018 17:15

My boy was the same - I did it over the Easter holidays when he wasn't at nursery, and so I could concentrate on it and give it time. (its also warmer so he could run around in just pants. 3 days later I was pulling my hair out. My friend called and said don't give up - it takes 4 days! It did - he was fine after the 4th day! Good luck!

Snausage · 05/01/2018 17:17

Your DS is very close in age to mine. I would absolutely go cold turkey during the day, put him in pants and plonk him on the loo/potty every hour. I took a potty everywhere with us and would sit him on it without fail. He cottoned on within a few days and was completely dry during the day within a fortnight. It is worth the hassle and getting really stuck in to it. It will change your life!

Don't expect poos to happen immediately, though... For at least a month after being dry, DS would hold his poo in and refuse to do one unless it was in a nappy. I bribed him with Kinder eggs, Haribo and Hot Wheels and broke him. Now he takes himself off to the loo and tells me he'll call when he's finished 😂

bobstersmum · 05/01/2018 17:18

Hi I had to respond because this is so much like my almost 4 year old ds! He is so bright but actually hated the idea of going on the loo but for him he's actually a bit scared, so this week I was a bit cruel and told him that they'd stopped making pull ups in his size, only nappies, he point blank won't wear a nappy so that was that. On Tues this week he went on the loo the whole day including poos! First day ever. Then Wednesday and Thursday the same, today he's had one accident where he didn't make it to loo in time but I think he's done so good. He's 4 next week by the way so very very late. All other attempts have resulted in him wetting through all day long and waking in the night panicking about needing the loo.
I really think some just aren't ready till late so do not stress about it. I would try every two weeks.

PenelopeChipShop · 05/01/2018 17:38

My son was really ‘late’ too, I think he was probably just getting it by your son’s age but it was honestly months until he was reliable! There’s a pdf of a pamphlet online called ‘Poo goes to Pooland’ and this quite frankly saved my sanity, for some reason this really helped him relate to what I was asking him to do and i’d Really recommend it. I used to keep it open on the iPad and I would read it to him every time I thought he needed a poo. Doesn’t help with wees obviously... also chocolate button rewards!!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 17:54

Could you put him in pull ups for the first few weeks? My DS wasn't interested until he went nursery then when he saw the other children doing it it only took a couple of weeks.

The Pirate Pete potty book is really good too.

Barbie222 · 05/01/2018 17:58

I agree with the pp who says it has to be more hassle in pull-ups. I think toilet training is the first time children get to practice having to stop what they want to do, to do something they need to do and it’s probably the first bit of self responsibility and self discipline they acquire. I’d crack on with a rule that we can’t play with wet pants and make the process of changing long, boring and toyless whereas he gets to take little toys with him on the potty.

Ironmanrocks · 05/01/2018 17:59

bobstersmum - thats ingenious!!!

gettingannoyedwiththisnow · 05/01/2018 18:12

DD was 4 in July. She started reception in September. I don't remember the last time she was dry all day.

I pick her up from school - she is either wet or has wet clothes in her bag. Two accidents at school yesterday, two today and one on the way home.

I've taken her to the paediatrician and she blamed me. Said I was baby-ing her, which we are not at all. I've got an appointment with GP soon to ask for a second opinion.

I'm at a loss. We've tried everything. She's been in knickers for around a year now. She just doesn't care if she's wet. She won't tell us if she is wet - we have to ask. But she will use the toilet for a poo without any trouble!!

She is doing well at school, has lots of friends, we have a wonderfully close family. We have tried money (5p for a wee), taking things away, charts - literally everything.

We have another child, he is exactly 17 months older and he was dry before he was 3! I'm struggling so much and I don't know what to do with her!

allegretto · 05/01/2018 18:17

My daughter was the same. I think she just couldn't be bothered. When we insisted though she got the hang of it straight away and never had an accident even at night.

cansu · 05/01/2018 18:17

Take away the nappies. Buy loads of cheap pants. Stay home for a few days. Insist he goes to the loo every few hours. He will get it. If you leave the nappies he has no real need to do it.

Fruitbat1980 · 05/01/2018 18:26

I have no advice other than I have one the same age. And we’re trying to train just now. The only thing working is Lego reward chart. It’s costibg a fucking fortune. But only one accident a day tho. But won’t poo till his bedtime pulll up is put on 🙈 I can’t wait for it to be over!

Allthewaves · 05/01/2018 18:32

My eldest was 4. He had no interest. So we stuck him in pants and he got milkyway chocolate star for a wee in potty and two for a poo. He was trained in 4 days - 3 days if accidents and then dry day 4. Weirdly he only had accidents when he wasn't wearing pants.