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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
oblada · 03/01/2018 19:43

'He works' not 'he has works' :/

oblada · 03/01/2018 19:45

Oh and yes because we like them :)
You may choose to wear clothes I hate. I choose to have a tattoo. You can choose to judge me for that or just leave it alone really as it doesn't really matter.

NotACleverName · 03/01/2018 19:46

I suppose we were due a tattoo-bashing thread. We've had dog threads and a trans thread or two, so why not complete the judgemental trifecta.

"Self harm"
"Craving attention"
"Awful"

Almost got a line on me bingo card here.

Personally I can't believe that it's 2018 and people still give the tiniest iota of a fuck about what other people do with their bodies. How does someone else's tattoo(s)/piercing(s) affect you in any way? I got mine because I wanted them, and I really don't give a damn what some anonymous cat's-bum-mouth Hyacinth Bucket on the internet thinks of that/me.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 19:50

Can we turn this into a tattoo appreciation thread Grin

OP posts:
Roussette · 03/01/2018 19:50

They don't affect me in any way whatsoever. OP started a thread asking opinions, I answered. It's just an opinion and I don't care a jot what someone else does with their body but if someone asks if I like them, I answer 'No'.

cathyclown · 03/01/2018 19:51

I will try here. Again.

Visible Tats are indelible. They will follow you all your life. They will fuck up your wedding/night out/special occasion attire, they will cause judgment (if visible) at job interviews, judgments will be made you can be sure of that.

Indelibility is the issue. Do it in haste and repent at leisure.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 19:53

Is that supposed to be an answer to my question?

OP posts:
FindoGask · 03/01/2018 19:54

cathyclown despite your apparently sincere question, no-one is going to be able to explain to you why they decided to get tattooed in terms that you will accept, so we should all save ourselves the effort.

I could say that it's the very permanence of tattoos that draws me to them. They're the opposite of fashion (though there are obviously fashions within tattooing). I could say that to me, tattooing is an artform like any other. I'm guessing that neither of those statements would resonate with you because you don't like tattoos. Which is OK! You don't have to get it. I'm sure there are things you value that I wouldn't get either.

dustarr73 · 03/01/2018 19:55

Can we turn this into a tattoo appreciation thread

That's a tattoo section on mm.Come over to the dark side.And enjoy banter without the pursed lips.

NotACleverName · 03/01/2018 19:56

@cathyclown I don't intend on getting married, so there's that.

The last time I had a job interview was last February. The visible tattoo on my left wrist didn't stop me from getting the job.

cricketqueen · 03/01/2018 19:57

My tattoos didn't fuck up my wedding dress.I choose dresses that compliment them on a night out. I got them cause I like them and wanted them, they are part of me. But I'm guessing if you judge my tattoos you will also judge my dress sense which I suppose you could describe as alternative and as previous posters have said I am obviously doing it for attention and not just cause I like different things to the norm.

cathyclown · 03/01/2018 19:59

Findo,

No worries! Just stating what I think.

It is the permanency of something that may have been decided on in younger times that makes me think that some (I said some!) may regret it in the future.

No way back from there is there though?

nousername123 · 03/01/2018 19:59

I don't understand all the comments "he's chosen to look avoidable" etc. I might be biased from having tattoos but I genuinely don't look at someone and think "I wouldn't get on the wrong side of them" I really don't understand how he would look intimidating? I'm not really the sort to find other people intimidating though I suppose. I had a cross on my chest in the right hand corner. It was done so badly which upset me as I am religious and people would make horrible comments. I decided to get it covered up and as most people know you normally have to get something about 2.5 times the size of the original tattoo. So now I have a rose with rose buds and I absolutely love it and get less judgy comments about it than I did the cross! It's massive though. I'm a care assistant and the least scary person ever and I honestly would feel mortified and offended if someone found me intimidating because I have tattoos. I don't have tattoos to look tough. I love the look of them and most of my tattoos relate to something of my childhood. I have "Hakuna Matata" on my leg because the lion king is my all time favourite film...not because I want people to look and think "ill steer clear of her"

TooManyPaws · 03/01/2018 20:02

My tattoos were all chosen and designed to suit me and the meaning. I didn't just go off and choose something off the flash on the wall. All were carefully thought out for months or years in advance, and all have meaning. For example, I have a particular bird on my shoulder in memory of my mother, and likewise an anchor on my foot for my father. The others have religious or friendship meaning. Several of mine have appeared in magazines as I take great care with choosing the artists. Every single one I still love, even 20+ years later.

I'd be interested to know which professionals don't get tattoos. No one thinks I can't do my job properly in a professional role. I know doctors, lawyers, senior social workers, nurses, priests, advocates, etc who all have tattoos. So, please, which professions don't have them?

TooManyPaws · 03/01/2018 20:02

Oh, and I'm in my late 50s and have always loved tattoos.

dustarr73 · 03/01/2018 20:05

I'm not scary in the slightest, not alternative ( anymore).And I have about 16 tattoos.Some I don't love as much as I did.But luckily they are small enough to get covered.

I don't get all the hysteria about tattoos.I get they're not to everybody's tastes but really theres no need to be rude and condescending .

Anniethinggose · 03/01/2018 20:05

Cathy, you state your opinions as if they are facts. They aren't.
Most people get tattoos not only in the knowledge that they are irreversible, but for that very reason.
The tattooed bride will love how the tattoos look with the wedding dress, or any other chosen outfit. Others will also appreciate the look. Others will be indifferent.
Not everyone judges.
Career prospects won't be affected.

TheDoorMat · 03/01/2018 20:05

I don't have tat's and personally detest them. My friend who I've known since I was 5yrs old (late 40's now) had a full sleeve done last year and I utterly hate it. Why I should judge I don't know?? But I do?
Always considered tat's as a form of insecurity, same goes for body builders. Usually it's men who are quite short and feel they need to express themselves as full macho, shaved head, tat's and the obligatory big arms - but it's so cliche these days, just shows they haven't got the balls to accept who they are and need to 'hide' behind a kind of persona.
That's my own view and I'm entitled to it - sorry.

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 20:08

Wow that bodybuilding comment is unbelievable

OP posts:
Bumsnetnetbums · 03/01/2018 20:09

What is it you do russian?

ItsNachoCheese · 03/01/2018 20:10

I have 5 tattoos and i got them because i wanted to get them. I couldnt care less if people dont like them, i do and thats all that matters

FindoGask · 03/01/2018 20:11

cathy some people definitely do regret getting tattooed, that's for sure. It's a risk you take, that can be minimised by taking your time. If I wanted a traditional Japanese tattoo, for example, I'll go to the very best traditional Japanese tattooer I can afford. The best tattooers have really long waiting lists - months or even years - which gives you time to make sure it's definitely what you want before you get near their tattoo studio (though I must say I've never changed my mind)

However - and I know this will sound mad to you - there is something to be said for getting something on the spur of the moment too. One of my very favourite tattoos (of a goldfinch), I chose that day from a book of pre-drawn tattoo 'flash'. It's 10 years old now and I love it more than the day I got it.

But yes, some people do regret getting tattooed. That's why there are so many people doing laser removal now. It's not something I would consider but there's a roaring trade!

Original poster
StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 20:11

I’m an engineer

OP posts:
RavenWings · 03/01/2018 20:11

I don't like the vast majority of tats I see, but I think they can be done and look well.

Not the topic here I know but piercings, even worse. Self mutilation. What is this, the Iron Age?

Interesting. All piercings? Are we including ear piercings? If so, how are they very different?

They will fuck up your wedding/night out/special occasion attire

In your opinion, and just because you think it doesn't mean everyone else agrees - or that you are any more in the right. I'm sure there's brides who love how their tattoo looks against their wedding dress.

RoseWhiteTips · 03/01/2018 20:14

Haven’t read the thread but I detest all tattoos - even the supposedly “pretty ones” like butterflies. Some women seem to think that weird Japanese hieroglyphics all the way down their spines are attractive. So deluded.