Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

[StandardRussian66]

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

JacquesHammer

Apologies, I genuinely did not mean to offend. I hope my posting history shows that i'm not a GF. However, rightly or wrongly, in my opinion, albeit, mis-guided, I do see it as a form of self harm. In what way is it not self harm??

You clearly have no idea
What a fucking horrible thing to say

Yes, I think one big problem with tattoos is that they are permanent. People say you can have them lasered off and all that jazz... But the fact is that they never really go properly, it's super painful, and it's super expensive.

On the 'tattoo removal' programmes, you always see them when they had 3-5 laser treatments, and it's often only got rid of 10%-15% of the tattoo. They NEVER EVER go back 6-12 months later, to show the tattoo 100% gone. Because it never is 100% gone. Probably only 50% at the most.

Ear stretching/flesh tunnels are gross. Especially when they have no 'plug' in them. Apparently they stink too! Many a person has had them fixed'

Like on the pic here.......

^

Hobnob
Some people do use it as a form of self harm. Same with piercings
Most dont however

Well that escalated quickly!

It’s nit self harm because it’s not done for the pain. It’s dont for the end result. Just like eye brow waxing and shaving isn’t self harm, it can just sometimes be painful.

I worked in a school where one of the teachers had visible tattoos & i thought it was bloody brilliant because it teaches the kids that there is more to a person than how they look.

This is what depresses me. This notion that only tattoos are the true expression of individuality. It's such a limited (and erroneous) way of thinking. A teacher with tattoos is no more likely to be a good teacher than one without. And certainly no more likely to encourage true moral courage and critical thinking. But hey, full sleeve, wacky hair, whatever.

hobnobsaremyfave

Then please educate me rather than be offensive.

Standard
Not self harm for you as you dont do it for the pain.
Others do. Or they use it to disfigure themselves permanently. Again not many. But some.

I’m offensive?
Jeez
Educate yourself about self harm, how it works and what causes it
And stop comparing to something that is perfectly harmless, legal and not part of a mental illness

Agree that tats are far more middle-aged than edgy now. A bit like highlights, statement necklaces and Facebook 🤣.

Eccles so we should be bringing our kids up to think that unless you are 'untainted' you are abnormal? Na i'll stick with my notion of free expression & being yourself. I would much rather my child be brought up to look at the person underneath - be that to do with colour, disability, hair dye, piercings or tattoos - than to have her take one look at somebody & write them off!

Wouldn't it be true that the vast majority of people do NOT have tats?

Therefore as a pp said they are associated with borstal blue dots and all that jazz. A "look at me" kind of thing whether you are law abiding or not! The connection is still there. So judgments are made.

I do not like them, but I respect your right to make an idiot of yourself with sleeves and indelible non "hideable" body art.

If only there was a product that would last for six months and then fade out. There probably is. But as I would never consider a tat for myself (can't see the indelible fekkin point), how would I know!

I often wonder if people regret having massive visible tats.

Nobody needs educating about SH hobnob.
You have clearly taken offence to this suggestion. Some people argue SH is harmless so long as it is safe. It is legal. And SH alone is not part of a mental illness. The DSM has no diagnostic criteria or label condition for self harm.
How we view things are subjective.

colour, disability, hair dye, piercings or tattoos

If dyed hair and tattoos were protected characteristics then I might agree.

Fortunately, most children are capable of working out that an 'alternative' appearance denotes nothing more than craving for attention.

Wow, you come across as very stuck up! Let me guess, you dress to match your attitude 😝

The Japanese aren’t that against tattoos these days as it has become more westernised. Probably only a little bit more taboo than they seem to be here.

I think that if you were to live or work in Japan for any length of time you would find that attitudes are not quite as liberal as you think. Tattoos will still get you banned from many onsen and sentō and at the very least you would be expected to wear a flesh-coloured plaster to cover them. You can’t have them on display in most gyms and many employers still forbid them.

Attitudes are more relaxed for westerners but a Japanese person with visible tattoos can still expect to encounter a lot of prejudice.

Most other mad things can be reversed. Pink hair, nose and lip and tongue piercings for example. When people mature.

Tats cannot.

People have - on this thread and others - singled out examples of doctors/teachers/professionals etc. having tattoos, as though 'those people' usually wouldn't.

It seems that by holding out the examples of doctors/lawyers/whoever with tattoos, as opposed to everyone else with a tattoo it's actually reaffirming stereotypes, which is where a lot of judgement begins.

I'd be far more inclined to gravitate towards a heavily tattooed person (particularly if they are good tattoos) than I would a person with none

Why? That kind of kills the whole 'don't judge' argument, doesn't it?

but why should we want them reversed? Because society says so?

Its the freedom of expression which is the point. I want my children to grow up with standards and the ability to abode by social expectations since this rightly . or wrongly makes success much easier. I dont want them to grow up and think fuck it dont care what people think i will 'express my individuality and passion' and to hell with a decent career. Some people have a real inability to be 'mainstream'. Good for them but know that there will be judgement and limits, rightly or wrongly.

Most other mad things can be reversed. Pink hair, nose and lip and tongue piercings for example. When people mature.

Tats cannot.
We know this we're not idiots.

Has your DP lived/worked in Japan since getting the neck-down tattoos, OP?

And yet there are drs, lawyers, firefighters, teachers, acountants...with visible tattoos. So the argument that tats are going to ruin a career path is a bit grim.

As for wanting children to conform surely there has to be a line???